Right now I am feeling very neglected by my husband. Lately, he has been having alot going on his life such as working 12 hrs a day, running back and forth to the courts about his kids, etc. By the end of the day he has no energy at all for me or my kids. All he wants to do is take a shower, eat and go to sleep. Should I back off and just start doing my own thing? He doesn't talk to me much either once he gets home. When he treated me like this before I ended up nagging him and we would argue. I want to handle this differently as to get his attention back on making his marriage a priority.
2007-01-03 03:35:17 · 6 answers · asked by stella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like your husband is under a lot of stress. Maybe he needs some downtime when he gets home. I understand the fact that you need attention also, but try putting yourself in his shoes. if he's having to go to court regarding his kids, God only knows what kind of stress that puts on him. Maybe try talking to him and ask him how you can help him. Remind him that you are a team and you're there to help him and support him. And at the same time, also give him a little space and maybe concentrate on doing something you enjoy doing. Take up a sewing/cooking/etc. class or join a gym or take up a hobby. Do something you enjoy that will keep you distracted and busy. Some men tend to withdraw when they're going through hard times so don't take it personal. Also try doing a weekend getaway for just both of you. Where you can shut the world and its problems away and you just enjoy each other's company. If you can't afford going away, then maybe get a babysitter for your kids and stay home alone with your husband. Convert your home into a romantic bed and breakfast place for that weekend. Just think that this current situation will not last forever and hopefully soon, he'll be back to his usual self. In the meantime, love him, respect him and support him as much as you can.
I would also look into a family counselor just to help you understand what he's facing and help him understand how to cope with his situation without neglecting his wife. Good luck!
2007-01-03 03:53:21 · answer #1 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set a time limit yourself on how long you will allow this to continue. If your dealine isn't met, then I'd have a long talk with him about his priorities.
IF he is in court about his kids, then he is taking care of his priorities, rather you want to believe that or not. They did come first and his responsbilities do come to them first in court of law or what ever. You entered this marriage knowing about all of this in his past, and once a woman does this, she has to be storng enough to stand in the background and learn to be second to the children and maybe 3rd to his job.
IF he can't find time for his new family, then try finding a new hobby or joining clubs or what ever and try and live your own life if he's too busy for you right now. Let all the court stuff get behind you and take it from there.
2007-01-03 11:45:21 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would agree that you need to read the book "Men are from..." but my big question is this..
Why the heck didn't you think about what the baggage you both brought to the marrage would do, BEFORE you said "I Do"- accept everything that is going to happen.
Why is he working 12 hours a day? Is he trying to provide for you and ALL the children?
Was he not having to work 12 hour days when you were just dating? Was he not having to support 2 families?
Sounds like a tough row to hoe....
2007-01-03 11:46:10 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would back off and give him some space, he's very stressed with the current issues and also he's working hard. Just be there for him now for emotional support and once the other issues are resolved, he will be ready for some relaxation. Try to plan a week getaway with him to a place you both want to go to.It will also give him something to look forward to.
2007-01-03 12:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey if marriage was a priority for this man he would not be in court all the time. Sounds to me like he is leading a double life and neglecting both of them
2007-01-03 11:40:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
i would back off for a while. read the book "men are from mars, women are from venus". im 21 but was having bf issues, so my mom reccomended the book and it made me feel better. if it goes on for u too long, maybe you guys should look at getting some counseling
2007-01-03 11:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋