Why does it seem like most of time it is the womans responsibilty...?

Question

to keep a marriage on it's feet? For example, if a woman complains that she feels bored in her marriage, it is suggested that SHE does something to bring it back to life. Like cook dinner in her underwear or make plans for a special date night, so on and so forth. Why can't some men realize that if they become lazy in the marriage, that their wife will get bored? And why does the woman have to carry the weight of his responsibility? I realize that for some wifes, they become lazy also, but not all of them. I am basing this on personal experience, and the advice I have been given. Shouldn't good communtication work, why do we have to also set an example?

Answer 1

♥ ♥ women are trained to be caregivers...and that comes with all of the above, as well as society sees it that way ♥ ♥

Answer 2

You brought up the most important component in a marriage and that is good communications. Many times both partners become complacent and take each other for granted. This may work for a while to coast along but when a third party comes along that piques the interest of one or the other, it is good-bye Charlie (or Charlene), or whatever the case may be. Women are socialized to be more caring then men from childhood. Just look at the toys given to each. Little girls are taught to take care and to nurture, so it becomes second nature for them to also carry this into marriage and to child raising. I think that you have brought up some important points. Let's hope some men read this and get the idea.

Answer 3

Its not a matter of the "Woman's" or the "Man's" responsibility. If "I" complain about something then "I" should do something about it. If "YOU" complain then "YOU" should do something about it. The reason for this is that what ever you are complaining about might not bother the other person. Example: I hate my job. Answer I find a new one or fix what bothers me. I feel bored in my marriage. I find a new one or fix what bores me. BAD EXAMPLE: My wife is bored in our marriage. Answer my I cooks dinner in her underwear. However, she want to socialize more, have dinner parties and go dancing. My cross dress cooking doesn't satisfy her. I wonder why. Could it be that she is the one that is bored not me so I therefore don't know or understand what wants to become un-bored.

Simple piece of advise, no one or thing can MAKE you happy. Happiness comes from inside and therefore it is your responsibility to make yourself happy NOT YOUR SPOUSE.

Answer 4

I agree that a marriage is a partnership which the women should not have to shoulder all the blame and responsibility to keep the magic going. On the other hand, I don't know how long you two have been married, but complacency cuts both ways. IF when you two first got married you created an environment for him to be able to flop in front of the TV while you cook and clean, then that is results of tolerance. People get away with what you allow. Since you are the one who has identified the problem then it is up to you to get you two back on track. Once there, it is the responsibility of both of you to maintain it. I know for me, I consider it back luck to send your women out in public with a chip about you on her shoulder.

Answer 5

Marriage is hard work and it shouldn't be only one persons responsibilty to keep it working. If you feel that way then you definately need to talk to your mate. If I've learned anything about marriage at all, it is sometimes you have to say or ask for what you need because most people will never realize it if you don't tell them. Ladies, men do need to be reminded that the garbage needs to be taken out. It is a genetic defect that we cannot tell when it is full. Sorry!

Answer 6

One of societies pre programmed notions as a previous poster stated. Honestly, what I am saying now isn't entirely true anymore because there is an accelerating shift happening but the basis of our society is extremely patriarchal and thus man placed that responsibility on the womans shoulders. As the shift of the womans role in our society continues to shift due to the demands of society such as an added income as well as other factors you will see their responsibility in the house hold for women lighten also. I have seen many families which already exhibit this responsibility shift more so than others. The man is forcably becoming more of an active participant in the detailed affairs of the family rather than just going to work all day, getting a report on what happened for the day at dinner and making the decision for the family at that time than going to watch TV. Unfortunately it sounds like there is a little more patriarchal influence still in your family than in others. So...tell him to meet you half way, he buys you flowers randmonly and you will make him dinner randmonly in your underwear. All I can say is sometimes when dealing with us men....baby steps!

Answer 7

The burden lies on both partners. Husband and Wife should want the marriage to work and do things equally for one another. Now for the real world.
Mostly men are less romantic once they married, The chase is over for them, the kids are running around screaming, the romance part is long gone and the football game is on at four o'clock, so you better bring on the beer and chips, the guys are coming over.
Women are more creative, emotional and reach their sexual peak at 36 while a man's sexual peak is 17. You want the spark back, don't wait for them to look for the fireplace.
Any more questions, or this pretty much covers it for you?

Answer 8

That is a sexist comment. Men are expected to work just as hard on a marriage. Example: The man does something stupid. he is expected to make it better via a nice dinner, romantic evening, flowers, etc. Men are often the major breadwinners in households (often not always, my wife and I make the same amount of money) thus they tend to be out working more. Your example claims the woman is bored, so she should do something. If the man is bored then he should do something.

Answer 9

Honestly we need to set an example because men really DON'T GET IT...at least most of the time, sometimes you get lucky. They don't realize that you're bored. We can't expect them to understand because quite frankly, the male mind doesn't work that way. This isn't an anti-man comment, either. I say this because it really is true. Men can't read out minds. They are fine doing the same things day after day, and we aren't. But we need to tell them that. This is why communication is so important in a relationship. If you are having this problem, talk to your man, and maybe you can sort it out on your own.

Answer 10

Cook dinner in the underwear? Hmm! I would prefer it to be cooked in microwave, not to mention the chances of a fire when you turn on the stove.

A girl is welcome to cook it in her stuff ( I doubt I'll eat it though), I am certainly not wasting my boxers on cooking rice, although you might borrow them to soak the lentils for sprouts overnight.

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But no I did miss the point, didn't I? Or did I? Is it really about he vs she, male vs female?

I think it can get very tiresome if the guy is an unresponsive idiot. I mean, it is like a car is stuck. You press the accelarator, and the brakes at the same time. My elder sis said something like that to me, you know, and i didn't knowwhat to say. their boat is a lil shaky right now.

If it is personal experience, would you mind sharing what you did do? And did you really cook the dinner in your vicki's secret lingerie? ANd did it help? ( ALthough i doubt I can suggest something like that to her. Hmm. or can I? Nope. I hope I am not crossing the bounds here!

Answer 11

Relationships and marriage work and have staying power when the couple is always giving unconditionally to each other. It is not solely the man's responsibility or the woman's, it is a partnership. Thats why there are two people involved and not one. It should be a team effort.