How could I ever Forgive her?

Question

For over a year now, my wife and I have, not necessarily been trying to have a baby, but we haven't prevented it either. About 3 weeks ago, we found out that she was pregnant. I was very happy, we do not have any children between us. Last Weds. she comes home from work and anounces that her mother would be at our house in the morning to take her to the abortion clinic. instantly upset, I begged her not to do this. Well she did it anyways. I left her that day. She tells me that I should come home and work this out. In my opinion, "working it out" would have been before she took something from me that can never be replaced. I do Love her, that is something that can never just go away. Am I wrong in thinking that this selfishness of hers shows how little she loves me? How could I ever look at her again without being reminded of what she did?

Answer 1

Oh Im so sorry to hear that! YES you CAN forgive her. YES that was a very selfish act that she committed.YES she should have talked it over with you after all you are both married and should ALWAYS make decisions together. You need to find out WHY she did it anyways and WHAT made her do it! YES you are VERY hurt that she did this and you need to COMMUNICATE to her how you feel and what you are thinking. You BOTH love each other and obviously want to work things out. She loves you a great deal she still wants to be with you and wants to work things out. Shes probably sorry that she did that PLEASE DON'T walk out on here she needs you as much as you need her. If you both NEED to then you BOTH should go to a therapist. Marriage ISNT easy and there will be hard times and good times just keep that in mind. FORGIVE HER AND NEVER HOLD WHAT SHE DID AGAINST HER! I wish you both the best!

Answer 2

Wow! This story is almost hard to believe. I truly do feel for you as I know how I would feel. However I feel for you in another way.

Because this makes no sense and even involved her mother there may be far more to it than either you are telling us or will even admit to yourself.

The only reason I can think of that would make a women do this is if that baby was not yours. And for what ever reason it would be very obvious when born.

If you had been trying for a whole year for her to turn around and do this is beyond belief. My first wife had 7 affairs that I found out about many years later and while it liked to kill me but even that would not have hurt me more than this. I thank God that both our children look like me.

I am so sorry for you but women do not go through this without a very good reason. If you don't know what it is and haven't ask please do. You will carry this pain with you for the rest of your life if you can't understand it. That child that will never be will never leave your mind unless you have come to understand and accept it. Regardless of what you find out it is something you must come to understand.

Answer 3

First of all did she want to have children? If she didn't preventions could have been taken for a pregnancy not to occur. She should have talked with you about the decision of an abortion. She was selfish in thinking that she was in this relationship alone. I don't blame you for what you did and I suggest you both go into counseling and try to repair this marriage. You must forgive her in order to move on with this marriage but seek some counseling, it's not going to be easy.

Answer 4

She took and left you out of this decision that is the first mistake and then she killed your unborn baby that is her second mistake the third mistake would be you going back to her,obviously she never wants to have children,or she would have discussed this with you,was she having an affair could it have been someone Else's? File for a divorce,doing what she did shows how selfish she is not to include you in a big decision like this.

Answer 5

You need to figure out why she did it first. There might be a good reason. I can tell you that 65% of marriages end due to children related issues. Crazy right? You might have thought that the 2 of you were on the same wave length about having children and she thought otherwise. Before you go and start hating her, you need to communicate with her. Tell her your feelings and see how she feels. If, after that conversation, you still cannot come to terms with her decision, then at least you have closure.

Answer 6

For a woman to get an abortion behind her husband's back and with total disregard for his feelings is unthinkable. I can't imagine. You can forgive, but you won't be able to forget.

I think it's a good thing you left. You can't work out the fact that she is so selfish and has such a complete disregard for your feelings that she would terminate something that is as much a part of you as it is her. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but she sounds like a total b****.

Answer 7

given the seriousness of this, it would be fair to say the marriage is over with, u will never be able to get past this one, aborting your child is as if she threw u away also. u can't forgive it, or forget it, she did this knowing u did not condone it, with no regard to u. u asked her not to, and she disregarded your plea so no there is no chance in reconciling with a woman so selfish, and wrong. divorce her asap. as what she has done can never be undone, not even a real good reason to do it, as u two were married, and certainly there was room for a child. she will have to bear the consequences for this the rest of her life, and there is no forgiveness for something like this i am afraid to say.

Answer 8

It was wrong how she handled the whole thing. That should have been a decision you and her made together not her and her mother. If your married and she can't talk important things out with you what do you really have. If you want to work at your marriage seek counseling together but otherwise I'd see a lawyer. I mean only you know if you'll ever be able to get over with what she has done and if not I can't see your marriage working out. good luck to you ;o)

Answer 9

She is very selfish for doing that and she should have never just took it upon herself to go and have an abortion without consulting you, i think you have every right to be upset she didn't think about you when she decided to get an abortion she was totally thinking about herself.If you're hurt take the time to think about yourself not her she thinks about herself enough. did she have any reason to just up and get an abortion other then the fact tat she is selfish, maybe the baby wasn't yours, it's a possibility.

Answer 10

Wow that's a tough one. You two do need to sit down and discuss this. Find out why she felt the need to make this decision without you and why she did not want a baby yet. There are always two sides to a story and maybe finding out what was really going on in her mind would help mend things between you.