My husbands long lost son has just turned up after 15 year?

Question

Can anyone give me advice on the situation?
He has arrived at my husbands mum house today out of the blue. My husband has arranged to meet him there at tea-time but what the hell does he say to him - what can I say to support my husband. He hasn't seen him since he was 5 yr old and is now 20!I Advice please

Answer 1

The lad is obviously interested in his roots. He just wants to know his 'dad'. Approach it as if meeting a new friend. Keep it light and open, let the boy ask his questions and openly answer honestly but with a caring attitude. This boy is curious, which is natural - remember he has only ever heard one side of the story.

Ask what he does for a living, ask about his mum, ask if he is married, has any children, where he goes for holidays, at weekends, does he go gym, football, darts, etc. but most importantly for your husband - tell him not to run the mother down, don't be negative about anything.

Answer 2

IThere's not much advice i can give really. Be prepared for this guy to be angry or have mixed emotions about the situation (especially if it was your husband's decision to break off contact, but even if he didn't, the son might still be angry his father didn't do more to see him). He will just have to listen to what his son has to say. Your husband just has to understand this guy is going through a very difficult time, and take his lead in how he acts from what his son says. Try not to make him feel rejected, it would take a lot of courage to find your father if you haven't seen him for so long. Take an interest in what he's up too. First meeting are always tough and i hope you all get through this.

Answer 3

I don't think it will be about what your husband can say, but rather what your husband can ask.

Since you used the words "mum" & "tea-time" I assume you are British. If I were meeting my father for the first time I would hope for some emotion, but since you are British I understand that might not be acceptable. I think the best way to start things off would be with your husband saying "I have many questions I want to ask, but I imagine you have just as many for me."

If the son asks why he hasn't tried to see his son in 15 years he should be honest with that he was "stupid, lazy, proud and stubborn" and that he hope his son didn't inhertit those qualities from him.

Beyond that they should get to know each other and find out what has been happening these past 15 years.

Answer 4

Well this was always going to happen sooner or later. All you can do is support your husband and accept that his son may well be around for the rest of your lives.
Dad needs to make friends with son and be there for him from now on. What went on in the past will allways be tainted by one side or the other so best left in past. Look forward only, take it slowly find common ground such as football make arrangments to meet again, then try to get routine going. If all goes well they should be able to bond again. If not then at least and effort was made.

Answer 5

Make sure your husband knows that you support him through all that has happened. This is an emotional time not only for the both of you, but for the son as well. Not knowing the exact circumstances relating to why the son is now wanting to meet his father, I cannot really tell you what your husband should say to his son. But please make sure he doesn't make harsh comments or judgments towards the boy. To judge someone you don't necessarily know all that well is not a good way to start a healthy, new relationship. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I think this is "beautiful"!!

Words may not come easy at first for your husband, but hopefully is the son sought him out, he has many questions and he'll be the one getting the conversations rolling.

It sounds to me that the son is in need of some long lost love and hopefully your husband will beable to fullfill the son's wish for this. And you as well!!

Take things one step at a time. There may be reasons for the son seeking out his father, that he doesn't devulge right away, so have patients, love and understanding!

Open your hearts.

Answer 7

it will be nice for them to see each other again. Your husband should take as a compliment and put in an effort to patch things up with his son no matter how long it is since he's seen him. after all the son made an effort to find him and didn't give up! just be friendly around the son and husband and encourage your husband to get to know his son.

Answer 8

This is something your husband needs to work out with himself. There's nothing you can say. I dont know the circumstances, but 15 years is a long time to be away from your son. I think this is a mistake your husband has to face alone.

Answer 9

An analysis of answers before this - is that this matter is emotional and needs careful consideration by both you and your husband. Like they said, he should be honest in dealing with it - you too must be honest. It might be that the poor son is not intending to interfere in your lives but to connect with his father. For some people remaining in touch with your blood relatives is very important. On the one hand he might be coming now because he has a mountain of problems. This normally creates tensions within families. I would advise that you take it cool and assess the rationale behind this contact. Never be prejudiced - that's good for your heart's health and peace of mind.

Answer 10

You don't have to say anything. Just be supportive and be by his side. Let your husband handle things. I am sure they will find things to talk about. There is a lot of history to catch up on. You husband just needs your support and love, no matter how the meeting goes. Your actions will speak louder than any words you could speak.