i'm 26 years old and my fiancee is 27. i'm due to get married in 3 1/2 weeks to him. i had been having womans problem and found out today i won't be able to have children. he loves children, i know he wants them. i have never loved someone so much in my whole life and i know he feels the same way. do you think he'd leave me if i told him. i know this is terrible of me but i was thinking of not telling him. what do i do. he is the only person i could ever be with and we've both kept ourselves until ur wedding night....i'm so confused, i just don't know what to do....
2007-01-03 05:28:57 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he's an ***! I doubt it
If the man loves you enough to ask you to marry him. That should be all that matters. Everything can be worked out between you.
2007-01-03 05:32:04 · answer #1 · answered by niceguy_thats_me2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, i read the other answers and i agree, the right thing to do is to tell him. And let the chips fall where it may. Then i started thinking, what if it was me?. Do i really want to hear that just a few weeks before the big day, the day he has been waiting and looking forward to. Then i thought, do i really need to hear that, or rather, does he really need to hear that just a few weeks before the wedding. Wouldnt he only be thinking about that?. the right thing to do is obviously to tell him, but this is a hard decision. What if you told him after? what will happen? He might accuse you of holding something back and lying but if you dont want to tell him and want to wait after the wedding, how would you tell him? Go with him to the doctors and have the doctors tell you both? This is not an easy decision. But i would rather not hear it just a few weeks before the wedding. You can always adopt or have a surrogate mother. Those are two options. good luck
2007-01-03 05:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by SIVA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to tell him the truth. If you don't tell him until after he will feel he had no choice. You need to tell him how you feel about it too. Let him know you are devastated as well. But before you get married you think he has a right to know what you will be faced with in the future and that you will work through it together.
If for any reason he leaves you.........I really don't think that will happen......but if it does then he is not the man you thought he was in the first place. He does not deserve you. Immediately when you found out that your body is not "normal" you thought of him and what it may do or how it will make him feel. You are a self less person!! AMEN to you! You are a saint!! I went crazy crying and sulking and sobbing for months.
I am married too and found out I cannot have children either. My husband and I have agreed to adoption. There are many options.
Tell him, you have no choice.
My prayers are with you!!
2007-01-03 05:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear of your news. However, this is the person you will be with for the rest of your life - you are soon to take vows saying you will be with each other in good times and in bad. You need to be honest with him - TODAY. Just tell him. You are not to blame for not being able to have kids.
I think he would be very angry if you entered into marriage deceiving him this way. You need to be honest and if you can't be honest with the man you are about to marry than you shouldn't be getting married.
You do not want to go through years of deceiving him trying to have kids when you know you cannot have them.
Once you and he have accepted you cannot have kids, you two together can start to explore the idea of adoption. Adoption is a wonderful way to start a family.
2007-01-03 05:35:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear such bad news. I think you should certainly tell him. If you're meant to be he'll still marry you. First off this news is too much of a burden to keep inside, it'll tear you apart. He'll find out eventually and will be more angery to find out you kept it from him. You still have options. Such as adoption, which is a wonderful alternative. Or perhaps some other medical methods to explore. But definitely tell him and together plan a way to start a family. Good luck with everything.
2007-01-03 05:35:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your situation. I can't imagine all the stress and emotions you're feeling right now. My advice is to tell him ASAP. He's going to find out sooner or later and if he finds out after you're married, he will be upset that you hid this from him. If he really loves you, he will understand that this is not your fault. There are a lot of medical breakthroughs and discoveries that you might not be aware of that will help you conceive. But if not, there are still a lot of options for you guys (i.e. adoption). Though it's sad news, it doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. Talk to him immediately. Good luck!
2007-01-03 05:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all if you love him and he loves you he will understand. there are so many babies born that need great parent. second that is a huge thing to keep away from some one you love, so you might think real hard a be sure this is the one for you. third go some where quite and pray that he understand how much you love him and that you are terrifed you will lose him over this. if he loves you he will most likely be mad but should understand. i hope every thing works out for you and know that you should always share everything with him so you dont have to go through this again.
2007-01-03 05:37:20 · answer #7 · answered by willieet70 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your peace of mind and to secure your future with him, he does need to now so he can deciede what he wants to do, and I hope that it works out in your favor. The reason I say he needs to know "now", is so that if he changes him mind (and I hope not) then you won't have to go through the expense of the wedding and all the other expenses that come with getting married, and him getting offended later and resentful by you not telling him before the wedding.. I am so sorry for your situation, but you both need to sit down and talk. Good Luck, and God Bless.
2007-01-03 05:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I know you don't really want to hear this but you should tell him. If he really loves you, and I do mean really, then he won't leave you. You can investigate other avenues like adoption if you both really want children. But being married is first about the two of you, being together. If he walks out then he probably wasn't worth marrying anyway.
2007-01-03 05:32:51 · answer #9 · answered by Elizabeth Howard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the tables were turned and he was the one that wasn't able to produce children would you leave him? It sounds like you wouldn't and I'd bet he wont leave you. You've got to tell him ASAP because if he finds out that you knew this info and didn't tell him that would be really bad. It would even be grounds for having the marriage annulled. Tell him right away, it's the right thing to do. If he loves you like you say he does everything will be fine.
2007-01-03 05:35:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you dear thing, what a awful thing for you, but hun you must tell him, and if he loves you as much as you think he dose, he will still marry you.. it is best to get this out in the open now rather than somewhere down the road, and if he found out later that you kept it from him, he is going to be so hurt..
trust the relationship that you two have built , which sounds to me like is based on truth and trust..
I will be praying for you that things go well for you..
God bless you my dear.. :-(
2007-01-03 05:34:44 · answer #11 · answered by Lorene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋