my ex keeps calling and asking for me and our 2 kids to hang out with him and his g.f and her new baby....?

Question

The baby is not his. A little background. He has supervised visits due to his alcoholism and abuse/neglect issues he had with our girls when they were in his care. I offer to supervise his visits, as well as his mom or sisters, but my youngest hates hanging out with his new g/f and her son when they are with her dad. The g/f works at walmart and anytime alice sees her there she is very happy and even seeks her out. The g/f hates me, for whatever reason and the atmosphere is tense to say the least when we are all together. Which is probably why alice dislikes it so much.

I don;t want to subject my child to spending time with people she doesn;t want to. When her dad is on his own and comes to visit or when we go to his place to visit and he is alone my daughter is fine and very happy to see her dad, as long as i am there with her. How can I make him understand that his visitation is for him alone, when i am the one supervising.

he has a list of expectations he needs to complete before he can get unsupervised time with his girls, after almost a year and a half he has yet to complete anything on it, and just recently has started calling more often. it used to be once or twice a month for a few minutes.

the g/f does dislike me, but I am very respectful to her when I am in a situation that involves both of us, for the sake of my kids, and because I feel nothing really but pity for her. She tends to ignore or make snide comments to me in front of my children, which I find unacceptable.

i have tried the make friends with the g/f rout...it didn;t work, and I am not willing to continue running my head into a brick wall over it. That was my first thought though!

Answer 1

Under no circumstances should you subject your children to that environment or father (who has major issues) any longer than you absolutely have to. I have 4 boys and there is no way that if my ex were like yours, that I would let them go over any more than court ordered. As far as how to explain to him the visits are for him only, just come right out and say it. The first few times of letting him know exactly what the deal is, is very hard. After a few times it gets easier to maintain your control in this situation. You have to realize your the only protection those kids have. The courts can only do so much. Also there should be a designated place for him to see his child and that doesn't include hanging out with current girlfriends. If there's not a designated place maybe you should file to obtain a mutual place where he can come to see the kids. That would take pressure off of you having to explain not hanging out. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

I think it is time to set a limit here. That is to not allow the girlfriend in on the visits anymore and here is why. It concerns me that she is making snide comments about you in front of the children. (She can make them all she wants as long as she is not in their presence.) Making snide comments about you not only undermines your parenting but also alienates you from your children. If she insists or dad insists, remember that you are the custodial parent and most of dad's rights have been stripped away because of his alcoholism. You are the one that needs to protect your children, he has been proven unable to.

I would simply set a very firm limit that you will not allow him to see the children when she is there. This is not about withholding visits; this is not about keeping the children from their father; this is about protecting your children from harm.

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Answer 3

If he was orderded through the court to take kare of the isues you mentioned here then you should bring this to the courts attention. If the visits make the children uneasey try going to a nutral place not his or not his set it up when she is at work as to take her out of the picture. Also I live in a small toun we have a wallmart but 5 miles there is another try going to a different wallmart as to avoid running into the gf.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do for your children, is to become frinds with the girlfriend, and let her confide with you, about the kids, and dad. your ex already open the doors for this, and this too can be your tool of keeping the kids safe, and having a new friend, that you both have in common the same man that you both fell in love with.
I am part of a blended family, and being stepmom, was difficult at first, but when friendship came, and I offered the friendship, neither of us felt threatened about anything,and she came through for me, when my baby died, she may the way of having and supporting the kids to travel for the weekend and the funeral arranements.
So you see, making this dinner, and making friendship with this woman may be benfit for your children, to have someone else to trust, if they all of suddenly felt afraid of dad and his drinking.
Best of Luck