I am a married man having a 4 year affair with a married woman. I need advice. Please read the details.?

Question

We are desperately in love and are truly soulmates. Additionally, we have a child together who lives with her and her husband. We both are in miserable marriages and want to be together. I have left my wife and and am waiting for her to do the same. I only speak with her when she is away from her husband. She does not want him to know about me. She tells me over and over that she wants to be with me and will marry me when she splits up with her husband. However, she says she wants to do it the right way but is not exactly sure how to do it. She tells me I am the love of her life and promises she will marry me. But it seems she will not initiate a split with her husband. I know she wants her husband to initiate the split and is patient enough to wait for that. Myself on the other hand, am living alone and waiting for her. I am miserable here thinking about her still living with her husband. What should I do? I love her with ALL my heart.

We are desperately in love and are truly soulmates. Additionally, we have a child together who lives with her and her husband. We both are in miserable marriages and want to be together. I have left my wife and and am waiting for her to do the same. I only speak with her when she is away from her husband. She does not want him to know about me. She tells me over and over that she wants to be with me and will marry me when she splits up with her husband. However, she says she wants to do it the right way but is not exactly sure how to do it. She tells me I am the love of her life and promises she will marry me. But it seems she will not initiate a split with her husband. I know she wants her husband to initiate the split and is patient enough to wait for that. Myself on the other hand, am living alone and waiting for her. I am miserable here thinking about her still living with her husband. What should I do? I love her with ALL my heart.

Her husband knows about us and about the kid.

Her husband knows about us and about the child. He thinks it's over between us.

Answer 1

You should be shot in the head!

Answer 2

She's fu**ed up, big time and she don't know what she wants. You have to be the strong one here, she is after all using you, Im sorry to say. If I were you I would walk away, and stay away. I feel sorry for her in a way, she has had a tough time and probably thinks she deserves to be abused by men. And she knows her actions will make people abuse her even more. Sounds like she has no self respect at all. Very sad! Perhaps she does love you but the only way you will know for sure is to let her go. And really let her go, find someone else, even it is just a casual dating thing, just something to keep your mind from her. You need to have NO contact with her for at least a month. See what happens after that...Will she come running after you? Will she go have another threesome? Will she make her marriage work? The person sending the text msg - Why dont you call them? Ask why they telling you this stuff. Be brave and prepared to hear a whole lot more. You do sound like a good guy but she has way too many problems to love anyone and commit fully. She needs help. Stay away, If you love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be...If not they were never yours in the first place! Good Luck

Answer 3

you have a real problem , as know the plot thickens, he knows.
She obviously convinced him it is over with the two of you. Why?
why did she do that ? when she is 'your' soul mate.
You made a mistake when you let your unhappy marriage turn your eyes to another woman. You should have looked to her (your wife) and tried to remember why you got married in the first place and tried to work it out. I am assuming you never did.
Maybe you did and it was rocky. You are weak for running away from the problem marriage. You tried to get another woman to make everything o.k., but then it just got more complicated. You see you have to be over one relationship (be healed in your heart) before you look for another one. Ok but everything is done,
what now you have asked? Now you tell her that you that the two of you deserve each other. She acted like a whore and you a whoremonger. She doesn't want you, sweetie, she wanted the secret affair. The sneaking around . Playing it coy roy. If she wanted you , she would be in your arms now. If she ends up with you , the two of you will always have suspicion and there will never be trust. My advice: Tell her (even if it breaks your heart) that it is over. You realize you are not ready for another marriage ,yet alone a healthy relationship. Go to the courts and petition for a paternity test to determine if the child is yours. Who knows it may really be his.Then petion for rights if the child is yours. If her marriage ever does end , wait a year and maybe by then you both will have grown and will be ready.

Answer 4

Does her husband know the child is yours? How strange.
Well, you left your spouse and now she is just not doing the same. If you tell her husband then there might be serious consequences for her and her kids.
You have to give her, at this point an ultimatum. Tell her that this is not acceptable and you will break up with her if she does not make up her mind. She may just want to have her cake and eat it too. and it's more comfortable for her to stay in the marriage while having you all to herself. When you jump into the pool you should not be surprised when you get out wet. So if she continues to be unsure, take a break from her and let her do some thinking on her own. without seeing her for a while, so that she will miss you and feel what it's like not to have you in her life.
Ultimately, it has to be her decision. You can't make up her mind for her, but you have a right to know where you stand and see your child.

Answer 5

First of all, it's never right to cheat on anybody, regardless how much you are in love. But now, you two also have a child that I'm assuming doesn't know you're the father (?). So the reasons she doesn't want to divorce yet could be because of the child, or (I hope not) she's having second thoughts. If you don't want to wait anymore and thinks she needs to be with you NOW, then talk it over with her, see what the problem is, then try to work it out. Or, if you're patient then wait it out... she'll have to come around sometime!

Answer 6

First of how do the two of u have a child 2gether which lives with her and her husband, and her husband doesn't know about it? So has she been telling him that it is his child? On another note, u left ur wife and she has yet to leave her husband, whats wrong with this picture? Just with your conversation I sense that u may have stronger feelings for her than she has for u. U need 2 ask her if this is what she really wants, and if it is then she needs to stop stringing u along the way. Becuz it sounds like u r going to get ur feelings hurt n the long run. If she truly loves u as much as she says she does then she should've left her husband along time ago, I think that is a bunch of bull her saying that she is waiting for her husband to initiate the split. Come on now, give me a break.

Answer 7

I'm sure you know, but I feel I have to say that some girls feed off of attention from more than one guy at a time. I'm not saying in any way shape of form that this maybe what the girl you are involved with isdoing, but the possibility is open. There is a certain thrill, which I'm sure you're aware of, of having sex or being with someone you know you shouldn't. This could be the thrill she is longing for, and this is the one reason she wont leave her husband. In my mind, she shouldn't be comfortable dragging her husband along, knowing that if he finds out she's cheating, it will hurt her husband much more than telling him that she needs and wants out of their relationship for other reasons. I can understand falling for someone and it being beyond your control, but in all honesty I think she should be up front with her man, and leave him now. If she really loves you and says she dreams of being with you, the only reason she has not to leave her current husband is the thought that once she ends the triangle of love, the love you two share may become more boring and less thrilling. All I'm saying is that you need to be careful. Some girls like I said, are just in it for a thrill. In your case, I hope that's not the only reason. Take care of yourself and know that no matter what, YOU need to be happy. If she can't or rather wont make it happen, move on. After all, you where the one that did the right thing to begin with leaving your wife, because in your heart you knew you wheren't being true to her. Now the girl your chasing, isn't being true to you.

Answer 8

Two people married and cheating on their mate, then
thinks once they both get a divorce everything will be al-
right. The statistics are against you as you might make
it in your marriage and might not. Why would you want
to marry again not knowing if it would last. However both
of you will need to make the decision and the one who
will probably end up suffering is your child and he will
be confused as to what the he-- is going on.

Answer 9

Tell us something, does the husband know that the child is not his? Because if so, then once she tells him, it's all over with...
But if she really wants to leave him, she would.
Would you really want to be with her, after she cheated on her husband with you and you two have a baby? what would she do to you? think about it, really think about it..not with your heart, but your upper head.
Her husband is going to be furious once he learns about you...


Ok, since he knows about you and the child...I am not understandig how he DOESN'T know that you and her speak ( you have a child together, out of sin or not, the child is here, he didn't pick his parents, not his fault)
If he thinks it's over, which means she's just lying over and over...he will be more than furious...
You need to just chill by yourself and really think things thru...you have built a web of deception, and this is about ot blow up in both of your faces...
her husband isn't going to take this lightly lying down.. can you say court drama?

Answer 10

You are a ba**ard! My father had an affair when I was younger and it has so many reprocusions on the family it is not even funny. Don't pressure her, if she hasn't left then get it through your head that she isn't going to and move on.
Affairs are horrible horrible things and I believe that if you have commited yourself to someone you need to work on it. My parents worked for years and got back together marriages are not just something that you throw out.
SO BUDDY MOVE ON!!!!!!!

Answer 11

She probably won't leave him. And so what if she does? She'll probably have another man on the side no matter who she is with. What makes you so special? You sound like a loser. You are both unfaithful, unloyal, liars.

I really don't understand why you two even want to be married. Marriage obviously means nothing to the both of you!