Sorry it is so Long, So here it is. I wife and I have been married for 13 years now. We never really had a great sex life…. well 2 months this summer was great but it went as fast as it came, don’t know why. 2 kids, both have jobs you get the picture. Everything else in our relationship is going good. It is the lack of intimacy that I am not happy with. Don’t want anyone else either. I try to initiate sex and I always get the old “I’m tired” or if in the morning “I have to get up soon” Now, I have been reading a lot of stuff on line and I agree with what some of it says. Is this is just an excuse or copout if you will. I know what it is like to be tired but I always have time for my wife. Is it that her priorities are different than mine? I know you may say she really is to tired for sex but if you were to get a call from some one saying that they would take you on a shopping spree with $10,000 to spend or something along that line I am sure you would not be “to tired” to do that.
2007-01-03 03:41:07 · 21 answers · asked by Andy S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So, the real question is why do women use this excuse instead of telling the truth? And what really is the truth?
2007-01-03 03:41:23 · update #1
You make time for things that are important to you and it's just not that important to her obviously. I don't agree with womens thinking in this way though, I think if women just went ahead regardless of whether they "felt" like it or not they would soon find themselves in the mood. I also know that men "need" this as much as a woman needs a hug or a kiss so to deny it unless there is a medical reason is cruel in my eyes. I do understand your frustration & really hope it improves. Peace :-)
2007-01-03 04:12:52 · answer #1 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The truth is that she doesn't want to. And it's easy to be too tired to do something that you don't want to do. There are probably lots of reasons that she might not want to. If it's a pattern and you don't do it at least weekly then she might not like how it turns out so why bother.. and she isn't in love anymore. Same thing as too tired really. She might not have anyone else in mind, but if the right one came around it could be trouble for you! If you really are in love with her, maybe you could try to reconnect somehow romantically. You should be able to tell if she is in love with you, not just loves you. Big difference. She may always love you if you had kids especially...But she may have never been in love, you might have never been in love, or she was and isn't anymore, but you as a guy can still have sex with her. Women don't find it as easy to have sex without passion. Too much work, mess, insecurity maybe..etc...ie too tired.. Only worth it sometimes if you are in love...
2007-01-03 04:45:52 · answer #2 · answered by pineconeamanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could very well be a physical issue. When was the last time she had a check-up? There are lots of things that impact energy levels and desire for sex. Has she gained weight that would make her feel less sexy to you? Is she suffering stress at work? Money worries? Problems with the kids? Females are very different from men when it comes to being ready for sex. Our minds easily overrule what our bodies may be interested in. Talk to her about your frustrations sometime when sex is not an issue. Don't wait until late at night or when you are in the mood for sex to discuss this. It will make her feel even more pressured and she will probably shut down and refuse to talk. We all - men and women - go through stages in our lives when sex takes a back seat to other concerns. If your marriage is strong you can work through this.
2007-01-03 04:01:30 · answer #3 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask her. Do NOT do it after you try to initiate and she rejects you. In a calm setting when you are alone together. Just say, Hunny, there is something bothering me, can we talk about it? Just lay it on the line for her, GENTLY. Tell her you love her and that her rejecting you makes you feel like she does not find you attractive and ask her if there is anything you can do differently to make her more interested in sex. If you think she may have a problem (female sexual dysfunction) ask her to see a doctor and tell her you will always stick by her no matter what.
A marriage cannot last if both parties' needs are not being met. Also, you have to be able to talk to each other about these things.
2007-01-03 04:19:33 · answer #4 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are having the same issue. Except we used to have sex every day and it was really good. Now I am 5 months pregnant and he just doesn't get it that a) I have zero sex drive and b) I don't have the energy. I'm always up for sex but I don't always want to do the work (he can do the work if he wants it bad enough!). Anyway, your wife is probably not in the mood. Try to get her in the mood and when you do... spice it up a bit. Try something new. Good Luck!
2007-01-03 04:00:51 · answer #5 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe enough sex for her is not enough for you. IS it just appetite differences? If she never wants it, then i would say that she is more than "too tired", and isnt wanting to get in a fight by telling you the real reason. It may be no big deal, but try to talk to her about it and dont get mad or get all confrontational when she starts to explain the real "why". The other post was right, sex is more about what happens out of the bedroom. good luck.
2007-01-03 04:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you know sometimes after being married for a while it just gets boring...why dont you guys do this
* Go to a bar seperatly and then you go up and try to talk to her using your best line (vice versa) then after that go and get a room at a hotel and then make the night memorable
* Role playing
* Have a date night every week
* Cook her dinner and put rose petals in a bathtub full of water with candles.
Do things like that and if she still turns you down then it might be somthing more serious..
I hope that helps you out..and dont get discouraged sometimes you have to switch stuff up a bit after being married for a while...My husband and I have to do that and weve only been together for 4 yrs married for 5 months...its fun and I bet it will help a lot
2007-01-03 05:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by Pretty Princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth is, the thrill is gone. She loves you, the kids, your life together, but sexually, it is just no longer there. When she says she is tired, she is. Tired of the same old motions, doing it in the same place etc. She needs to be made feel special, sexy. She needs to be excited! You mention shopping. Shopping IS exciting, you get something new, not the same old jeans you have had for 13 years. I am not saying she wants a new man, she just wants to feel excited. To feel like a woman, not a wife, not a mother, but a sexy, vital woman.
2007-01-03 04:44:07 · answer #8 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is bored.....
and two kids will wear you out.
She probably really is "tired". Those two months in the summer were you on vacation? Try to recreate that time. Remember what made it special and do it again. Get her some help with the kids and take her out somewhere nice. Give her a non-sexual body massage and loosen her up. Be romantic.
Its very nice to see a man actually trying to fix this instead of slipping out to get it somewhere else!
2007-01-03 04:17:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Problems in the bedroom happen because of problems outside of the bedroom. Sex can't happen in a vacuum -- meaning you can't expect your partner to forget about all her problems so she can have sex with you.
Chances are, there is some other problem in your marriage or in her life that has resulted in this lack of intimacy. It's time to have an in-depth talk about the state of your marriage in general. I think you'll find that there's something else going on that is standing in the way of a great sex life.
2007-01-03 03:57:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jeff 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋