Is the concept of "just be yourself" flawed?

Question

What is self but a collection of experiences and other forms of societal programming? When people say you should be yourself it is essentially saying you should be who they, the people, have created. Society, friends, and family have programmed you. So for them to say just be yourself it is like they are saying don’t be yourself, be who we have made you to be. So I ask you, how can one be themselves? What is self?

Answer 1

Self is simply non-conformity to societal programming. Having said that, each person will define it differently. That is the beauty of self. You are very correct in saying that society has programmed us, in that it sets the foundation of how we, as humans, function. Most will follow, to a tee, exactly what society dictates, and therein lies the loss of self. I conclude by saying that by using society's foundation as a mere example, one can function in said society while still going their own way. This is self.

Answer 2

Well certainly society, friends & family play a part in whom you become. Nurture is half of it but nature is the other half. You are born with certain personality traits, certain innate talents, tendencies etc. Who you are is a mixture of who you have been since birth & who you have become as a result of your experiences and the people who have influenced you. Also, you have freewill. You can choose not to allow society to "program" you if this is the way you see it. You can reject the treadmill that they try to put you on & go your own way.

I do however think that the expression "just be yourself" is flawed because unless you're the "norm" or the "ideal" that people expect then they actually don't want you to be yourself (honest, weird, moody, sad, eccentric, etc). They mean be yourself if it's what they think will be pleasing to someone else. If not, then they want you to pretend to be something you're not to conform. I wrote a sarcastic song recently called "Don't be yourself" in response to someone who basically told me to change everything about myself in order to be deemed "acceptable." I realize there are things about me that I should change (for my own well-being), but other things that are really just part of the angst & quirkiness that comes from being an artist, I refuse to change. Why stop being who I am to please someone else? I've never been a conformist, why start now?

Answer 3

to answer the primary question: the concept of self is flawed where it does not recognize the limitations of 'individuality'.
you are correct, it is the nature of the human to 'become' a compilation of ideas and habits that have been handed to one from birth. the 'self' is shaped by anyone who has influence. depending on the age (or intelligence), one is influenced by everything they hear and see, at first, then later they construct filters through which influence is limited- but even then, not as much as some would like to think. this is why it is good for a parent to limit children's access to influence by others, like TV, or teachers that may have a different world-view.

when someone says "just be yourself" they either 1) want you to buy something, 2) are merely repeating the words of the commercial they have been seeing constantly, 3) are mouthing a particular brand of dogma. apart from these options the phrase lacks any significant meaning.

perhaps the 'self' can be defined as that thing which is being shaped/influenced.

Answer 4

Let me answer this as a musician.

I have been writing/performing/recording for over 40 years. There is no way to deny and no way I can escape the INFLUENCE of every musician around me - famous or not.

So, yes, I am in a great sense the sum total of all my experiences and influences.

Now....at what point do you acknowledge (if you do) where a person "creates" their own style.

Style is certainly an accepted element of any endeavor - especially artistic. People speak of a writer's style or a musician's style. You get the idea.

Do I or do I not have my own style?

I contend that I do, as I have now recorded two CDs and am working on my 3rd. There are recurring phrases and timing in my "style."

At the same time, I do not try to deny that I have many influences.

Does this answer your question or does it raise other questions?

Answer 5

Of course the people and things around you affect who you are, but it's still you! It's impossible to live and not be affected by others. They don't "program you", as you put it. The media, family, friends, other people, environment, etc. must be interpreted by the person dealing with them to determine how to perceive them. A person may decide that they like an idea presented in a book they read better than what their friends told them. The book didn't "program them".

Anyways, if you did imitate the person who said "be yourself", you would be unhappy, because you wouldn't be doing/saying what you want to, and they would probably get bored and annoyed because you aren't unique.

Answer 6

I think your answer is very deep and true, except for, I believe, one thing. People have self-interests, and this is part of our elemental survival instincts as a species. Therefore, we are not so completely dominated by the image that is set up for us by others, especially since the decisions all come down to what is best for us, or ourselves. And in being programmed by other self-interest beings, they did not add this self-interest to ourselves--rather, it is of our OWN doing that we make some type of identity for ourselves. But I agree, to a great extent, the people and environment in our lives change and format us. I guess it just comes down to the whole "Gene vs. Scene" argument.

Answer 7

It depends on how flawed you are. Personally I think a better motto should be to just try to continually improve oneself. However that particular saying does have value in the sense that it reminds people of the futility of trying to be someone else.

Self is whatever you want it to be. Sure we are an aggregate of genetics and experiences but really what self is, is how we react to those potentials.

Answer 8

I agree flawed but I think it is more a cop out so people don't have to follow the social niceties.

As for self..there is no real "self" as a self is constantly changing so no way to ever really be "yourself"

Answer 9

Only if you say it is. What you yourself finds true, will prove true because that's how life tends to go about itself. We get what we expect. We expect ourselves to know english because our parents know english at birth, thus we learn it. But after learning english, we usually don't expect ourselves to be fluent in any other languages unless our families are multilingual. Which alot of the times isn't the case in America, thus we never learn another language. Whether or not you say you can do something, or can't do something, you're right either way. Choose wisely.

Answer 10

I think you have been in the social science section too much lately. It is a rather large presumption you have; this social constructionist perspective. It is obvious that your science acumen is still in the 60's. Among biologist, it is well know that your position is not supported by the evidence. I suggest you peruse some evolutionary biology texts, as you perspective is exactly backwards of the truth.