im almost 4 months pregnant. My babys father tends to drive me crazy and sends me in emotional circles. I met him only 6 months ago, and since day one he had my heart, the only problems are...he has lied to me in the past he has cheated on me. He has multiple promises he has yet to keep. So in love but its so hard to trust him, but at the same time i cant see myself without him,this is my first child. He tells me that things are going to get better but ive yet to see a rapid change. He doesnt really do too much to get my trust back. Im driving myself crazy having a hard time trying to trust him because of all the pain he has cause me, plus being pregnant my hormones are all out of wack. How many chances should i give him to treat me right before i leave? He wants me to stick around and be there for him, he said thats what a good woman would do. So my question is...after broken promise after broken promise should i leave him or should i stick around and try to make things better?
2007-01-03 04:54:38 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are screwed. You should have had an abortion. You are delusional if you think your boyfriend or whatever, sperm donor, is going to stick around. He has cheated, lied, and done everything to let you know that his word is no good. Why would you be in love with such a person? Why would you be willing to have this person's child? It may come as a shock to you, but people lie. People make promises that they never intend on keeping. You need to start paying attention to what he DOES, not what he SAYS.
Having the kid is not going to make him more committed to you or more committed to keeping his word. If you are OK with him lying and cheating throughout the rest of your life, then stay. Things will not change. Things will not get better. How the hell is it that you didn't see this? You're going to be another government statistic; single mom on welfare.
Here's an idea. Why don't you get married to the man before you start popping out his kids? Novel concept, I know. It's worked for thousands of years. It should work for you.
2007-01-03 05:04:42 · answer #1 · answered by Sax M 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm in your boat too, in a sense. I'm four months pregnant as well and my BF was going nowhere. This is my first child as well but we have known each other a bit longer. I told my BF he had until the New Year to straighten up, get a full time job and start supporting me emotionally as much as I have him over the time we have known each other. I'd like to say things will get better because they did for me but honestly I doubt they will. My man finally got a job and is stepping up to his responsiblity but he's also 33. You sound a bit younger. And, honestly should have left him a long time ago. The fact that he said you need to be there for him, a good woman would? A good man would not cheat, would support his GF, wife, whatever and child without question. If my BF had ever cheated I would definitely have left. Get out while you can, the baby will add stress and he'll bail in the end. Broken promises, cheating, not supporting you emotionally during this VERY trying time shows his true character. Single is scary but possible and you'll find after a rough patch that you did the right thing. I wish you and your baby the best.
2007-01-03 05:02:36 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, so far he is only the biological Father of your child, and nothing can change that. However, he is not yet the Daddy. A Daddy is one of the most important people in a child's life. You need to talk to your baby's father about what role he will play in your baby's life. What role will he play in your child's life?
Hormones have nothing to do with the facts you have presented: this man is a cheater, liar, and emotionally damaging to you. That doesn't necessarily mean he will be a bad Dad, and at the same time he doesn't really sound like Daddy material. Ask him point blank what role he wants to play in the child's life, and if he really wants to be a Daddy, call your county offices and find out what sort of parenting classes you can take together. Another thing: he said that "a good woman" would be there for him? Find out his beliefs on: what would a good man do?
2007-01-03 05:18:03 · answer #3 · answered by AMEWzing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that sounds like a shady situation. I've been there but the girl was the shady one. A couple things to keep in mind, #1 you are pregnant and you aren't thinking clearly. #2, you're female and you aren't thinking clearly (joke) #3 A relationship without trust is like building a house in a swamp with no foundation it will fail #4 Change is never instantaneous and anyone who claims to change instantly or thinks they have changed instantly is acting or just fooling themselves. He pulled a nice scumbag move though when he said, "That's what a good woman would do." If I were you I would retort with, "And lying, cheating and breaking your promises to the woman you enpregnated is what a good man would do? Play your self righteous game with someone who might actually believe your crud." So what it all boils down to is, even if it is slow, you indicate that you are seeing change, it's just not rapid and like I have stated if you expect rapid change, your head is in the clouds. Now you have to decide if the change you see is going in the right direction and if it's worth it to you. Also make sure you are in constant communication with your man and make sure he is receptive to your "coaching" him in the right direction...be peacable about how you act and if he doesn't respond to that than I would say the answer is evident. I hope this helps
2007-01-03 05:14:03 · answer #4 · answered by J-Dub 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got yourself into a very bad situation and now you are trapped with a looser and carrying his child. Therefor your life is now on a fast track to garbagville.
You must make sure that you set some boundaries and deadlines.
Does he work? can he pay child support? what are your plans after the child is born?
Instead of multiple promises can he at least keep his dick in his pants for now? How about making sure you are healthy?
THIS IS WHAT A GOOD MAN SHOULD DO.
So make sure you demand and receive the following:
financial support
loyalty
respect
accountability
maturity.
simple. to the point. If you see that the winner you picked to be the father of your first child does not get his act together. I truly suggest you get yourself an appointment with a social worker in your area so that you can get some child support, and since It's too late to terminate the pregnancy you can consider adoption so you can cut all ties and get your life back on track. I bet your parents are real proud of you.
2007-01-03 05:05:41 · answer #5 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being pregnant makes you very sensitive to everything. It is bad for the 'baby that you're having this emotion. Try to concentrate on your pregnancy first and live with the life you formerly had before you met this guy. decide after you deliver if you will go back to him. Just because he's the father of the baby doesn't mean you have to let it experience your unhappiness once it arrives.In the span of time , observe your partner what's his contribution to ease your life during your pregnancy or does he act like ha doesn't care. If this is the case, then better forget him. And please don't make another baby until you are both sure of your feelings.
2007-01-03 05:08:09 · answer #6 · answered by mareko 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you aren't married, I don't really think you have any moral obligations to him. Just to your child. On the top of that list would be to keep yourself sane. Just because you end the relationship now does not mean you have to deprive your child of his father or that you can not work things out in the future. But I really think for now you may be better off dealing with this alone. Pregnancy is hard enough without other people in our lives adding unnecessary garbage to our troubles. What about what a good man would do? He would keep every promise possible or just not make them. Hope all ends well for you. (((HUGS))))
2007-01-03 05:08:55 · answer #7 · answered by Betsy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to be pretty young, do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to train the man? That was the key word that should have given you a hint. "be there for HIM". What about be there for you, be there for the baby? He's awful selfish, you'd do better leaving him. There are alot of men out there who would love, respect and treat you and the baby as number 1. Sorry, he sounds like a sperm donor not a loving, caring father, or husband. Not saying he doesn't have some good qualities but you need to think of you and the baby. Write down the pros and cons. Bet they'll be more cons.
2007-01-03 05:08:11 · answer #8 · answered by tyme2wakeup 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He said for you to stick around and be there for him???? You are the one that is pregnant. He is the one that is supposed to be there for you.
He has cheated and lied to you. It is pretty clear that he doesn't support you and will not be supporting the child (emotionally). I am guessing that if he is working now, he will loose his job or quit and stay home and party because you are going to let that slide. Things will not get better and no matter how many promises he has made or will make, he will not keep them for very long if at all.
If you have to ask the question, you know the right answer.
2007-01-03 05:00:03 · answer #9 · answered by Jo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A pregnancy and baby adds stress adn takes time and makes relationships hard. Do you want your baby exposed to a guy he cant trust and depend on as a regular part of his life just because you have a "love" feeling.
You need to concentrate on the baby and what is best for him. the baby didn't create the problem relationship or the pregnancy. Every baby deserves to be loved wanted adn put in first place. Don't let a strained relationship take things away from your baby.
2007-01-03 05:02:38 · answer #10 · answered by G's Random Thoughts 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋