Life's Trap.
Time to get busy living or to get busy dying.
No sense in moping about crying.
I am like a trapped animal, lashing out because of the pain.
Because I will never be the same again.
All the kindness and generosity I used to feel.
Is simply gone and no longer real.
I mourn for the loss of who I once was at one time.
And now being alive seems naught more than a crime.
You let your hopes build and climb higher.
Only to have them smashes among rocks like a shattered desire.
Hope only seems to lead to pain and sorrow.
And if you don't feel it today, then you will tomorrow.
For the pain is eternal and seems to never end.
And the wounds of the soul never seem to mend.
Time should heal all wounds, and yet these ones just fester.
Nothing lessens them, not even a kind gesture.
I live on despite the pain whether I like it or not.
For in life's trap, I am well and truly caught.
2007-01-03 07:13:50 · 12 answers · asked by Pyi 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I pursued majors in English and Linguistics, and I respect your attempt at a serious poem. It takes courage to post it in a public domain. However, you should consider revising it.
Many of your lines sound more like cliched song lyrics, not like lines of poetry. None of your lines really ring true to me. "All the kindness and generosity I used to feel/ is simply gone and no longer real?" That doesn't make much sense. How are emotions less real just because they're gone? If "pain is eternal and doesn't seem to end" then what about your emotions that are gone? They seemed to end. If you claim that you will live on "whether you like it or not," then why don't you "get busy dying," as you say in the first line?
Poetry should be about capturing true feelings, not just regurgitating the same things you hear in pop songs. You should study some classic poetry by critically acclaimed poets. Try and get pointers from English professors, not anonymous supporters from Yahoo answers.
2007-01-03 07:44:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It would not unavoidably could rhyme even nonetheless it needs to hit my thoughts. i think of readability of expression is significant besides. i don't desire to 2nd guess what i'm examining approximately. I continuously seek for what I term "poetic gem stones"in the textual content textile.
2016-10-19 10:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is very nice. Mybe you can find some use for your talent like being published in a book, or getting a hold of a card company like hallmark and get a job writing words for cards. keep up the good work
2007-01-03 07:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dreadful, as are most poems here on Yahoo. Poetry is about imagery. This is NOT poetry. It's rhyming verse. Big difference. And this is NOT a forum for poetry, or rhyming verse.
2007-01-03 07:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW!
IT's AMAZING! and very descriptive of pain.
too bad you can't write a poem for the opposite of pain...
like Love.
2007-01-03 07:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by BabyGirl~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright but it sounds familar
2007-01-03 07:25:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked it
2007-01-03 07:44:58 · answer #7 · answered by e-pack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it,s good maybe you should get in to a poem witeing club
2007-01-03 07:20:37 · answer #8 · answered by i,m here if you need to talk. 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it would make a good song. (isn't that first line from a movie?)
2007-01-03 07:16:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Nice! You wrote that?
2007-01-03 07:16:23 · answer #10 · answered by Mel 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋