not always be in the mood? I find myself hardly in the mood to make love to my husband. I feel bad for him sometimes, but I just don't want to. Is there something wrong with me? And I really have to try to get in the mood to help him out. He feels like I'm not attracted to him, but I am. I think he is goregous. I love him. Please no rude comments. I need help here.
2007-01-03 05:47:05 · 31 answers · asked by Susa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sex is not only for your husband but it's also for your enjoyment. Maybe find a time during the day when you're the most productive or energized. If you're not a night person, and you're waiting till midnight to start something, obviously you will be too tired. So maybe try changing the time of day. Also try taking a long bath and prepare yourself. Put some smelly lotion, perfume, nightie, make-up, etc. If you're not feeling pretty or sexy, it's sometimes hard to get in the mood. Communication is key, so also let him know what are the things that turn you on and turn you off. Bottom line is that you love your husband and sex is just another way to express to each other how much you love and enjoy each other. Sex should never be a chore or a duty, it should be about giving AND receiving pleasure. Good luck!
2007-01-03 05:58:23 · answer #1 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I know where you coming from. After working 8 hours day, cooking (sometimes) I am tired or just not in the mood. So, I truly know what you are saying. After my husband spoke to me on several occasions about my "being tired or not in the mood". I learn to compromise. Men need attention, they want to feel love and they want sex. We as women can love men and give that attention but sex does not have to be the way we show it all the time (hope you ladies agree). My husband started saying things like "are you attracted to me, etc. It had gotten to the point where he would count the days we've had sex. So, I decided to start making love to him more often. Now there are some days that when I say, I am not feeling it, he would not bother but on the most part we make love more often. So, there are times I just don't feel like it but I go ahead and "do it". So compromise more with him and even though sometimes you don't feel like it just do it. It is hard sometimes to just have sex when you don't feel like, but that's a part of marriage and you shouldn't keep denying him. I will tell you what my great-great aunt (ole'skool), told me once, if you don't do it, somebody else will. Compromise girlfriend and it will be alright.
2007-01-03 14:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? Did you enjoy having sex often before you got married and then it dwindled after? If you've never been an overly sexual person, then it's just not your style. But if this just begun it is more than likely due to something weighing heavily on your mind. I know when I have a lot on my mind, concerning my fiance or not, then I don't want to either. And if I do give it to him, it's just for him and I find that I can't have an orgasm. Think about where you are in your life, what's going on right now. Do you suspect him of cheating or some other thing? The problem (and solution) is inside of you. But for now, try to let him know it's not him (unless it is and if so you should be honest with him about it). Hold him instead, cuddle. Let him know that its just a phase and there are other ways to be intimate. But also watch out, you need to get this fixed - whatever it is-right away. Because even in the bible it warns couples about spending too much time apart sexually - least intruders come in and steal it away. If you don't give it to him, don't be surprised or mad if he gets it somewhere else. If all else fails, seek professional help or you'll be having serious problems in your marriage. Good luck.
2007-01-03 13:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone, including men, are "out of the mood" at times. Aside from any medical issues you haven't addressed, it can be as simple as giving yourself compliments and pleasure.
Meaning, you need to see what's "hot" about you. It's a great thing to fantasize and feel sexy about your own body. It's also a good thing to have some "alone" time with a vibrator. The more you can turn on your own mind and body, the more so it will be with your husband. BTW...share some--not all--of your fantasies with your husband, not just in bed, but maybe while having lunch at a restaurant. Just start telling him about some dirty thought you've been thinking of. I'd put money on the fact that you wouldn't make it home..if ya know what I mean...If you don't have one, get a "toy", tell him you've been using it and thinking of him...these ideas are definitely some ways to get your juices flowin' again!
2007-01-03 14:09:16 · answer #4 · answered by Kell L. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. At all. Whatsoever. It might be easier for me personally to answer this question more fully if I knew how long you had been married; but even without that information, I can again state definitively that there's nothing wrong with you. This is just something you're going to have to spend some time talking about with him when he's not "in the mood" and prone to feel rejected if you say no.
2007-01-03 14:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by ckmclements 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so glad that you posted your question because I find myself going through the same thing and I don't know what to do. My husband is handsome, kind, gentle, funny and just an overall great guy who loves me and desires me. Because of me being not in the mood he has now become very insecure and I hate the fact that he feels that way because he use to be so confident and I feel responsible for his own insecurity.
I am sorry that I could not give you any advice because I am seeking the same thing as you...
2007-01-03 14:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't fix this, you will have a bigger problem than you think on your hands. Sex is important to guys, and sometimes it's a deal breaker. Guys measure attraction through sex, and if you don't show on a consistent basis that you desire him he will indeed feel you are not attracted to him. I think you know the real reason why you are never in the mood but you don't want to face it. I can tell by the way you asked this question that you are running from the reason. You need to face the real reason head on like a real woman. There is indeed something wrong with you and it's your dancing around this issue. So, since you already know what is wrong with you, fix it. It's really not as hard as you think it is, the hard part for you is facing the issue head on.
2007-01-03 13:57:18 · answer #7 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have to go the extra mile.
Look I don't enjoy going shopping for clothes with my wife. I don't enjoy doing laundry. I don't enjoy scrubbing the toilet or taking out the garbage.
If making love to your husband is an even bigger chore than that I think maybe you need to talk to your doctor and not dance around the issue (don't say stuff like "I'm tired" say "My sex drive is zilch".
Your options:
1. Medical - find a medical fix
2. Psychological - therapy to fix
3. Just make more of an effort and try to have fun.
4. Keep your husband miserable forever until he cheats on you or divorces you.
This will eventually wreck your marriage if you do not fix it. The burden is on you.
Any woman (or man) who tells you that a spouse can deny their spouse of physical intimacy forever with no issues is going to get divorced themselves.
Oh by the way check with your birth control method. My wife did the Nuva Ring and it worked great - 7 months of no sex at all because it killed her sex drive, even after being off it for 3 months. 100% effective birth control.
2007-01-03 13:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its completely normal for a woman's sexual urge to change with her cycle. Your sexual urges are related to your horomones so when they cycle, so will your needs.
HOWEVER if you don't even have 2 to 3 days a month when you are in the mood (maybe not wanting to "jump his bones" but at least willing to go along with his desires.) then you should really see a doctor. You may be experiencing a drop in hormone level and that can easily be remedied!! (and that 2-3 days is a guideline. Its different for all women in various ages.)
And don't forget that helping him doesn't always mean intercourse for you. You guys can play around with other 'techniques' that might help him feel loved, appreciated, sexy and relieved, without actually asking you to have intercourse if your body isn't ready for that on that day.
2007-01-03 13:59:12 · answer #9 · answered by kerrisonr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe with more help from your husband you'll feel more attractive and sexy ... my man is constantly playing games, flirting, complimenting me ... etc ... it truly makes me feel good about myself ... in return ... I want him ... just because he wants me so bad and makes me feel like I'm the only woman on Earth he needs ... !
Start reading some books ... buy some new toys ... do something different ... get your hair done ... anything ... that will make you want to show him how sexual you really are ... start playing with yourself more often - watch porn ... dress up ... do something ... anything ... !
If all else fails ... try seeing the doctor ... maybe it's hormonal or something ... it's not always controllable ... the body is very weird ... good luck ... now go get laid ... lol ... !
2007-01-03 13:58:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋