someone asked a question here stating that he wishes to engage in an "physical activity" with his wife, but she is not willing. I was shocked that some woman on here told him she is wrong. She should do it anyway. Someone even said she do it strickly because he wants it, she is selffish etc. Well I am married too, and I feel like whatever 2 people want do that are married is fine, however if one partner is not comfortable with something isn't it best that the other partner respect the fact that their mate has boundaries? If your mate is uncomfortable for whatever reason with something sexual should the other mate continuly try to force this on them? When I say force I mean try to talk them into it, or show disappointment when they don't get what the want.
And please as a married woman I understand about sacrifices for the sake of you mate. You have to make some for them and they will make some for you, but that is not what I am talking about it.
2007-01-03 05:49:40 · 14 answers · asked by Ms. T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Intimacy is a part of marriage, not only sexual but emotional as well. However, when sex is denied frequently, that's a signal that intimacy has been broken. No one should do what they don't want to do - if a woman sleeps with her man out of love for him despite that she's not in the mood that's one thing, although I'd hope the man would be in tune enough with his woman to take the hint and pour some tea and rub her feet instead.
The use of force, in the physical sense, is considered rape.
The use of talking and expressing displeasure is not exactly healthy. What would be better would be to express the desire, understand the other's desires, and try to find why there's conflict.
Also, a nice night out on the town can help re-establish some things, although it shouldn't push one over one's boundaries. At the same time, if neither partner is sexually satisfied by the other, that's a problem too, one that calls for a counselor.
2007-01-03 07:38:25 · answer #1 · answered by Veritatum17 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of variables here. What was the "physical activity?" What kind of boundaries are we talking about? When did the boundaries come into play?
I know a lot of women who have played (or tried to play) the bait-and-switch on a guy... promising him the world sexually (threesomes, orgies, grand vacations to spectacular places just to have sex, never more than a week without, etc etc etc) only to talk about how she should have joined a convent the day after she returns from the honeymoon and make it a challege for him to even get permission to sleep in the same bed. Was this something that she had (either explicitly or implicitely) said she would do and now she's backing out? Is she just plain refusing to have sex? Does she only want sex twice a week, missionary style, etc? There are a lot of "physical activities" that if my wife didn't do, we'd have a very long (and loud) talk about it. Like sex. I'm sorry, but if her "boudaries" suddenly included having sex with me, that's not okay. I didn't get married to be celebate. On the other hand, if my wife refused to go jogging with me, I would be a little dissapointed and really want her to come along, but oh well, whatever. She'd better not complain if the neighbor girl does want to go jogging with me, though... if you don't want someone else to do it with me, then you'd better be willing. I don't play Scrabble with my wife. Therefore I don't complain when she plays with a guy at her favorite coffee spot. I do have sex with my wife... if that Scrabble game became a prelude to sex, that would be a problem.
All in all, you don't give me enough to go on to know if it's okay or not.
2007-01-03 14:30:06 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure what you mean by 'physical activity' but if you are talking about just sex, and the husband is asking for it, then the wife should give it. That is a commitment she made when marrying the man. That is the whole point of marriage, isn't it? I understand that they may have had the agreement before the marriage to not have sex, but then they didn't really have a reason to get married.
If the 'physical activity' is something gross. Or running a marathon or something then ignore me.
2007-01-03 13:55:42 · answer #3 · answered by toothfairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah my question....
OK here is my opinion on my own question:
Do we not sometimes do things for our spouses that are for THEIR pleasure, not our own?
Do you not get pleasure out of giving your spouse pleasure?
I was not asking her to play with turds or take a table leg up the derriere.
If she never ever wants to do it, so be it. But - this is something that is going to sit in my mind if she wants me to do something that maybe I don't really want to. Why should I? She doesn't respect my needs......
I am SURE of this one thing: if I refused to give my wife oral everyone would be telling me what a selfish jerk I was.
By the way I'm all for respecting boundaries, but there have to be boundaries on that, if that makes sense. What if I were now uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed? Her seeing me in the shower? The smell of a grilled cheese sandwich? Her favorite music? Everyone would tell me to get over it. I realize this is a little more but what I am suggesting is that it is a matter of degree.
2007-01-03 13:54:37 · answer #4 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are strictly talking about sex and the wife does not want to have sex with her husband then I would tend to think there are deeper issues in the marriage that need to be addressed. However, if you are speaking about say for example, oral sex, and the wife is not comfortable with that then by all means I think the two should communicate their needs, desires, limitations, and boundaries as a couple and as individuals. Communication is the key here.
Lori
2007-01-03 14:01:19 · answer #5 · answered by tink3610 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not be married long to a woman who did not want to have sex, might as well live with my mother or sister,, what would be the purpose of not having intimacy in a marriage, that makes no sense,
2007-01-03 13:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally agree!
2007-01-03 13:53:02 · answer #7 · answered by Pildi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are referring the to oral question then yes it should be a 2 way street. If the wife is not a willing participant the hell I would stop giving her oral
2007-01-03 13:52:58 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be very careful about restricting sex from a husband. Sooner or later, if you can't give it to him when he wants, he will look elsewhere. You're married and you still don't understand how important sex is to a man. Get a grip on reality and start giving it up. Otherwise, don't blame him when you catch him cheating on your prudish a*ss.
2007-01-03 14:04:36 · answer #9 · answered by Sax M 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
These things need to be worked out BEFORE marriage.
2007-01-03 13:58:41 · answer #10 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋