Men and women please answer. I was so excited, but now all of her attention is focused on our son. We couldn't wait to conceive and tried and succeded the month we got married. Now I regret it, I want time with my wife, l want her to pay more attention to me. Is this normal or am I selfish?
2007-01-03 05:38:22 · 21 answers · asked by jrawls 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Relax. It is very common. Try and get involved more with the care of your son, and build a bond with him. In time, as baby gets older, you and your wife will be afforded more time alone....especially once baby is sleeping through the night. Just make sure you express to your wife your feelings of being left out. Believe me, most women undestand this. We know when we are giving all that attention to the new little addition, that our husband is getting less.
Congratulations, by the way, raising boys is AWESOME!!!!
2007-01-03 05:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
You two got a very quick start to parenting. Unfortunately you really didn't get a chance to know each other first. As to being jealous it is a bit normal but the conditions do not need to exist to create the jealousy in the first place.
Both of you need to concentrate on parenting. BUT and here is the big but, one of the biggest mistakes new parents make is forgetting to be a couple. The time spent parenting and caring for the child can seem overwhelming. There are a few pitfalls which can be avoided to help.
Keep the kid out of the marital bedroom. the child should have its own sleep space. Establish that early and stick with it. Every person must learn to sleep alone anyway.
Put the kid on a sleep schedule as soon as it can be established.
Nothing screws up childhood development quicker than not establishing a bedtime. 8:30 is appropriate until maybe 8 years old. It was 10:00 pm here until age 15, both honor students, coincidence?
Where is this going? It means that you two MUST make time for the couple. After bed is a good time to spen 1 or 2 hours together. Set this time aside for togetherness, quiet, talk, sex, whatever. But don't forget couple time. If you do this you have a chance of staying together.
How many times have you seen on this post questions about people with kids 1 or 2 years old drifting apart? Many I'll wager.
Mostly it is a result of the baby becoming a 24 hour job for one or both. That leaves no time for marriage maintenance.
If you think for a moment that marriages do not need maintaining you are doomed to divorce.
MAKE TIME FOR THE COUPLE!
Being a mother does not replace being a wife only adds to the roles.
2007-01-03 06:18:19 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying, ever since our son was born I have a hard time being attentive to my husband. The baby just seems to take up every moment and every thought I have. At least for a few weeks that's how it was. It is very normal and very necessary actually. Biologically your wife is programmed to have hormones and emotions that cause her to focus almost entirely on the baby, this is so they can do important bonding and get to know each other. It will pass and she will be more attentive to you. In the mean time you just do everything you can to be involved. Sit next to her and cuddle her while she nurses your daughter. Support her in every way you can and take care of the baby as much as you can too because even though your wife is very focused she needs a rest too. Run a hot bath for her while you play with or just hold the baby, she will appreciate your support SO MUCH and it will make it easier for her now and better for you later.
2016-05-22 23:05:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish at all and is quite normal to feel that way (and a lot of husbands do feel that way). You can talk to your wife, let her know how you are feeling but there are going to be things she must do for the baby and for a time, you will have to take a backseat. But you could also join in the mommy and me time by taking an active role in caring for the baby. She's probably breast feeding, but you could sit on the couch with them while the baby nurses and you can hold your wife, give her hugs and kisses. Also, ask her to pump every so often so that you too can feed the baby - while she sits by with you. After some time, ask your parents or hers to come over and sit with the baby, even if you two don't go out, even if you only take a bath or nap together, that should help. I really hope something works and don't feel bad for wanting some attention, it's only natural. Good luck.
2007-01-03 05:44:32 · answer #4 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What you are feeling is completely normal and most men feel that way. Before having the child, it was just the two of you and the attention was a lot better. Now that you have a child, she has feedings, baths, housework , lack of sleep etc etc to do. If you want to feel closer to your wife and your child, why not help with the feedings, housework etc. This will help to bring you closer to both plus it will leave her a little more time to have for you. Having a child is a big adjustment in a marriage but it is one that is worth it! Good luck to you!
2007-01-03 07:20:44 · answer #5 · answered by blueidgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its both. Let your wife know how you feel. Try and carve out some time for your selves while the baby sleeps. Even if its sharing a quiet cup of tea together, watching a favorite TV show. Life drastically changes after baby, you have to adjust.
2007-01-03 05:42:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Normal and you are selfish -- but again it is normal. Life will get some normalcy back after the first year. Hang in there and support her with everything you have. That will allow her to relax and remember you. So dive in and give that baby some love -- nothing is sexier than a helpful person!
2007-01-03 05:42:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anna H 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is pretty normal. The bad news is that you are going to have to get used to it. Newsflash: you are both parents now. For you that means that you get to share in the tasks of child rearing and understand that your wife is not "wonder woman". For her, that means that she has more to take care of than just you, and at this point the baby needs a heck of a lot more attention than you do.
For me the worst part was that the "titty fairy" visited and did wonderful things to my wife. The cruel irony was that suddenly she didn't want me to have anything to do with them anymore... ;)
2007-01-03 05:45:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's a completely natural feeling to be jealous.
After all, this is all new to you.
It's what you DO with your jealousy that will make a whole world of difference.
Try talking to your wife about it...I'm sure she'll understand.
Just don't let jealousy get out of hand
2007-01-03 05:42:34 · answer #9 · answered by Miss Lucky13 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its a normal feeling. Maybe hold the baby more or try to spend time with your wife by leaving the baby with someone and go out.
2007-01-03 05:44:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋