is there any hope for us to remain a family?

Question

my boyfriend and i got pregnant after a month of knowing each other. we moved in together and had our baby. the problem is we disagree about everything. we are very different. i like to go out he likes to stay home. im optimistic hes pessimistic. i stay at home with the baby. he accuses me of cheating with people on myspace all the time. he has trust issues from a previous relationship. he hardly helps me with the house or the baby. i dont ask much just do dinner dishes. under different circumstances i would not have been with him. we never really had the chance to get to know each other and now that we have we really dont like each other. we love each other but the spark is gone and im losing the desire to make things work. i also feel stuck because i dont have money of my own.even if i wanted to leave i cant. is there any hope for us to regain the love we once had for each other or should we go our seperate ways and raise our son apart. i dont want to argue anymore.

Answer 1

I was wondering where your family is in all this? Is there a way to move home and have them help support you to go back to work and find day care for your child? If you guys are always at each other and cannot find a way to mend fences it would be best to split, staying together becuase you have a child is not was is always best for your child. Believe me I used to pray my parents would divorce.

If you do separate find a way to work things out to share visitations and the raising of your son. You don't have to live together to raise a child in the best way possible.

Answer 2

Hey Mixed Up the fact is that You got pregnant and not you and he. If you are disagreeing on everything it isn't a good environment for either of you let alone a child. Sounds like your a reasonably mature person and as such should follow your instincts. If there was love there before it can certainly return but both parties have to put 100% into trying to improve things, even if this includes seeking professional help like a relationship counselor. I do not blame your partner for disagreeing with you being on MSN if you are conversing with other males. Even if you say it is all innocent etc. the fact is that it can become much more than this and there are a lot of users and losers that use sites like this and end up conning young (and old) people who are in need of an ego boost, so please be careful. It would be wonderful if you could get this relationship back on track but if you cannot then it is probably in everyones best interest to end things and move on with your own respective lives. If this is the route that you choose hopefully you can both be mature enough to respect one and other and to not bad mouth each other in front of the child. And also hopefully you will both agree on what is best for the child and both be involved in the raising of him. Communication is the most important part of any relationship so if you two can talk things over and straighten things out that is fantasic, but do so with an open mind and maturely. Best of luck and happy 2007. Sorry if I appear to be wondering around the place a bit with this response but I am trying to watch the USA - Canada hockey game at the same time. Ha! Go Canada Go!!!

Answer 3

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. Except we are married and have been for 2 years now. It feels like a lifetime and he thinks he loves me a lot, but he doesn't show it very well. He has a hard time with the respect thing. We had our son a month early 8 months after getting married and if it wasn't for him, I would have left my husband. Now at least my son gives me something to live for. The financial situation is tough too. That is another reason why I can't leave as well. We are trying to work through it, but it is very hard, especially since I am not in love with him anymore and he doesn't think that he has any problems. He thinks counseling is silly and we don't have to make our problems other peoples, so lately I've been gettin help through these times from other people. I figure now that I'll live with him, but I'm taking control of my own life and doing what I want with it and keeping myself happy by whatever means possible. I realize that I won't have any intimate relationships with anybody or my husband, but I can live with that I think. You're just going to have to find out what makes you happy and just go with it. I don't know if love will ever come back. I don't think mine ever will and I too am sick of arguing all the time. But from now on, I'm going to do things that I want and will keep me happy and satisfied because he doesn't do it for me and he never will. I regret the day that I ever married him which is not something that makes me feel very good. I hope you figure out what you need and I hope that everything works out for you. Good Luck.

Answer 4

First off, I am going to tell you something you do not want to hear. You really should have thought of all this before you had unprotected sex. You do not say how old you are, but it seems that by how you say things, you are young.
You need to grow up fast. You created this child, so suck it up and be a parent. Forget about MY SPACE. Forget about going out. Raise the child that you created. If you don't have money, then get a night job when the father is home with the baby and you can work too.
Forget about who does dishes, the real problems are only beginning. You have started backwards. This is not going to be easy, and you are not going to be able to do this by yourselves. Get counseling and for gosh sakes, think about the baby , not YOU. Also, go on birth control , so you do not have more babies that will need to depend on the two of you.

Answer 5

Maybe you should have thought about that before you and bf got pregnant (and only after a month of dating!). You made this mess and now your stuck with choices as bad as the past and up-coming presidential races. I wouldn't bother sticking with this guy if the environment is not conducive to raising your child. One dedicated parent is better than two dysfunctional parents. The problem is that you make no money, so it sounds like the father should get custody. Maybe next time you'll keep your legs closed or use some protection. Good luck you and your child.

Answer 6

I will tell you firsthand, do not stay together for the child. It mostly backfires and besides it isn't fair to you or to him but most of all it isn't fair to the child. I've been on both sides as a daughter and as a mother. It is hard, especially since you do not have a home you could run to. Trust me, i've been there. The best thing for you to do is, sit down with him and talk. Spend the entire night talking. Be very open and honest. Tell him you are tired of fighting and all you want is peace in your life, your heart and most of all your soul. Whatever your heart tells you to say, tell him. Remember you also have to listen to his side of things. Now if you both come to whatever aggreement you decide on your relationship, always remember you have a child and that bond will never be broken. What matters the most is the child and his happiness. Children are miracles in our lives and they must be treated with love by the people who surrounds them. We as parents must learn to do what is best for our children. Most of all do not let whatever hurt feelings get in the way of raising your son. Also remember you are very important person too. You deserve the best and you should have the best regardless if it doesn't seem as if life isn't going to get any better. Find that inner light inside youself and learn to live. Trust me, everything always works out in the end once you decide within yourself on what you want to do. I so hope all works out for you and your son. Whatever that is. Good luck! P.S do not listen to people who thinks that having a child before marriage is wrong. They are unhappy and they do not know you or your circumstances. Chruch isn't the issue here. Your feelings are. What matters is how you feel and what you want in YOUR LIFE!! Do not let them make you feel bad, evil or insecure and most of all stupid for what you did in your life. Your child wasn't a mistake. Getting pregnant wasn't your fault. Your child is a miracle regardless of how he came into this world. IF people can not see that then pay them no attention. They shouldn't judge you because they do not know you. You are human with feelings and no matter what deserves the best in this world. If they can not see that then maybe they should go back reading their bible and read that we are all God children regardless on our lives circumstances and shouldn't judge. I hope the best for you sweetie and remember you are special. Blessed be!

Answer 7

The road to reconciliation starts with admitting your mistakes. You slept with the guy after a month, and you weren't married. You had a bastard baby, and still didn't bother to get married beforehand to avoid having an illegitimate kid. You probably don't go to church on a weekly basis. All of your decisions up until now have been based on emotions. Your are emotionally in outer space. You need to talk to a Catholic priest and get some help. Join the Catholic church and ask your 'boyfriend' to come. Then after you see the true meaning of life, (serving the Lord, not ourselves,) get married to the guy and start to have a family based on Catholic values of love, honor and obedience to each other and the Lord, and toss the childhood emotions and selfishness into the trash dumpster where it belongs.

Answer 8

get some premarital counseling. You've got a pretend marriage going on anyway, so you may as well learn how to act like a married couple. "Regaining" love isn't the idea- it's time for the both of you to start growing up, learn to be mature, functioning adults, take care of your responsibilities and provide a calm, stable home for the baby. And get married.

Answer 9

you dont just stop loving someone you choose not to love someone anymore, just try to have a special times where you to can decide to be with eachother. try getting a babysitter every once ina while for you guys to go out and have fun together or just even stay at home and watch a movie

Answer 10

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