female advice on an affair please?

Question

I dont need any rubbish on the rights or wrongs. The fact is I'm in an affair with a married woman 3 kids I'm married with 2. We've known each other for about 10 years but this has only started in last few months. We are both 40yrs old. People who never have had an affair don't know about falling in love again with someone else...if you've never experienced it it's hard to given an opinion. We are deeply in love and grown together over the years. I want advice from women in similar positions into what will not ruin this and keep it real, i can be impatient and worry too much re: out of sight out of mind . I don't want to scare her off but don't want her to think i'm taking her for granted either. Thanks

Answer 1

People say we can't help who we fall in love with, but it takes more than a glance to start having feelings.
If a person is married, you shouldn't have no more to say but "hi" and "bye", no phone calls, meeting, dinners, lunches, etc...none of that..
It leads to problems like this and have you torn between two people and yourself.
I wouldn't tell her how you feel. what's the point? Would it change anything? She knows you feel something, but leave it at that.
I mean you are going to do as you please...but why continue to add fuel to a burning fire.

Answer 2

When you marry and have children you make a commitment to devote your life to the happiness of those that love you and are your family.

You need to ask this woman if she even wants to make a life with you. Married cheaters generally do not really want to disrupt their "normal" life for their lover.

Tell her you will not continue the realtionship/affair. That you two should not see each other again until you are both divorced/seperated. If this is real love you will both divorce.

If not, at least you can let your wife move on and find someone really committed and respectful.

I would not be surprised if your "other woman" decides to stay with her husband. You could be her male booty-call.

Be careful. You have done enought damage so far. Should not have put yourself in this situation.

Answer 3

The fact is your having an affair with a married woman and she having an affair with a married man..WHY are so worried about losing or scaring the OTHER Woman off? Don't you think you should worry about losing your wife and children? I think you need to come clean with your wife, get divorced, and then see if the other woman is there for you..Chances are she won't be

Answer 4

A woman who cheats on her husband is a cheater. She will cheat on you, you will cheat on her, or one or both of you will just get suspicious, and everything will be ruined. So the affair will eventually make you miserable.
That's all I can tell a sociopath like you. You obviously don't care about the good of your or your mistress' kids. However, your wife would be better off without you, since you have no respect for her.
You see, with normal people, morality is inescapable.
I say, dump your woman, show up on your mistress' doorstep with $5000, and take her to Guatemala, never to return. In the long run, your kids might thank you, too, for getting your slimy influence out of their house, provided they're old enough to condemn and revile you for your behavior. That's what I did when my dad walked out.
He thought he wasn't doing anything wrong, too.

Answer 5

You need to stop and think like a 40 year old man, which woman do you really love your wife or your lover. if you feel it's your wife than stop seeing this other woman , if it's the other woman than hit the Divorce courts , but remember 2 children you'll have to pay
child support maybe spousal support and would this other woman want to live with someone that is not going to bring home all his money because quite a sum will be missing.

Answer 6

I don't really understand why people have affairs for? If you don't love your wife then why didn't you get a divorce from her. After your divorce then you wouldn't be cheating. Your kids are really going to hate you for this. My husbands ex wife cheated on him lots of times. They have 3 children together (1 that's actually not my husbands) because she however cheated and got pregnant by another man. The mother is no good. When the children grow up. I'm going to tell them everything i know and trust me i don't figure they'll have anything to do with her. I'm not saying anything to them now because they are way to little to understand about divorce and stuff like that and thats not something to be saying to little kids ya know. But things will change when they get older. I don't believe in cheating but thats your life and you do whatever you wanna do. But your gonna be the bad guy in the end. Good luck and i hope you think about your children before your d*ck!!!!! The children are the ones who suffer from things like this.

Answer 7

I experienced it alright. But am was wearing the other shoe. I was the wife who didn't know.Then years later I was wearing the other shoe, I was the one in affair. So I had both of the experience. And let me tell you. The women your having affair, it's not real. You don't share your life with her. Your not living with her, your not paying bills together, taking care kids together etc.. get what am saying. She feeding you all the lines you don't hear from your wife,no more, she probably has great sex with you, in not her husband, no more.Right now the grass looks and feels greener on the other side, but is not going to be. All the things you have with your wife, your going to get with her, not much different, but it will be worse. Why you have kids and she has kids. Right now there not in the same home, to fight. Lets say you divorce and she does and your living with her, and more then likely her kids are going with her and your kids are going to stay with your wife, and when you put your kids and her kids staying under the same roof for a summer or a weekend oh boy that's when your going to wish you keep your original family. And not only that, your kids are going to look at you like you left us to raise someones children, but we were not good enough for you to raise. And not only that but your going to have to deal with her husband and your wife and she going to deal with her. Oh don't tell me you got all that planned out? Your going to be able to control something like that. I think not. In the US divorce rate is now 40% and when you leave you family because of a affair that rate is only 20% it will last.Because you had this fairy tale of a affair. This is someone you go meet behind peoples back.But your 40. You say you known her for 10yrs.So she was a friend at first up until a few months ago. You need to end the friendship and the relationship now. And you don't want to scare her off and you don't want her to think your taking her for granted. So what. What about your wife and your children, THEY matter.You really need to buy stupid things parents do to mess up their kids and ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships and apply that to your wife, not this other women.Written by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger. Please stop what your doing your missing up lives. You have no idea, the out put your doing to your kids. Its your job to raise those kids, in your home with there mom. Don't put your family though some bull, because you feel for some other women. And this women she needs to stop too.I hate to say this but it wouldn't surprise me if she stays with her husband. or if you two did end up together that she don't go back to her husband. Trust me it's not going to work. People are going to get hurt. It's damaging for life, it changes life's.

Answer 8

You both need to be honest with your spouses. It just isn't fair to them. Get your divorces and go on with your lives. If your kids somehow find out that you have been cheating on the other parent they will never speak to you again. You need to both be honest. I know you don't want to hear about it but sorry to bad. It is just worng for you your spouse and most of all your children. If nothing else matters to you then think of your kids and stop thinking of yourselves and your own feelings.

Answer 9

first of all what a hard situation to be in,if you love this other woman then you must be truthful to your wife and leave you will never be able to relax properly with either of them your mind will always be on somthing else we only get one life hun and to waste it in limbo all the time is a shame follow your heart you carnt live like this forever though you need to sort it soon,hope it turns out for you but the longer you leave it the harder it will be no one can tell you what to do you have to make the descitions good luck.

Answer 10

It is wrong and I have been there before!! First you have to end the relationships that you both are in right now! You have to stop seeing her until you and her both get divorces. And you both need to stop and think about the people that you are hurting and how it would feel to be in their shoes when they find out.