How can I change my life and stop being such a loser??

Question

Hello,
I am 31 years old and at one time life held promise for me. I had a great job, car and despite my retarded upbringing, I was destined for success. Then I screwed it all up. I was depressed so i quit my job and ended up on a disability pension because of severe depression and anxiety. I crashed the car I worked so hard to pay off and I didn't have insurance anymore. Now I'm stuck in this house thats miles away from town so I have no way to get anywhere. I have gained weight and smoke cigarettes and I'm also a pot-head. Even the house I Iive in is a write-off. I get so sick of being stuck here that I give up on cleaning it. So now I sit here, with my house a disaster feeling fat and stoned and useless and hopeless. I KNOW I need to change but it's so hard to know where to start!!

Answer 1

Consider going to NA to get off the pot. You can't make any changes that will work unless you are clean and sober.

Answer 2

Everything in your life is a mess, so you say. You have nothing and yet you can afford a computer, I'm sure a computer desk and money to pay off the Internet. Why don't you take all that money and fix your car? Why don't you sell the computer and the desk and find a job so that you can pay for a good psychiatrist? I don't know if you're telling the truth or what but tell you what? Stop all the smoking and stop being a pot- head. By the way you write, you are an intelligent person and you seem to know how to get your way around a computer. People would kill to have that expertise. You are not a loser, you just lack self esteem. there must be someone in your family to help you or a friend, lean on them. You have the ability o do great things. STOP BEING STUPID. IT'S NOT SMART!

Answer 3

OK. First, take care of your physical self. Stop smoking--it's hard to do, but try. Stop smoking pot. Stop eating poorly and exercise more. Make these things your primary goal for now. For exercise, you might even tackle some cleaning projects around the house--killing two birds with one stone.

Soon you'll feel better physically, which goes a long way toward helping a person feel better mentally. Find a way to get to town and find work...any work. A little independently earned income also helps with self esteem.

If you have a TV, destroy it. Read more.

You can still succeed, but you need to believe your life has meaning. You don't need a lot of money to have meaning in your life. Socrates had nothing.

You obviously have internet access, so why not start an online journal. Or even a paper journal, just to keep creating.

Just a few things off the top of my head.

Answer 4

I understand how overwhelmed you feel. Try breaking it down into small projects and complete them. That'll give you baby steps towards accomplishment.

Also try finding a resource or avenue to make friends. There are others in your situation that you could reach out to and maybe help each other.

It's not as simple as it is to write, but try not to be caught up in self pity. Your life still holds promise if you let go of the past and move forward inch by inch. You'd be amazed how far you can travel with tiny steps. Evaluate who YOU are and not who you think you should be.

Feeling trapped in your house is an issue I can't really help with. Do you have family or friends that could pick you up and drop you off for a day at the mall or somewhere? Go see a movie? You can head out and take walks. That is really good for the soul, even in the colder weather.

I think smoking is one of the worst thing a person can do to themselves. It's highly addictive. But you have a lot more to deal with right now than giving up smoking. Put that on the back burner but add it to your short list of things to accomplish. Certainly try to give up smoking pot. Save that money for a movie or something more constructive. It's a big hurdle and those who do quit smoking are vastly rewarded emotionally by that accomplishment. Try to move away from self destruct mode. Stop being your own worse enemy and all those other eye rolling cliché's that ironically are spot on!!

Talk to your doctor, you might need an increase, decrease or change in your medications. Talk with a counselor. Most importantly, reach out and help others, be a friend. Find groups and friends online to chat with, email . . . learn to laugh at the cards you've been dealt.

Defeat it!!

Answer 5

Hi Jade:
I am so sorry you are going through all of this in your life right now. But, I think there are alot of people out there who have or are in the same position, myself included. First thing, you have to get off the weed and clean up your system. Then get your resume together, start sending it out on Monster.com. When you get bites for unterviews, ask a friend or family member to take you. When you get the job, talk to some cab or bus drivers to see if they will make you a deal on a weekly basis. As far as your house goes, if you do not clean it you will never feel any better. So, while you are sending out resumes, in between, do some cleaning and exercising. Also, I don't know exactly where you live but, you could get a bicycle, this would solve your transportation and exercising issues in one. Keep your chin up! Get off the smoke, it is a natural depressant! Get off answers and get onto Monster.com! Clean your house= start with the kitchen. I hope I helped! Happy New Year to a New You!!!

Answer 6

1. quit buying pot, if you're broke you have no business. Pot is a depressant and will only "exacerbate" the issue of depression.
2. no car, no money, no visible means of support and you're using the Internet? Set your priorities straight.

Make a list of the things you want to change. Take them one at a time, starting with the most self destructive first, like Pot Smoking. Nobody ever got ahead by smoking pot, nobody. Quit the Pot, lose some weight, you can do that by becoming physically active and eating right. Heck, physical activity may be in the form of cleaning up your home, inside and out. Don't eat fast food, eat something healthy and nutritious.

I had a problem that sounded a lot like yours. I had to make some choices and pull myself up from the bottom, because quite frankly even though I have a large loving family and the perfect parents, I was the one who had to regain control and it was up to ME to make ME succeed. In the end I sought out professional help to work through my issues. I have a very wonderful life now.

If you're ready to make some changes and turn your life around, then take charge and just deal with it, because you're your own worst enemy here.

good luck.

Answer 7

Uh... Why don't you start changing by stopping the use of marijuana??? How are things supposed to change for the better when your brain is all clouded up with incoherant thoughts from drugs? Before you smoke a marijuana cigarette, don't you ever ask yourself "Will this make me feel any better?", don't you ever think to yourself "This **** will only make me feel worse.", don't you ever think "Getting high everyday is not improving my life."? Well, I did, and that's why I'm not a pothead anymore... I felt like such a loser, I had no job, I wasn't going to school, and to top it off, I was smoking marijuana every chance I got... I decided that what I need to do is get my act together... I needed to get back on track with my life, and I needed to put the important things first... I didn't deserve to smoke marijuana... The only people who deserve to take a break from life are people who are activly involved with life. People should learn to use drugs occasionally, not abuse drugs daily (if a person is an addict, then they must stay away from drugs completly. One use will NEVER be one use for an addict, it will always turn into abuse again. That's why I stay clear from tobacco). I decided I would first get a job, then enroll for college, and I did that... Every once in a while I would smoke when I felt that I didn't need my brain for a week... Well, unfortunatly for me, I ended up getting a girlfriend... One who wont let me smoke.. So I was talked into quitting.... I still feel I deserve to smoke every once in a while, but she wont let me :( Oh well, at least I have a girlfriend now.... Once you stop using drugs, life will become much more clear for you.

Stay sober for just a little while... Clean your house, get yourself a membership to a gym, or get yourself some weights and some work out books... Working out will make you feel so much better about yourself because you are doing something positive for your body, and for youself... It will uplift your spirits... Also, you may want to change your diet and try to eat healthier... You wont change your weight overnight, and it WILL take time, but eventually, I'm sure you will feel better... Working out and dieting has been proven to relieve stress and make you feel good, not just because you are improving yourself, but, for working out, it's that you get your blood flowing, more blood to your brain, more oxygen, you feel better, and for dieting, the food you eat greatly affects your moods, and a healthy sleeping pattern will also help to improve your mood, and will decrease lethargy... Read books on dieting, working out, sleeping right, and maybe some books on self improvement... If you are feeling useless, try volenteering somewhere and doing something for the community. And.. Maybe you should buy yourself a dinky little cheap car, at least so you can get around... Ya know?

I can't say it will be easy... You have to stay strong and determined... In the road to life, when a boulder blocks your path, you have two options, you can either give up, or you can climb the boulder and conquer the obstacles of life... It ain't easy... It never is. Everything is possible for everyone through hard work, faith, and determination. It's just easier for some people... But that's no reason to give up. It just means you have to try harder, but when you have over come everything, you will only be that much stronger for it.

Answer 8

Hi there

You're not a loser!

You've got to get to the root of your depression and anxiety. Find out why you're feeling depressed and anxious. Hypnotherapy could help with this.

It's difficult I know, but you obviously want to change the current situation you're in and to recognise that you're unhappy is the most important thing. You've done that and now it's time to make positive steps to make things better.

Get to the route of your depression and anxiety. It sounds like you might need to see a doctor who can offer you counselling.

Just grab the bull by the horns now. Make those steps to change. See a doctor and a counsellor. Have a look round at the alternative therapies out there such as hypnotherapy and acupuncture. It might take a bit of time but you will get there.

Answer 9

You know what man, I feel your pain. I was never very successful, but I have always held a decent job. I was a pothead for six years and smoked cigarettes heavily. First, maybe you suffer from a chemical inbalance. Talk to a doctor and try to get some antidepressants. Secondly, force yourself out of bed every day. Even if you don't want to do it, make yourself get out of bed and get outside. Look for a job. Believe in yourself. I know it's not easy, but the only way to start changing is to push yourself to the limit. You are bound by your own chains. Break those chains my friend. Talk to your loved ones. Don't be ashamed of yourself. Get your feelings out in the open--perhaps in a group setting with individuals who have a similar problem. Good luck. I truly hope everything works out for you. Be strong.

Answer 10

Whoa!! You are sure in a pickle.
At one time, I felt like my life was dull and meaningless, until I was introduced to Christ and renewed my life. From that day on, I was determined to find meaning in my existence and let that encouraged me to gain glory and triumph in every aspect of my life. I use the one thing I truly knew how to do-and loved to do-and tried to find a way to let it benefit me financially (money has always been a necessity I never obtain much of). This eventually led me to entrepreneurship.
I'm not implying that becoming one with God is a sure fire way of achieving a 180 degree change in your life, but what I will apply is this:

There will always be a time where you'll literally be at rock bottom in more ways than one, but if you let that encourage you to quit trying, chances are that you don't really want a change in your life. If you forget about your lose and mistakes and try again, then there will always be hope for you. It took me nineteen months to get my life straight struggling to gain confidence in myself despite my Horrible Mishaps, but by trying to do a little at a time I succeeded.

If you want to quit smoking, try to keep an account of how much you smoke and lessen it by a little day by day. It could be helpful to keep a wager on how much you spend on cigarettes and pot; like money gone down the drain. And don't be ashame to go to the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings; your life would run more smoothly once you quit.

Convince yourself that you are going to start a new life every single day to keep your enthusiasm and find benefitial things to do to occupy yourself. The best way to start is by believing you can do it. Excersice in the evening by walking in lose clothings such as jogging suits. And don't smoke your health away at such a young age.

Answer 11

Stop smoking pot. I was in your same hole at 28. I got sick of being a loser one day and quit pot. I went back to school and now I am much better off in every way. I would consider myself a success now. Pot makes you depressed, it is the root of your problem it only took me about a week to get over the cravings for it. anyone who says pot in not addictive is full of it.