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To me it's a given. It's as simple as a child petiing or playing with a dog or cat, or best friends of any age spending all their free time together, having a million laughs. You love to play the guitar, so you play as ofetn as you can. You love someone or something, it's obvious. You show it because its what you feel. It comes naturally. Do you believe that there are really people who love without the ability to show it, as in a wife who "loves" her husband yet never initiates affection, never shows excitement at his presence, never smiles when they spend time together, etc.? In short, are they incapable of showing love or, if love is a verb, of loving altogether?

2007-01-03 05:32:10 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science Psychology

20 answers

i sure hope so- because my man doesn't usually show it in the general ways- however, some people tend to show their love in other ways- for example When I wanna make my guy feel special because that's how I am feeling- i will give him a hug or a kiss out of nowhere, or just look at him and tell him how happy he makes me- but my guy doesn't do those particular things- instead he will listen to what I have to say- if I mention that I like eating at a particular place- he will go out of his way to take me there to eat - or he encourages me to find ways to better myself- but he never comes out an directly say Your Awesome or i love you- he will come and fix my car when i am stranded on the side of the road at10 pm and he has to be at work at 3 am- so the person might be showing love but it might not necessarily be in the usual ways we are accustomed to looking for!!

2007-01-03 05:39:47 · answer #1 · answered by shannon 4 · 0 0

I certainly believe there are people out there who just aren't very affectionate, but I believe most people can love, even if they don't show it.

However, I also know someone who has never been in love and has no strong, passionate feelings for anything. He feels his parents are strangers, enjoys his best friends in small doses, and lives a stoic, emotionless life. He likes things, but doesn't love anything. It's certainly possible, albeit rare.

To answer your question, I'm pretty sure everyone starts off able to love, but due to circumstance, development, or experience, the ability may fade and even disappear. I think once it reaches that point, you just kind of become disinterested. Maybe intrigued by the notion(wanting to see what the big deal is), but the subject matter remains as alien as E.T.

2007-01-03 15:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by prohatchetman 1 · 1 0

I believe there are many individuals who love without the ability to show it in a way that's acceptable, or makes another feel as though its genuine.

Many of these people are simply modeling behavior displayed by their parents. They hear daddy say "I love you" to mom but he never smiles, they never hug, he never seems to make sacrifices, nor does he appreciate the meals she prepares. The biggest problem is that one can't look at oneself and easilty see a problem they possess. Outsiders can let them know in subtle ways or even shoot it to them straight "Look, you may love me but you don't show it...everyone notices this but you. I'm only trying to help so you can enjoy life more thoroughly by getting a better response from those around you" Unless the individual who is not capable of displaying love in a way that's accepted by others decides to put forth the effort and change within themselves, it will probably never happen. Its almost impossible to inform someone of a problem they never knoew existed. They'll simply explode with anger

2007-01-03 13:50:02 · answer #3 · answered by charming2401 1 · 0 0

No,everyone has love for something,everyone is capable of loving something.Many people love without showing it,they have put up a brick wall,because they fear hurt or not fitting in. Even the homeless love,they just dont have a reason too.There ideas in life have been put down to the point they have shut themselves off because they have no reason.More than likely someone or something(war) has made them cold.

2007-01-03 13:53:28 · answer #4 · answered by horses_america 2 · 0 0

There are some personality disorders that involve an inability to display emotions/relate to other people in an involved or affectionate way. These people are truly incapable of being demonstrative, or sometimes even of understanding the need that normal people have of receiving assurances and demonstrations of affection. This is also true of some of the people who have autism spectrum disorders.

Whether a personality disorder constitutes a brain chemical pathology, and how a personality disorder comes about, are matters of debate in the psychiatric medical profession, but there is no soubt about the existance of these disorders. This is a website that gives some explanation of them:

http://mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=8

My experience with relatives who have been diagnosed with personality disorders is that these people are truly unable to change the way they are, although counseling and therapy can help them to become somewhat easier to get along with, and has helped me to understand what expectations of them I can have that are realistic.

It sounds to me as if you have encountered someone who has a personality disorder, and are trying to understand whether their behavior is deliberate and based on a calculated coldness and desire to cause hurt, or whether they really can't help themselves. And further, perhaps, whether there is any possibility of "fixing" them so that they can be warm, caring, and loving, capable of both giving and receiving affection.

If this is the case, the best advice that I can give you is that a person who is afflicted with a personality disorder is for all practical intents and purposes unable to change the way they relate to people. Intensive counseling and therapy can make small changes, but in the absence of the counseling or therapy the person is likely to revert to their former behavior.

Whether that's sufficient for you to try to maintain a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder is your call. What you need to know is that the person with a personality disorder is who he/she is, and they cannot be someone different; nor can they be sorry or regretful that they can't give you what you may want or need in the way of affirmation of love. It's on that basis that you need to make your decisions about your relationship with them, not on some assumption that you may be able to "fix" their problem or change them.

Good luck.

2007-01-03 14:34:07 · answer #5 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0 1

Yeah, it's possible.
Sociopaths probably don't even have feelings of love.
I don't know if a regular person could pull off never showing love. The only thing I've heard of like that would be Snape from Harry Potter. Hahah.

2007-01-03 14:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by jasdlkdfhd 3 · 0 0

i believe so cuz i am having a hard time showing my husband of 3 yrs love, as in affection. only because {i realize now that} i have never been shown that love and i have shut myself down for many yrs so i did not get hurt. it's not that simple if u have never really felt it and shut yourself down for a long time just to avoid the pains. I go to a counselor know and know the reason behind this madness and actually i never knew cuz as a child i turned myself off to emotions...L

2007-01-03 13:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by ben and lisa h 3 · 0 0

To me its a given too ; when i love som1 , i really like showing it to them..I prefer to express my feelings whatsoever...

I actually dont have a clear explanation for those who are incapable of showing love , its a fact though..At first I would think that they dont love me back or sth , but by time i'd find out that they really love me , through certain actions or situations , but they just cant show it..

2007-01-03 13:54:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

There is some people that just don't know how to show love. Its very hard for them, because either when they were younger, nobody showed them what love was, or they are just afraid to show it. I think a person knows it, it just can be very hard to express sometimes, and with guys it more likely than women.

2007-01-03 13:41:04 · answer #9 · answered by Tommy's_Sweet_Girl 5 · 0 0

Yes I never remember my dad hugging me or my brothers & sister. He never told us he loved us. We are grown now and we know it is due to the way he was raised. Believe me when you are a kid you do not understand. You sure do miss it. My Mom tried to make up for it but there was always something missing there.

2007-01-03 13:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by d3midway semi-retired 7 · 0 0

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