should my thirteen year old daughter be expected to practice her musical instrument without being told?

Question

When i was 13, my mother made me practice..... but some adults in my daughter's life think she should be self-motivated. Who do you think is right?

Answer 1

If she truly loves doing it she would do it on her own.

Answer 2

I think you should take her to see someone in a live performance who is amazingly skilled on the same instrument she is learning. This would probably motivate her more than anything. Also I would get her some type of computer program that would help her learn the songs SHE likes in addition to the ones required by her music instructor. Also, I would try to find a video of someone HER age playing the same instrument she is learning and doing it extremely well. This might also spark more of an interest. Also, it sounds as if her lessons have become dull. Maybe you could help her recapture an interest if she could focus on one detail each day. For instance, increasing her speed by starting out slowly and each time through increase it a little. Or she could try for better intonation by playing the same piece over and over concentrating on improving her tone. Not knowing what instrument she plays, I am having to be very general about this. But the idea is that if she will focus on one element of her playing each day, she will see remarkable improvement in just one practice! That really motivates a musician. Another thing that might motivate her is if, in addition to her regular practice, she experimented with writing some of her own music. I don't know if it matters to a 13 year old or not, but if she works at her music right now, she could make a living at it someday and that is so much more fun that working a "regular" job. Plus nothing gets attention like a young person who is gifted on an instrument.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I completely understand the dilemma. I played the piano and the violin when I was young. My mom was hte pushy type. She would keep encouraging and pushing me to continue practicing and playing. In my opinion, I think that she should be encouraged to continue playing as much as possible, but shouldn't be pushed. Not practicing is a sign of dislike of the instrument. Although, it's natural for anyone to hate practicing. I did. But, no pain, no gain. You can't get better without practicing. There's not secrets or shortcuts. It comes down to the good hard practicing. I really think it is impossible or at least uncommon to be self-motivated at this age and at this time. Some things that might help to motivate her is to take her to a concert, not listen to a CD, but let her watch people play live. Even better, make her watch people her own age play to see how she compares. She'll be inspired by other's dedication and hard work. I think that if she doesn't already take lessons, she should. Her teacher will help to encourage her, also. Overall, though, I think you should remind her and encourage her to practice. It's the only way it'll work. If you don't, she'll be compelled to hold on to it, but not practice, which is a waste of time. Also tell her that practicing helps the deveopment of the mind to help her become smarter and that colleges look for persistence. If she has an impressive record for length of time playing an instrument, she'll be more likely to get into a good school.

Answer 4

Your daughter is 13, entering the stage of teenager-hood, that's a big time with her. Between friends and school, sometimes her priorities may get out of whack. A nice reminder never hurts but I wouldn't force her if she is already in a stressful time. If she enjoys the instrument then she will practice on her own, if she doesn't, try a little motivational push but never force her. The least thing you want is a daughter who despises the art of music because of a bad experience.

Answer 5

Some children are really self-motivated with those things. I never practice (I'm 15). I still enjoy playing during school. Its a fun and easy elective. My parents bought my flute and don't have any problems with me not practicing.

It all depends on your situation. Does she like playing? Are you forcing her to practice? Are you paying for lessons, without any rewards? Its all up to that. There's no problem with reminding her to play every now and then. Kids get caught up in activities and practicing slips there mind. If its a constant battle to get her to ever pick up the instrument, then reconsider.

Answer 6

If she joined band and wanted to do this,she has made a comitment to herself and other poeple in band (if this is for school).If just took this up as a hobby then she needs to finish up any lessons (if she is taking any) and then figure out if she wants to continue or not.If she is not motivated to play then when all her comitments that are associated with her playing the instrument,should decide if she wants to quit.Let her know that you understand if she tried somthing and really doesn't like it,but she can't make this a habbit,because it costs you money and its not fair to other people.After all is said and done,and if she decides to quit,help her find several hobbies that she may enjoy.Help her study up on these things.Like do you have to practice to do this or be good at it (usually everything requires some amount of practice),let her in on how much her new hobby will cost you,let her know you want her to do somthing she will love,but you can't break the bank every time she doesn't like somthing.So really my answer to this question is,yes you need to push her to finish what ever she started.Thats somthing that will stick with her for the rest of her life.Good Luck,hope I helped!

Answer 7

If she is really motivated and is enjoying herself, she won't need the reminders. She will practice on her own volition.

If she is 13, and needs reminders, it's time to ask her if she is enjoying herself, or would she like to take up something else.

When I was 11, I started playing the clarinet. I did NOT need reminders for practice. In fact, my mother complained about my practicing so much, and eventually told me to go outside in the backyard.

However, this goes for anything. Even in soccer, no one had to tell me to practice my skills when I was younger. I enjoy the game, so I scheduled personal practice-time for myself, every evening, and I spent hours and months teaching myself how to juggle.

If you have been the sort of parents who "babies" your daughter, you may have taught her that you will be responsible for activities where SHE should really take the lead. And that is unhealthy. When she gets older and gets a job, will you be waking her up in the mornings to go to early shifts or telling her to wear her uniform or clothes that are within dress-code? I hope not. When she goes to college will you always be reminding her to sign up for classes each semester?

She's 13. She needs to learn self-movtivation. Else, i's time to start pulling the plug on activities where she is obviously not taking the lead.

Answer 8

Well no. If she wants to excell by herself and truly loves what she does then she will practice like crazy. When I first started out playing the french horn my mom would remind me a million times to practice it. And I wouldnt because I felt pressured. Now I enjoy playing it because no one tells me that i have to practice. I enjoy doing it without the pressure and I have become very accomplished. Mabe a gentle push in the right direction might help.

Answer 9

When i was in 7th grade I didnt practice that much on my own, but after I had my tryouts for region I started taking it seriously. Now that I am in 14 and in the 9th grade I practice every moment i get!! I am motivated by the person better than me at school. I always try to better than her. If she really likes it she'll start to practice

Answer 10

No, not really. There are always to many fun things to do! Teenagers don't have the maturity to make all their own decisions, you as the parent have to help them set priorities and carry things through. As for the adults in your daughters life who think she should be doing this on her own... well good luck on their plan to have a child raise themselves!

Answer 11

Well if she chose to play the instrument she should be expected to practice without being told. If it is something that she didn't chose, what would you expect?

When I was younger I begged to play the viola. I ended up hating it. My parents made me finish out the year and we sold it afterwards.