This is a serious question...I want some ideas on how to deal with this.?

Question

I am pregnant with my second child. I am 26 years old and have been married for almost 8 years. My daughter is 2 and my second child is due about 3 months before she turns 3. I have a good marriage with no problems. Anyway, my sister is 33 and she can't get pregnant. She has had one miscarriage and she is in the middle of an adoption. We are close, but she is very negative of every decision I ever make. I understand she wants to look out for me but she actually got mad when I got pregnant with my daughter. So now I am pregnant again and I haven't even told her because I don't want to listen to her mouth. I love her but I don't look forward to telling her because she is going to get so mad. Every one says she is jealous of me and that's why she acts like she does, but it's not my fault she can't get pregnant. I don't feel I should put what I want on hold in life because I feel sorry for her. How should I go about telling her about my pregnancy? How should I deal with her negativity?

I just wanted to add that my baby is due in August and she may not get her baby until November of December so mine will be here first. I also wanted to add that it isn't just pregnancy that she is negative about...it's everything, from me wanting to paint my house and her telling me not to, to me saying I went to Walmart and her saying I don't stay home enough. It's to the point that when I talk to her, before I even make a simple statement, I find myself wondering if my statement will make her start. It's complete negativity about everything....

Answer 1

You should definitely tell her about the pregnancy yourself. If she finds out from someone else, she will be more likely to get hurt/angry, etc. Since she is in the middle of an adoption and will now have a child, even if not biologically, she may be more likely to be understanding and accepting of your situation. At the same time, try to be supportive of her situation, it must be very frustrating for her to not be able to have her own children, especially if she wants kids so badly. You may not fully understand what she is going through, but you can be there for her.

Answer 2

I would wait a little while if I could, and try to focus on her impending bundle of joy, before you tell her about yours. She is probably a little jealous. You can get pregnant after all, and you probably got pampered a little during your first pregnancy. You and your parents should lavish some attention on her, and her baby for a while first. Let her know that you aware of how stressfull the adoption process can be, but that you are very excited about the soon to be addition to the family. You should throw her a shower, and make a baby book for an adopted baby( scrape book store should have plenty of supplies). Do some things to make her adoption process as special as you can, and as easy for her as possible. Then sit her down in private tell her you are so excited, because you have a very special gift for your niece or nephew. That you are expecting a baby and they will have a friend forever in this child. Then if she is upset let her be for a while. When you talk to her again tell her that you both love your children the same, and they are all equally a part of the family. That you are proud of all the work she went through to have her child with her, and you wish she could be proud of all the work you go through to have your children. Tell her you know it is difficult for her, but you need her support like you gave her your support. If she can't do that then at least you tried. Do not let her upset you. It is not your fault she can't get pregnant, and she will still have a child. You must think about you and your childs health, and being upset all the time is not healthy. I understand it is hard if you can't get pregnant, but I do not understand why these woman personally seem to hold it against those that can. If she can't get past it tell her you are sorry. That you would love for her to be able to have a baby, but that it is not your fault she can't, and you can not stop from doing what is best for your family, because of her problem. She wouldn't if the situation were reversed. Good Luck with your pregnancy and her adoption. I bet they are both truly beautifull babies

Answer 3

It is very painful to have conflict with someone we love very much. However, you can not do anything about the way she acts. You can only choose how you react in any given situation. I would not wait until her adoption is finalized to tell her you are pregnant. When her adoption is final she deserves to be the center of attention for a little while being the new mom. If you wait until then to tell her, she may think you are trying to "steal her show" so to speak. While you love your sister, you are an adult with a husband you are raising a family with. You must make the decisions that are best for you and your family. I think you should tell your sister that you are pregnant. Even if she is not happy for you or reacts negatively, your responsibility is to tell her before someone else does. You can be sympathetic and gentle but you do not need to be apologetic in anyway. If it comes down to it, you may have to distance yourself from your sister a little if her negativity becomes too hard for you to deal with. Be honest, but be kind when speaking with her. Being unable to conceive is a difficult, stressful thing for people. It is not your fault, but she probably needs to vent and you are a likely target because she trusts you and knows that you will always love her.

Answer 4

First of all, congratulations on your second child. I'm truly sorry your sister can't get pregnant, but that's not your fault, nor should you feel any guilt about it. She needs to know that you care so much about her feelings and how much you want her to be happy to have another niece/nephew. If she gets mad then she just gets mad, you have no control over that. Tell her that she has to realize that her negativity upsets you and that's not good for either you or the baby. The only way to deal with it is to be completely honest with her. Good luck and stay well.

Answer 5

Ask her to be the godmother, tell her you want her to be like a second mom to this child. Tell her that you want her to be happy for you, but you also want her to be involved. In everything. Even the color of the nursery and stuff. If she feels like a part of the birth and life of the baby, then she may feel better about the whole thing.
If she still gets mad, just tell her that you don't want to be around her if she is going to be negative all the time. Tell her you are sorry she can't get pregnant, but that God must have a plan for her. Tell her you are there for her to talk to if she needs a friend, but not if she is going to ***** and moan.
Make sure she knows you love her and are there for her.

Answer 6

It sounds like your sister is just bitter because she cannot get pregnant. Unfortunately there is not much you can do about her negativity, it is definitely not your fault she cannot have children. Maybe now that she is adopting a baby she will feel a little better and be happy for you. She might even get lucky and become pregnant after she adopts, seems to happen alot, since the person becomes less stressed about becoming pregnant.
Good luck

Answer 7

Well, I was sort of in the same situation as you, but I was the one who was trying to get pregnant for several years. I wasn't really as bad as your sister, but I have friends who are. It's just really hard to cope with infertility. I always understood that I couldn't help it that it was more difficult for me to conceive just like you can't help it that it's easier for you. You have to be straight up with your sister. She's been through an emotional roller coaster. She'll be more hurt finding out that you're pregnant from someone else in the family or noticing your little baby bump. You both need to be supportive of each other. Who knows, maybe her reaction might be different this time. I have a friend who is going through fertility treatments and I was afraid to tell her that I finally got pregnant, but when I did, she was really happy for me even though she confessed that she was really upset when she found out that her cousin who has 2 daughters was expecting her 3rd. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel and that it hurts when she's so negative. Seriously, you both need to realize that neither of you can help the way your bodies are.

Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 8

First she really needs to understand she is doing this to her self and she or the situation will not get better until she cuts her attitude out. Everything happens for a reason. Obviously there is a child out there who really needs her and her husband or she would have had a baby of her own. Sometimes when adoption goes through woman become pregnant. I would wait until you are around lots of family to tell her and just say your daughter is going to be a big sister. If she is not happy that is her problem not yours! Don't make it your problem focus on your life. Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 9

She is really jealous and maybe she has a good reason! You have a good marriage and a beautiful little girl already! Hopefully the fact she is in the adoption period it will help - but then beware she will compare everything! I had to tell a friend who just lost a baby they tried and tried for that I was suprisingly pregnant (6 months when I found out!) with my 3rd baby. It was so hard and I know she is having a hard time with it but I know she is happy for us.
Just tell her - it would be better than her finding out after the baby's arrival or from someone else! And just DON'T deal with her negativity - its not good for you or your baby!
Good luck!

Answer 10

First, tell her that you're pregnant and be happy about it. Next, when she starts criticizing or being negative, change the subject to the weather. Say something like "Isn't it sunny outside?" or something equally inane. You could also simply tell her that you know that she's sad about not being able to have her own child and your heart aches for her but you will no longer tolerate her negativity and criticism. When she starts, walk away or hang up the phone.

I am like your sister in that I want to have a baby and haven't been able to and I can assure you that it hurts like hell to hear about someone else being able to get pregnant so easily. I do not take my heartache out on the joyful mothers to be or anyone else - I express my grief privately. I wish you both much future joy.