I love my Mom but I am in love with my girlfriend. My Mom doesn't like the fact that I am gay, and my girlfriend is a really great person. My Mom didn't invite her over for Christmas, and refuses to get to know her. My girlfriend and I live together, and are very happy, and thinking about kids, but my Mom is making it difficult. My girlfriend has tried gettting along with my Mom, but my Mom just refuses to get to know her at all. She tells me I am only allowed over without my girlfriend, and she's not invited to any of the family get togethers, or holidays. I want to spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend, I have never felt this kind of connection before, but what do I do about my Mom who doesn't accept me for who I am? She has nothing nice to say about my girlfriend, wont get to know her, and my girlfriend answered my phone and got yelled at once. What do I do? I'm in love.
2007-01-03 02:57:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't worry too much about Mom. She is making things hard on you, but she just isn't ready to accept the fact that you love a woman. Give her time and she'll come around. She thinks this is all a phase and that in a year your gf will be gone and you'll be looking for a man. When you prove her wrong by staying together, then you can start pressuring her to accept you as you are by skipping functions your girlfriend can't go to (do get home for Christmas if you can though).
If she realizes that she has to deal with you as you are or lose you, she'll probably keep you and start to accept your girlfreind. Convince her this isn't rebellion, a phase, something you are trying out, and that your girlfriend isn't some monster corrupting her daughter, and she'll realize that she has to accept you or lose you. Just don't force her to decide too early--look at things from her shoes the best you can, but do what is right for you.
2007-01-03 03:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult place to be in - I wish there were an easy answer to this problem. Perhaps another family member can talk to your mother for you to see if there is any chance of acceptance on the horizon.
Do you know if her objection is based in religion or a personal bias? Please do not break contact from your mother but make it clear to her that you want her to accept you and your partner. Perhaps she's worried about your future happiness - lots of people think gays/lesbians have no chance for happiness.
If you can find someone to feel her out for you, you'll have a better prospective to approach her with and will have avoided a possible fight.
She's probably in denial right now and may come around later.
Good luck and much happiness.
2007-01-03 03:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by txkathidy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been together, If you haven't been together long then maybe your Mom just needs time to get used to the idea. If you have been together for a while and don't think your mom needs time to adjust and is always going to be this way then I think your mom is the one with the issue. You can start having family functions at your house and if your mom doesn't come then that is her business. And if other relatives invite you to family functions and invite your girlfriend then go, but if you are invited to come only without her then I would politely decline saying if you can't accept my girlfriend then you can't accept me..
2007-01-03 03:03:48 · answer #3 · answered by rckchkhwk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello =)
Well,
While one always owes a debt of compassion to one's mother, your mother is not acting like a mother....she's acting like a typical homophobic fool.
My suggestion..
Tell mom that you two are a package deal, your girlfriend is not going anywhere, so she may as well accept it. You won't come to her house, unless your girlfriend is invited as well. If she is rude, then the two of you will simply leave. You need to stand up for your spouse (girlfriend) in this case, and put her feelings first.
If you don't think that you can do that, you probably don't deserve her. If this all works out the way I think it will, over time, your mother will recognize that your girlfriend has qualities that are worthwhile. As it stands now, however, all she is thinking about her is that "she made you a lesbian".....
You have to change her mind about that.......
Namaste,
--Tom
2007-01-03 03:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to hear that your mum is not accepting that you love your girlfriend. I have a friend who is gay and the same thing happened with him, but his family disowned him when they found out about it.
Years have passed and he has met someone new and his family has accepted this but it took a long time. It may be that it will take you mum some time to adjust to your sexulality but dont give up on her, try and sit her down and explain how you feel. Tell your mum you love her but you want to be happy and your new friend is the person that makes you happy. If she dosent listen then you just need to try and be an adult and accept her feelings.
2007-01-03 03:03:52 · answer #5 · answered by gillian r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult situation to be in, but kudos to you for standing up and staying with your girlfriend. My best advice would be to tell your mom that you expect acceptance from her. Either you're welcome to attend functions with your girlfriend, or you won't attend at all. You can spend that time starting a new tradition with the person you want to be with. I'd also tell your mom that if she can't be polite when she calls your house, then she shouldn't call at all. This approach will either force her into trying to make amends because she loves you and wants you at functions, or you'll find that her bigotry is more important to her. I hope all the best for you, and stay strong. Love is love, no matter what.
2007-01-03 03:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by Andi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mom needs to realise that she can't change who you are and she just needs to accept your choices in life and if she is unsupportive she'll lose you as a daughter. she can shun your gf all she wants but it's not going to change the fact that you are gay and even if you weren't going out with her you'd be going out with some other girl that she would treat the same. it sounds like your gf hasn't done anything to your mom to make her not like her except for the fact that she's dating her daughter so keep in mind that your mom won't be happy with any girl you bring home and you need to do what makes you happy whether she's happy for you or not because it's not like you're going to date a man to make your mom happy while you're miserable.
i am in a similar situation with the guy i'm with and my mom. she doesn't like him because of the religeon he was brought up with even though he doesn't practice anymore she is convinced that he is secretly still practicing and trying to convert me. she made a big deal of this at christmas time which resulted in us not going to her house for christmas dinner. i don't care what my mom thinks or says i love my boyfriend and he has been there for me then my whole family has been against me and he is the reason why i'm not depressed anymore.
i also know what it's like to make an effort towards an "in-law to be" and have them hate you when you haven't done anything to them. my boyfriend's ex has tried since day one to poison her against me and it has worked. good thing their religion doesn't celebrate holidays so i don't need to worry about being invited or not being invited to family get togethers because there aren't any!
2007-01-03 03:42:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your Mom that if you can't be nice to my girlfriend and get to know her as a person, then you won't be seeing me anytime soon. Maybe she will soon understand that seeing you with your girlfriend is better than not seeing you at all.
2007-01-03 03:30:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your private life, private. Visit your mom occasionally, alone. She may, in time, learn to accept your girlfiriend, or maybe she won't. But your mom, is your mom, so continue to visit her and speak with her on the phone, unless it becomes to much for you to handle. If so, what makes you happy, will have to be your main priority.
2007-01-03 03:02:29 · answer #9 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can either sit down with ur mum tell her how much her behaviour effects you.
Or just ignore it.
The only other option is to stop going yourself the odd occasion say no say ur at her families and u cant make it. This will make ur mum realise over time that she has to amke the effort or you will drift further and further apart.
2007-01-03 03:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by Zoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋