Should I keep the kids?

Question

My husband left me 8 months ago. He was involved with another woman. He lives down the street. He has to go out of town for work for three days and wants me to keep the kids. Ok. I hate him. The angel in me is saying they are my kids, keep them. The demon part is saying that he should have thought of these inconveniences before he left. He has set up a whole household for himself, completely furnished threee bedroom house with duplicates of everything for the kids so there is clearly no hope of reconciliation here. I hear that he and the woman split up three weeks ago. I know, that shouldn't matter. But I don't want to be a doormat for him and the mother of the kids when it is convenient for him.

OK judgmental women. Did any of you ask a man why he didn't think of the children before he left? But then the wife must "put the children first." Not surprised. My in-laws live in town, They can watch them. They bought stuff for his new house. Let them offer the support now. Yes, I am bitter.

Answer 1

if they are your kids your are a horrible mother your kids shouldnt be put in the middle of your adult problems and yes you should be taking care of them he is not a good example but you are not doing any better****

Answer 2

I can understand you are hurt and sad. But what you need to remember is your children had nothing to do with what your husband did. They are hurting too, they lost in all this as well. You are not being a mother to the kids when it is convenient for him, you should be a mother to the kids at all times, 100% of the time. Your husband made decisions that has affected all of your lives, but the kids need you to be in their lives and not make them feel like they are pawn to get even with their father.

You can be bitter, that is understandable. But what is not is your attitude towards your own children. They didn't do anything wrong. I think it would be most beneficial for you to get some counseling, because at a time when your children are going to need their mom the most it appears you have checked out. Your children could actually help you to get past a very difficult time in your life if you would let them, however you are setting yourself up to do irreparable damage.
Lori
Lori

Answer 3

ITS OKAY TO BE BITTER!! I mean what women wouldn't be bitter if her husband cheated on her and leaves the kids with her when its convenient for him. YES that is wrong and NO you don't have to put up with it. First off they aren't only your kids they are his kids too. If you financially able to take care of your kids and of course you love them then YOU keep the kids. Think of your kids not about punishing your husband. He will definitely get his! Let your husband know that HEY IM NOT YOUR DOORMAT! Also if you can MOVE you dont want to live down the street from your ex husband when you two get a divorce. Try not to be so bitter things will get better I promise! Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

I cannot believe that you are making your children grow up without their mother to spite your ex. I too had the same thing happen and am now divorced but i have full custody of my kids and he sees them when he wants. No matter how pissed i am at him, the kids have NEVER been put in the middle. They are not pawns in a game, you chose to have them. Your problems with your ex are just that and why should the kids suffer. You obviously don't care too much about them to even be asking a question like this!! They would be better off with the in-laws if that is how little they matter to you!

Answer 5

If you think your kids are an inconvenience you should of thought of that BEFORE you got pg w/ them.If you loved your kids you would keep them so you could spend time with them. if you say you don't want to keep them while he is a way for work.How do you think them kids are going to feel. It's not there fault you guys broke up. If you act like you care maybe your hubby will come around Did you even set down and talk to him about why he left if you acted like you hated him maybe that's why he left maybe he is going through a mid-life crises and has to act like an idiot for a while. SPEND time w/ your kids this is hard on them too let go of the hate so you can show love to your kids they need you.

Answer 6

Let me understand this...they are YOUR kids? How'd did he get custody of them? He left YOU, you should have the children. But honestly, you don't sound like you want them. So my advice would be no, don't keep them. You should stay very far away from those kids because the way you sound, bitter or not, you may actually hurt them to try and hurt him. You seriously need to seek counseling to get yourself together. I'm not dogging you. But as a mother, I don't understand how you can just walk away from your children because of a man, but on the other hand I do. You are really hurt and messed up, please please get some help before you hurt yourself or someone else. Good luck.

Answer 7

I honestly think you shouldn't get rid of the children. You dont want to hurt them because your husband hurt you. They dont deserve that. Dont focus on getting back at your ex. Think about the kids, they need their mother now more then ever. I am a child of divorce and if my mother were to have left me with my dad and totally left my life I wouldnt have known what to do.

Besides is only three days, they are your kids. Three days with them might do you some good. It might do them even better.

Answer 8

I wouldnt use your kids as a way to get back at him, they are your children, right? Instead make sure that he pays child support and if you can alimony and set up a visitation schedule and stick to it. Then he can see the inconveniences that there are to seperation. DO NOT let your kids be your own personal pawns, love them with or without him thats what you sign up for when you become a parent.

Answer 9

you are the kids mother it is your responsibility no matter how much he hurt you the kids always come 1st.you 2 should have joint custody so the kids can come and go at anytime between the homes since you to live so close together.Please keep it civilized for the kids sake,I know he hurt you but the kids will see what a good person you are if you 2 at least TRY to get along.

Answer 10

if u really think u can mannage the kids, and its best for them then keep them. The main thing is that ur treating ur kids like an object, an item. They shud have a say in who they wanna be with, after all it is their life. Though it may hurt a persons feelings its the right thing to do. Also, you should see who can pay for their educatioin, because without that they don't stand a chance in life

Answer 11

I think you should keep the kids because it would be the right thing to do. Dont take it on the kids because you may or may not be holding a grudge against him or because you just may not like him. If you really dont want to watch the kids then just tell him to have someone else do it because you arent up for watching any kids at the moment.