I want to stay in this stage of denial.?

Question

I still cannot fathom the fact that me and my boyfriend just broke up. It's been over three weeks now. I don't wish to let him go. I really don't wish him to leave me. I am a sad person. We hung out a couple of times during this three weeks. And I feel totally comfortable. He'd already expressed that we will be great friends. But it really hurts, because of the lost love. Does anybody understand. Each time i try to get back on my feet, i fall again when the memories flood back to me.Everywhere i go, theres like emotional landmines, and i have to be careful where i thread. I've got blown up a couple of times now. Im just tired. Tired of this. He wants me to move on. He's taught me alot of things, shown me alot of stuff, told me alot of crasy theories. Every time we hang out, i will somehow breakdown in the end. And he will say all sorts of things to ask me to move on. And at the point of time, i feel strong and powerful, but when i get home alone again, i just feel deflated. Come back

Answer 1

You don't want to stay in this stage of denial - actually, you're not in denial, you're in depression.

I can tell the relationship was serious for you, and it's expected to take some time to recover from. The death of a relationship is still a death, an occasion of grief. There are five stages:

Anger
Bargaining
Denial
Depression
Acceptance

You've hit two of them, you may not hit all five, but you should aim for acceptance at some point. It is clear that you need a sense of closure, and you may not be emotionally ready for this yet.

A good start would be to stop hanging out with him. It's emotional torture for you right now. That's not to say men and women can't be friends after a relationship ends - but it takes time. I had been friends with most of my girlfriends in college (I don't keep up with most of them now), but it took time to get over each other and be able to see the other person without the vulnerability that you're suffering.

It is normal to feel vulnerable. You're not a sad person, but a person who is feeling sad. That's an important difference.

What would help is to not let the memories control you, but rather, as they come back, let them pass one at a time, appreciate them, maybe write them in a journal, and then let them go. Make sure to set aside time for yourself for this - humans need silence in order to comprehend the heart, so make sure you turn off your phone and turn off the TV for a little bit each night to let yourself do this.

Was this your first serious boyfriend? It sounds like he means a lot to you. This will get better, but it's toughest at first and even tougher at night. Accordingly, make time for activities you love, and if these activities bring up memories of the boyfriend, make new memories with your friends and family.

This will get better.

Answer 2

Mimi. Everyone wants someone to love and have in their lives. I know exactly what you are saying and feeling. The hurt is so bad and nothing can stop it. The same thing happened to me and I thought the pain would never go away. The fact is there is another great guy out there for you. I know you want to hang on to your ex but the more you do the more you get hope that youll get back together. The pain will just stay and maybe get worse. When this happened to me I could not stop talking to my ex for months. I kept saying we will be friends but the truth is I didn't want that. I finally decided I had to stop talking to her, ignore her and after a while it didn't hurt anymore and I was over her. The pain of being alone is still there but I'v never been lucky with women. I'm sure you'll have no problem finding someone else though.

Answer 3

It will pass, but you need to stop hanging out with him for now. you need to cut all ties. completely. A lot of people have gone through this and it takes time, but you are not ready to be friends with him right now. You love him still and want him back, You have to do new things with new people. It may take a little while but you will feel better sooner than you think. And remember the saying: A new love cures an Old one...

Answer 4

In my opinion, it sounds like he really doesn't know what he wants either. Maybe he is afraid of the commitment. He wants you to move on but wants to be able to hang out still. I think if he really wants you to move on, try do that (for your own sanity). You cannot continue to hang on to something thats not there. Do not allow yourself to continue to hang out with him while you still care for him in a romantic way. After things change, maybe you will be able to hang out. But until then - your only teasing yourself with the idea that there are mutual feelings there and you will end up hurting each time. Maybe after time, he will come back. But then again, maybe not. I have been there before, I wish you the best of luck with your situation. It is very hurtful. Just remember: YOU NEED TO BE YOUR #1 PRIORITY. IF YOU DO NOT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE WILL. Hang in there. The right one will come around.

Answer 5

He is not being fair to you by continuing to "hang out" with you. You can't move on and get over him if you are still being "friends". It sounds like he doesn't want to deal with the emotions and, I'm guessing, considerable anger that is bubbling underneath the surface of your post. Let him go. He doesn't want you anymore and that tired old "friends" thing is lame, lame, lame!

Answer 6

A brake up is hard and its even harder when you still decided to hang out with the guy. Dont put yourself through that, if he's told you that this brake up is for sure then let go, its gonna be hard but why hang out with him as if nothing is wrong when there is.

Answer 7

What you are feeling is perfectly normal...find some good friends to talk to. I'm going through a divorce right now and have very similar problems. Email if you need somone to chat with...

Answer 8

Stop seeing him for 6 months and you'll feel better. You can't be friends with a person who has rejected you. Stop hanging out, stop communicating and stop expecting him to be your great find.

Answer 9

take what you have learned and move on.. use that knowledge to lead a better life.. you have to let him go or you will never get over it...

Answer 10

happened to me once..and trust me it made me look as if I'm the most vulnerable person on earth...! change city..take a holiday,flirt with other people..go out..and u will be a much more happier person...