Do you tell a friend that his wife has been unfaithful?

Question

The couple in question are good friends to me. While the husband was away in Iraq, the wife had an online affair with his best friend. They both were planning on leaving their spouces to be together. He decided to work on his marriage and be honest. She is only staying with her husband for money and fear that her true colors will appear. She's physically cheated on him, had men over to the house, used his money to buy other men gifts. Secretly aquired 3 credit cards, that he is paying off unknowingly. She pretty much denies everything. What should I do? I really want to tell him the whole truth since no one else will.

Everything that I would tell him, there is proof(emails, statements, photos, etc...)
I appreciate all of your comments. I think what I am going to do is talk to the wife, let her know that if he confronts me about anything that I will not lie. I believe that it is better to hear from her, but she's too selfish to do it. If it were me, I'd want to know. He already knows somethings up. With that said, thank you for the suggestions. It helped alot.

Answer 1

"Tell your Buddy" he is going to end up broken hearted and just plain broke if you keep it to your self , just think about it he comes home she moves out and all of a sudden the poor dude cops a heap of credit card bills that he has no idea existed in the first place he loses his wife so called best friend and has to pay for their indescressions do the guy a favour and ease his suffering .
But be aware that he might not like having you crack his life open , but thats what friends are for to pick up a pal when he falls .

Answer 2

Tell Him. It's What Being A True Friend Is About. It's Gonna Crush Him, So Be Their For Him When He Needs Ya. Make Sure You Tell Him Everything As It Happened Too, Tell Him How You Didn't Want To Tell Him For His Own Sake Just So He Can Thoroughly Understand The Situation....

Answer 3

If the subject gets a chance to come up then talk to him,otherwise it is best to let him handle things himself,he may ALREADY know what is going on,am sure the guy is NOT stupid,and maybe somebody else has or will tell him before you have to feel you do. He will in time figure it out,as in,check the bank account,where did the extra money go,she has left a papertrail with the credit cards,so he will eventually find out anyway.

Answer 4

I know that you want to be a good friend and tell him about his wife but for real I suggest you steer clear of it and let him find out on his own because when all of the stuff blows up then you will later on look like the bad guy here....I know your friend will be angry when he does find out and the fact that you knew but you have to understand that sometimes friends to see what you see and they don't understand what you understand, but they will never understand your reasoning when you tell them about there marriages or anything at all.

I am suggesting to you that you need to leave this to him and her and just by chance he finds out and he asks you about it then you can be honest and tell him what you know if he is willing to want to hear it since you didn't tell him in the begining, just be honest about all of it and let him know that you didn't want to be in the middle of his marriage and that you thought you were doing the right thing...and technically I think you are doing the right thing and that is keep out of it.

Answer 5

Ask your buddy for help. Let him know that you work with thisman who... and describe the situation. Leave out the obvious clues like Iraq and names and all. Just the general idea. Let him know that you would like to tell this guy, but you don't know if it's your business to. Ask him if he were in the same situation, whether he would decide to tell the guy or not. If he says no, there's your answer. If he says yes, present to him, "OK, see, that's what I want to do, but... I don't know if I'd want to be told, would you?" There's your answer, and maybe your opening.

Keep in mind, it won't be easy.

Answer 6

How did you find out about all this? is she just running her mouth to you about all the men, gifts, and credit cards? I used to live on a base and believe me I saw this a lot. If I was you and you know the guys e-mail address or something like that get an e-mail address of your own that neither of them know then e-mail him giving him the details and just sign it anonymous at Ft. --- what ever base you're at.

Answer 7

sounds like every mans worst nightmare. Let's just say my hubby was a section commander and I've heard lots of messed up stories. I would stay away from both of them. But when you tell him, he may not be your friend any more. Does he live on base, it seems like I hear more sex stories about people that live on base in the military than off! The best one are when the guy walks in, see his wife in action and beats the crap out of the other guy!

Answer 8

if he is in Iraq wouldn't this upset him terribly, do u think he would believe u? or hate u for telling him? personally if it were me i would want a friend to tell me if my spouse were doing these things to me. guess u need to tell him, as if he finds out u knew and kept silent he will be hurt and feel as if u betrayed him. he needs to divorce her, and move on, but it isn't always that easy. will he want u to have proof?it's such an ugly situation, and will hurt him alot, but as u said someone has to tell him, so he can get out of the bad situation.

Answer 9

Stay away from this deal. It is none of your business and if you are laboring under the illusion that you will be a hero for telling the husband, you are sadly mistaken. If he is not blind or stupid, he will find out without your help. If he never finds out, then how are you harmed?

Answer 10

If you feel like she's your friend also, confront her first. Give her a chance to come clean on her own and take responsibility for her actions. If she doesn't, then talk to your friend.
First, make sure you have proof. And be prepared for the fact that your friend might not want to know. He may take it out on you for telling him. Personally, I think that's a better bet than if he finds out later that you know and didn't tell him.

good luck!