and she says that, unless you are physically ill or unable, you should never deny your partner's affections.
When she elaborated she said that even if you are not in the mood for sex but your partner wants it you should do it anyway because you'll be happy you went through with it.
Granted, everyone's sex drive is different and each couple's sexual relationship is unique, but how realistic is this idea?
I would imagine giving in to sex when you're not in the mood would only lead to resentment. How about the other partner respecting that you might just need some space or you're simply flat not in the mood?
2007-01-03 03:04:16 · 22 answers · asked by mamabunny 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! Some of you responded as if I had said to purposely withold sex and I didn't at all.
FACT: she said "NEVER deny".
2007-01-03 05:47:31 · update #1
I think Dr. Laura's a quack, personally. I once heard her call a young girl a slut....whether her lifestyle was wrong or not, it was horribly tactless and unprofessional.
My husband and I don't have sex when we're not in the mood, because of course it would lead to resentment if I felt forced! But that doesn't stop my hubby from giving me a backmassage, making me a cup of tea, or other things to get me "in the mood"....and if that doesn't work, then he knows I'm really not up for it and with good-humor, backs off.....our marriage is the better for it.
2007-01-03 03:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by Suzu1980 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Dr. Laura's advice is often suspect. HOWEVER you should really examine why you would wish to deny your partner's affection in the first place. A sound marriage relies on intimacy and affection. The best method of sharing that is with your sexuality. Granted if the sum total of your experience is Wham Bam Thank You Mam then there is not much affection. But to deny more than accept is a recipe for failure.
The point at which sharing sexuality with your mate becomes resentful, your marriage is on the rocks anyway.
Respecting your space or I'm not in the mood are excuses for trying to maintain your distance. That's not a sound basis for a continued partnership. Normally I do not agree with Dr. Laura but in this case I can agree with her conclusion if not her reasoning.
2007-01-03 11:17:08 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dr. Shclesinger is a nut case! She is so out of touch with reality and claims to be a Dr. but has no degree. She has been divorced but puts others down for divorce. Enough about her and back to your question. Sometimes when we don't feel like having sex, tired or just emotionally drained, once sex is initiated we get revved up. But sometimes it doesn't work that way and yes, you are right, it just makes you build resentment that your partner doesn't respect your wishes. The advise is yours take it or leave it....good luck! But seriously, Schlesinger is a nut case!
2007-01-03 11:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by stacey h 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Definitely leads to resentment. Done that and it did. I certainly dont expect him to give in to every whim or desire I may have. I listen to Dr. Laura and some of her advice makes sense, but I think on this she makes the assumption that the "sex requestor" is NOT a selfish partner. She has said in her books that her advice only works if you marry a decent guy which I think is an important disclaimer ( I have tried her advice in the past and it did NOT work, it only made him greedier ). I wouldnt want sex from someone I had to convince or who was doing it just to please me. Dr. Laura needs to get real.
2007-01-03 13:30:22 · answer #4 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is realistic. Unless you are REALLY tired, most people manage to get in the mood even if they weren't in the first place. Saying no once in a while is OK but it should be used infrequently. And for crying out loud if your hubby wants it and you won't give it to him - let him jerk off!!! Don't guilt him for that....
I can tell you from personal experience (going back a few years, not now) that when a guy is turned down 20 nights in a row no matter what he just stops trying. THAT leads to resentment.
2007-01-03 11:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Dr Laura and I don't see eye to eye very much, but I think she is on the right track with this advise.
What is so bad about sex that you need to be in the "mood" for it. How long would a person stay out of the "mood" once their pleasure zone were stimulated? You make sex sound like its a negative.
I guess, if you wanted to refuse to be pleasured, for whatever the reasons, you could make yourself quite misserable while being pleasured... or maybe you just don't what to exert yourself to give mutual pleasure to your partner... but then maybe your notion/attitudes about sex don't match your partners, if so, what are you doing married to that person. By marrying them you've locked them into to only being able to experience sex with you, so you've kind of trapped them in sexual frustration if you won't play along....
get over yourself and have fun having sex with your partner... if not, set them free.
2007-01-03 11:20:17 · answer #6 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you take the marriage commitment literally, when you marry you have committed you life and body to the person you married. If you believe what the bible says, it tells husbands and wives that their body no longer belongs to them, but it now belongs to their spouse. This means that if your spouse has needs, you do everything in your power to take care of those needs. On the other side of the coin, the partner will not expect sex regardless of how the other feels. there needs to be a mutual respect just like with everything else. To an extent, she is right, biblically.
2007-01-03 11:11:06 · answer #7 · answered by PDH 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't like that Laura Schlesinger at all and find her annoying and condescending. But, I do believe in not turning down your partner for sex. I may not want to when he wants it, but I'm always glad I did. It makes us closer too. It makes it safe for either of us to initiate sexual activity because we know we won't be turned down.
2007-01-03 11:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by Dovie 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Dr. Laura is a neo-con moron. This woman can't even decide what religion she is flip flopping back and forth between Christianity and Judaism. What makes her an authority on marriage? If she took her own advice, she'd quit her show, stop writing and stay home with her legs spread open while baking cookies. She's an idiot. And yes, giving in constantly will only lead to resentment.
2007-01-03 11:12:32 · answer #9 · answered by Lilith 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I give in to my husband when I'm not in the mood. He's happy and I'm no the worse off. I wouldn't do it every single time though. Just on occasion. I can usually compromise into some snuggle time. But sometimes I just don't want to be touched and he respects that. It can't be all give on just one person's side. That would make it unfair. Someone gets all they want and the other has to sacrifice all the time. That's stupid.
2007-01-03 11:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by redrum42482 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋