Is this considered physical abuse?

Question

Sadly, my mother whom I love very much married a man 3-4 yrs ago. I live w/ them now, but after what happened...I will be moving out. When I first met him, he was very polite and nice...then, he started becoming this angry person. He has a very hot temper. Well, he's been emotionally and verbally abusing my mom ever since their marriage (and before) calling her names, cussing at her, and telling her that she is the village idiot (I don't want to mention in detail the names he calls her because I'll probably get kicked out of yahoo ans). Stuff he has done in the past: He threw the dinner at her and it hit her chest area, he has gotten so angry that he's thrown our small dogs across the room, etc. Ok, the other day...he pushed her to the ground...my mom fell backwards. Before he could do anything, I ran to him and grabbed his arm and said, "STOP!" The sad part is, I'm the only one that thinks its abuse...my mom said he's sorry and she's ok with it. Is this abuse?

Ever since that day, I've been keeping to myself. My step-dad came my room and hugged me as if he was saying sorry. Don't get me wrong, he has a lot of good qualities, he's been there for me when I was in trouble, but I'm getting sick of his ways....him being always angry, violent w/ his mouth and now physically...

Answer 1

Yes. This is classic physical, emotional, psychological abuse. Your family needs professional help. You can contact a local intervention center by calling information and asking for the number. They can then set you up with a phone interview, and personal interview where you can get further information on how to give helpful information to your mom. This is not a safe situation for either of you. This does not mean that there is no redeeming qualities about your step-dad, but the abuse trumps everything else for now. Your mother's safety is ultimately her decision. What I mean here is that beyond giving her information that can help support and education her, She is the only one who can do her talking and walking. Never hesitate to dial 911 when things become physical. Laws typically now reflect the understanding that women will not always follow through with complaints of assault, so the abuser can be charged regardless of the women's later decision. I advice you to move to a safe place for your self, let your mom know you love her, but you will not wait until you are a victim, and you pray she will stop.

There are wonderful programs for men who batter. The same hot line will give you information on these. I will pray for you, Good luck and God bless

Answer 2

There is no exception what so ever for this behavior! Obviously your mom has some hang ups or she would not tolerate this treatment but instead she is justifying his behavior.

I am very glad that you recognize this as wrong and want to remove yourself from this situationan yet I'm sad you have to go.

I can only hope you never develop this pattern and follow your moms foot steps.

My advice to you is to write a heart felt letter to your mom and maybe instead of pointing out the bad things point out all the qualities in her that are great. Explain to her that you put her on a platform and you can't bare to see this treatment anymore so you will be removing yourself from the house.

Unfortunatley sometimes you can try and try but until your mom has had enough she won't remove herself from the situation until it's to late. I would write your step dad a letter to and point out how his behavior is unacceptable.

I know this will open a can of worms but what do you have to loose? You already lost your moms dignity.

Answer 3

Yes it is abuse
Are you old enough to be on your own or will you stay with other family
Your mother is in denial and there is little you can do to help her if she chooses not to be helped you can call the police if you are witness to the abuse and then at least there will be a report
but above all else get out for your own safety an abuser will start on the others in the family do not count on your mom to keep you safe right now she is incapable of keeping herself safe
Good luck to you I am praying for you

Answer 4

Maybe you should sit him down and talk about the things that upset you. It's abuse whether it's physical or verbal. Your mother needs to stop making excuses for him because he does have a serious problem which could escalate to somethng else. Talk with your parents together and individually to get a grip on this matter. If it worsens I suggest you move because until your mom realizes that it's abuse there's not much more you can do.

Answer 5

That sounds like abuse in every sense of the word. Unfortunately alot of women who are in these types of situations don't/won't/or just can't see it that way. It's hard to be on the outside looking in wishing you could stop it, but there really isn't any way to stop it until the person going through it is able to see it as abuse. I'm sure that you've tried talking to you mom about this, but maybe if you could sit her down and talk to her again and explain how it looks for your vantage point, or maybe ask how she would feel if you were the one in the situation...maybe then she'll be able to see it differently. I do hope that this situation improves for both your mother and yourself and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

Yes it is definitely abuse. As soon as someone throws something at you intending to hurt you or puts their hand on you in other than a loving manner it is physical abuse. The name calling and derogatory comments is meant to kill any self esteem that your mother may have left, which is emotional and mental abuse. You should get pamphlets about abuse and get your mother to read them. Maybe she will see the light but i doubt it. Most women in this situation believe the man when they say they are sorry and it won't happen again. She is being abused on more than one level! Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Of course this is abuse, both emotional and mental. He seems to have an anger problem by the fact that he throws things at her. When people start abusing property and throwing things that's when you know that anger has gotten out of proportion.

you need to find your Mother a Woman's advocacy group, abuse group so she can get the help she needs. She is not in the right relationship and she's lucky to have a caring daughter like you that can help her overcome this. God bless you.

Answer 8

Yes its abuse a man should never put his hands on a woman...But sadly if your mom dosnt think it is then theres not much you can do...you cant force someone out of a situation like that they seriousally have to hit rock bottom...I would keep talking to her and make it clear that what he is doing is not right and she needs to understand that just because he says sorry dosnt mean hell never do it again..and when she does come to the realization that its wrong be there for her...because shell need someone to lean on...but also maybe its not such a good idea for you to move out and leave her there with him because what if your not there to stop him or call the cops and he takes it to far

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. It sounds all too familiar to me. I'm not making excuses for your mom, but she needs to be able to make his behavior "okay" for herself so she is rationalizing it. It will get worse if she doesn't take action now. Violence at home starts with name calling and put-downs, then it goes on to occasional pushes and shoves and maybe slapping. Finally, it escalates into hitting and weapons.

I don't want to scare you, but he has gotten away with his bad behavior and now feels safe to let it escalate. As long as you and your mom will let him, he will keep at it.

I think that she needs to put her foot down. She must insist that he go for anger management or abuser counseling. If he won't admit to abuse and seek help, she has a problem and must decide whether to let him continue or to get away from him before something very bad and emotionally painful happens. He already knows that she will forgive and try to forget and won't stop him. If she lets this go on, she possibly needs counseling for the abused. Her self-esteem has suffered and she may be weaker than she used to be. Perhaps you can help her see what's going on and be a shoulder for her to lean on. Ending a marriage is painful under any circumstances and she may be trying to avoid that. She may truly love him and he her, but his behavior is mean, wrong and abusive. Help her.

Answer 10

Yes, that is abuse. Her saying their is nothing wrong is a sign. The one getting abused always takes up or makes excuses for the abuser. This is not exceptable a pray she opens her eyes and sees shes better than that.
Good Luck!