My daughter who is 16, has just got back together again with her boyfriend. He is a manipulating, unemployed, substance abuser, who knows it all. He is 19!! My daughter was well aware of how I felt about this lad, and when they broke up I had a hearty chat with her and she understood all that I had to offer, and she agreed that he dictated their relationship! I came home today to find him in my house ... he had previously been banned as I have a two year old! Don't need his influences around her! So I told my daughter that he wasn't welcome here ... she has stormed off in a total rage, calling me a '*****' ... what do I do??? She is still at college and in my mind still my responsibility!! Do I call the cops ... or do I just wait? ...
2007-01-03 02:50:00 · 31 answers · asked by lynne 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Tell him to stay away or you will send the boys around :)
What you need to do is sit down with your daughter and tell her the following:
first of all, you are her mother and the language she used around you and called you names is out of order, unacceptable and will not be tollerated! You deserve respect and anything short of that will result in punishment.
Secondly, it is her home, but your house and your home, therefore for as long as she lives under the same roof as you, she will respect the conditions within the household - if the boyfriend is not allowed, that's how it stays - no ifs, no buts. Especially that you have a younger child, this issue is even more appropriate, but overall irrelevant. What mom says, stays.
Then try and reason with her in terms of reminding her what this guy was like to her before and that he will do the same again. A loser is a loser and won't change. Substances are illegal, and that makes him an a s s. Surely a nice young lady wants more out of life and does not wish to be associated with somebody like him. If anything else fails, tell her that she will learn the hard way - you as a parent (remind her!) have her best interests at heart and therefore have a responsibility. Besides, she is not 18 yet, and even if she was, the wisdom doesn't enter your head the moment you turn the magic age. It is learnt through years and years of life experience. Try to relate - 'I was 16 once too and thought I knew it all, but my parents were always right in the end and now I know when they were nagging, they only meant well' - that sort of an approach. If all fails, don't give in - tell her that if she feels she knows better than a woman with a life experience, then, dear daughter, there is the door, get a place, pay for your own rent, council tax, insurance, food, electricity, gas, see how far you end up - because that a s s of your so called boyfriend certainly won't support you. He needs money to support his addiction. Hope this helps.
2007-01-03 06:51:52 · answer #1 · answered by ribena 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that involving the cops would do any good. That would just make you look rash, as well as embarrass/anger your daughter even more. Since the two of you, at one point, seemed to agree that this boy is not good for her, well, at least you know that somewhere deep inside, she agrees. There are a few reasons why she may have decided to get back together with him. The worst case scenerio would be that he used fear, lies, or empty promises to manipulate her. But other reasons could be that she has been with him for so long that she defines herself by him, or she is afraid that she wont find anyone else and doesnt want to feel alone, rejected, and unwanted. As for the problem of this boy being in your house, i assume that your daughter knows that he is not allowed there, and that you have given her reasons. If not, you should make sure that she understands that you have your 2 year olds best interest in mind, so that she doesnt just think you are being controlling and trying to ruin her life. If she wants to see him that bad, she WILL find other places to see him, and that keeps him out of your house. As many others have said, she will eventually realize that this boy is bad news, and she will break up with him for good and possibly (although not probably) tell you that you were right. I remember being that age, and I always thought that I saw some side of my friends/boyfriends that my parents couldn't see. While this was indeed true, the case was usually that the kind, sweet side that I saw was fake and/or shortlived.
2007-01-03 09:00:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 16 year old is in college?
Anyway, it's your house, if you don't want him there, tell him he's not welcome. If he shows up anyway he's tresspasing and you certainly can call the cops. If you have proof he does drugs you could also call them about that.
You can't really make her stop seeing him, but stress to her that you don't like him and why and keep an eye open for bumps and brusies cause by "falling down the stairs" if you get my drift. Your daughter will be mad for a while, maybe a long while, but eventually, if she's lucky, he'll pull some numb stunt and she'll see through him for good. Just do you relationship with her a favor and don't say "I told you so".
2007-01-03 02:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by tabithap 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think the more you pursue this with her the more deter mind she will be to see him, ban him from the house as you have suggested although he will still be able to get in when your not there. Tell her straight all the reasons you dislike him then leave it at that. When it al falls apart she will need you to pick up the pieces, if you are at logger heads she will feel unable to approach you when this happens. Assure her you love her but will not let this boy near your baby and therefor is not allowed in the house. Unless he is physically harming your daughter do not involve the police, it's hard not to and I hope she isn't influenced by his drug taking. I think let nature run it's course and it will fizzle out, get her on the pill too and make her take in front of you! you don't want her tied to this dipstick for life because of an unplanned pregnancy. Good luck.
2007-01-03 03:12:22 · answer #4 · answered by Blackheath rugby wife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a 16 year old girl and i completely understand because i used to have a very bad relationship with my mum to the point were i did run away once, but i suggest if she does keep on running away the best thing for her would be some sort of boarding school or behaviour school if you want to take it that far, i know a few of my friends that went to boarding school because of the same reason and it helped. Also she could be having some issues behind all the rebelling, counselling/psychology helps!
2016-05-22 22:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just sit back and let her get on with it becuase from my point of view i am only 18 but the more you tell her not to be with him the more she's going to want to be with him. It will all end soon and she'll feel bad for not listening to you.
The police can't do anything, unless you state hes a regular substance abuser and get his flat raided etc and then he may get put in 2 a young offenders for a few motnhs if your that desperate to keep him away from your daugter
Hope it all goes well for you !!
2007-01-03 03:29:00 · answer #6 · answered by xxxx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would just like 2 say nothing u do or say will make ur daughter break u with this boy u need 2 support her even though u dont like this boy the more u beg at her 2 leave him the further its going 2 push her 2 him tell her u dont agree with her relationship but u dont want 2 fall out with her over it.and try and help her out she will realise this boy is good for nothing i know its hard 2 take a back seat and watch this boy control ur child but hopefully she wil become aware of this and finish with him of his own accord if u keep on at her she will think if se breaks up with him every1 is gonna say i told u so so she will b more determined 2 make things work with him i wish u all the best if u want 2 chat IM me
2007-01-03 03:07:51 · answer #7 · answered by dellyboppers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen i am 19 year old girl and trust me the more you interfere the more she is going to hate you and become out of control. my parents tried keeping my boyfriend away from me at 16 and i got pregnant as a way to get back at them. they put a restraining order on him for 2 years.(which got off after he went to jail for having sex with me because i was 15 and he was 17) but here i am today with the same guy and we have a second child on the way. but if she really feels she loves the guy there isnt much you can do. she will find one way or another to be with him. and only hurt herself more by getting into trouble. just set some rules. as much as you hate the guy or whatever if you work with her and okay her being with him then maybe on her own she will decide hes not for her. but if you dont want them to be together she will stay with him just to get back at you. getting the cops involved will not make her understand how he is. thats all i can say. teens now days will do anything to get their way understand that. you may not think she is seeing him or talking to him but behind your back in ways you wont ever think of i bet she is.
2007-01-03 04:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by malibu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is such a loser then you need to get to him. I dont think the cops will do this for you. You need an uncle or brother to sort out the slimey git!!! You will be speaking to your daughter until you are blue in teh face an the worst thing is she could ccompletely rebel and leave home with the creep so dont attack her.
2007-01-03 02:54:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's 16, you're still in charge. Kick him out, and if he shows up again, get the police involved. and if she won't keep away from her, or tries a stunt like running away, put out a police report so that she has to stay away from him, and at home with you. She may hate you for a while, but try pointing out that she realized all of his problems before... what happened?
2007-01-03 06:14:34 · answer #10 · answered by ranchgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋