A certain friend of my fiance and I is almost 30, living with their parents, and comes over way too much. My fiance and I have a life - hobbys - jobs - going to school and such, however, this friend calls everyday just wanting to hang out - stays for hours on end. We've tried to not answer the phone, tell them that we are busy, tired, spending time alone, but they don't get the clue. Its not that we don't enjoy their company, its just that they over stay their welcome and we don't have the heart to tell them that they are getting to be too much. My fiance and I have had numerous arguements because he thinks I'm being too harsh - however, he gets annoyed as well from this person. This person calls every single day to hang out. How on earth can I stop this without hurting their feelings? Our friend has a job, but is just unhappy and has thought of suicide in the past - I think my fiance feels impelled to spend time with them, but it is in a very small way, hurting our relationship. HELP!
2007-01-03 06:30:39 · 6 answers · asked by Marilyn Monroe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
from what you write it appears that you already have given the friend polite hints. i think the only thing left to do is be direct. assure them that he still your friend, just that he can't spend all day at your home, without it affecting your relationship.
and perhaps you could set up a bi weekly time and place to hang out, so that when you want to leave you can simply leave without having to throw him out.
2007-01-03 06:38:34 · answer #1 · answered by Lin B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it would work if, when the person called to try the hang-out thing, you could firmly say you can't today but IMMEDIATELY tell them you want them to come over tomorrow. If they are coming over every single day, then the first week hold this person off twice and see him 5 days...then the next two weeks see him 4 days...then 3 days... You need to decide how often you can see this person. He obviously needs to find more to do with his life, but if he hangs out with you every day, he does not have time or the inclination. Is there any chance the 3 of you could go someplace where he could meet more people? Hey, what about finding him a significant other? That would take up a looooottttt of his time.
2007-01-03 14:45:04 · answer #2 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, sometimes people don't get hints and you need to be honest. I think you need to sit down with your friend and set some boundaries. Maybe say that because of your busy lives, you're gonna have to schedule their visits. Assure them that you guys like spending time with them, but reality is that you lead busy lives and you cannot be hanging out every day or every night. If they are true friends, they'll understand and not get offended. And if they get offended, then that's their problem. If you don't put a stop to it now, it will only get worse. Good luck!
2007-01-03 14:38:18 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the next time you have time just say, "Hey, why dont we go over to your house this time?"
or just say, "we need a break because we have a hectic life and we just want to be alone for a little bit."
id know.
2007-01-03 15:11:18 · answer #4 · answered by the new cookie cutter style 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just tell this "friend" of yours to give you guys some peace & pace. if this friend has some intelligence, he should understand. the truth hurts but hey! that's the way it is.
2007-01-03 14:37:33 · answer #5 · answered by mama leila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could just say you come over a little to much.and ask her why she comes over so much if she is a true bff then she will understand.
2007-01-03 14:43:54 · answer #6 · answered by pandas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋