He is 53 and I am 39. I have two children, 15 and 11. We do not live together. Don't you think he would have made a move by now? We have discussed it and he says he wants to marry me, but there seems to always be an obstacle....now it is that I have had to work late several times over the past few months and I'm not making enough time for him. Sounds like a cop out to me. Should I cut and run?
2007-01-03 05:43:32 · 17 answers · asked by sassybelle19 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he wanted to be married, he would be married. Try being single for a while. Join women's groups, and parent groups that will support you in doing the important job of raising your children to successful adulthood. then when they are raised and building their adult lives, resume chasing men who have no interest in marriage. Better yet, fucus on being a good citizen, role model, and samaritan - and everything else will take care of it self.
2007-01-03 06:16:09 · answer #1 · answered by Mermzie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Seven years is way too long to wait. It's good that you aren't living together though, because that would be tragic. If he's 53 you would think he'd be ready to settle down by now, unless he was married and now just wants to chill. And that's fine, but he should say so and not string you along. When he complains that you work late and have no time for him, you tell him if he married you, you'd be coming home to him every night and the complaints should then stop. But if he's just not willing to marry you and that's what you want, then I'd say yes, you need to cut and run. You've already wasted seven years and you aren't getting any younger (not an insult, I'm 36 myself). Good luck.
2007-01-03 13:59:13 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally I don't make blanket statements like this because I don't see them as being helpful, but yes. Seven years is much too long.
It seems on the surface that there is no good reason why the two of you shouldn't be married. That is, unless your man has some issue that he has yet to tell you about.
If both of you truly want to be married, then there should be no obstacle you wouldn't be willing to overcome in order to do so. Even though my wife and I had very little money and almost no time to spare, we still got engaged and were married in a year.
Make it happen if you both want it to happen. But first find out if he honestly does want it to happen.
2007-01-03 13:48:40 · answer #3 · answered by Jeff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not want to marry you at all. He is 53, so by that age he knows he will not live forever. maybe he doesn't want to take responsibility over your kids. or just likes his freedom.
Move on. find someone that will be there for you. You have waited long enough, a proposal is not going to happen with this man. sorry.
2007-01-03 13:54:34 · answer #4 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heck yeah!!! Look, if he wanted to marry you he would have done so a long time ago. The truth of if is this: If a man wants you in his life, if he loves you so much that the thought of sharing you with another man kills him - or being away from you and not sharing in your daily life leaves him empty - he WILL marry you.
He will walk through fire, pay any amount of money, bust his butt, travel great distances, deny his friends and go without food or sleep.
If he tells you he doesn't isn't sure about marrying you because your hair isn't long enough, you work overtime, you have a cat or because the tax laws changed - LOOSE HIM NOW! He is wasting your time and it's unfair to you and your kids!
2007-01-03 13:47:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not the amount of time that matters, but the point at which you need something more or need to move on. Have you two spoken with a counselor, someone who is objective and can see how you two relate, bring out your deepest concerns and fears, and help you through the process without making the decision for you?
Good for you for not living with the guy. Your kids don't deserve that - and they also don't deserve a guy who is non-committal. Maybe he has some issue that counseling with help with. But if he won't commit to you, he doesn't deserve you.
2007-01-03 15:11:51 · answer #6 · answered by Veritatum17 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what you want for your future. If you're happy with your family and just dating, then by all means, stay in this relationship. If, on the other hand, you're looking for marriage and a future with a man and your children, cut and run. He's obviously not interested in marrying you. If he was, no excuse like you're having to work late, would keep him from popping the question. Sounds like he likes the relationship just like it is. He gets what he wants from it and you get the left overs...
2007-01-03 13:49:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a cop out to me.
At your age and point in life, marriage should be simple, quick and relatively cheap. So most of the obstacles for young people just aren't there.
His obstacle is his lack of comittment. I think you've wasted your time.
2007-01-03 13:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes... it's time to move on... He's using you for his own personal needs and nothing more... You want someone who will make you number one, not a side attraction for when he "needs" you... His true colors will come out when you tell him that you're thinking about breaking up... Check his reaction out... and his actions... It's time he make a commitment one way or the other...
2007-01-03 13:54:12 · answer #9 · answered by deakjone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is a saying: why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free. you need to leave him. that's RIDICULOUS! life is too short for that sh@#. he obviously doesn't want to marry you, he just wants you to act like his wife and not have to do a damn thing that a husband is to do. then he can always use the excuse that you two are not really married.
2007-01-03 13:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋