How does one learn to love oneself again?

Question

Can't really remember ever being really happy, but the last 20 years have been hell and it's at it's worst now.There are so many things that have gone wrong they are too long to list. I know I'm sounding sorry for myself which is something I don't often do, I'm a pretty tough old cow really ,and normally just get on with it, but I'm getting really tired of it, nothing good ever seems to happen.
Yes,I'm alive and I know I should be very grateful, but if you are really unhappy whilst being alive,is there really any point in carrying on.

I'm,60 now,people say I look good for my age, that's because I work hard at conceiling the bad bits,but everything is taking it's toll,and I'm drinking too much, eating too much,and loosing interest in everything really.Not enough money coming in,debt up to my eyeballs,family problems,health problems,I've lost everything I worked for all my life,by trusting the wrong people,and I'm too old to start trying to get it back,I'm depressed,and bitter.

Getting very angry with people in generall,I'm trying so hard,and things seems to go to others so easily.
Being poor and getting older without the opportunities of being able to make things better is really getting to me and showing in general, it's changing me as a person.I hate being like this, because I'm a good person really.
The more weight I put on,the more I eat,the more debt I get into,the more I want to spend, it's a viscious circle, just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.I could have really hurt someone yesturday, when I was given a parking ticket, I was so angry, just the thought of trying to find another £40.OO.
Anyone out there feel just as frustrated with life?

I have read all your answers and it's been extremely difficult to choose a best answer as you have all been so caring.
I really appreciate everything you have all said.Thanks.

Answer 1

Don't conceal what you believe are the "ugly bits" express them, they are your liefs story, the good and bad, they are your character, at 60 you shouldn't hide who you are, you should express who you are, and be proud of it.

Is there something the puts a twinkle in your eye? An interest, a hobby, a dream, something you always wanted to do? Follow your heart. I don't know your situation, nor attachments, but if you always wanted to see the world,......whats stopping you. People tend to set goals to achieve throughout their life, and when they have completed them, or lose sight of them, they feel they have nothing to strive for...........find a goal, something you want, and head toward that.

And last but not least, if there is nothing that does put a twinkle in your eye, donate some time at a children's hospital, shelter or homeless shelter. Doing good to others will light a spark of life, and give you a sense of joy.

Edit~
this is an answer to one of your other questions.
Try secret shoppers
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Answer 2

It's time to stop being bitter. Maybe you're angry at people who you've put trust in from the past who let you down. It's time to stop being angry if that is the case. It's time to stop hating.

Pursue your interests. Try an evening college course or something along those lines.

You're not too old, it's never too late. Debt is crap but with some financial advice you can get that sorted. Try and sort your family problems out, forget any bitterness.

Really think about what it is you want now and be positive in achieving it. Sorting family problems out, getting rid of debt, everything. You want to turn the corner now and you can get there. You know what you want and it's time to act. You've done the most important thing in realising that you're not happy with your current situation.

Be positive in your approach and you will receive positivity. It's never too late.

Answer 3

My parents are of the same age and dealing with the same questions. It seems that even when there are a few positives it's human nature to look at the negatives because they shout louder.

There's a good proverb: When one door closes another opens, but the problem is we spend too much time staring at the closed door.

You need to deal with each negative one at a time. Create the list in order of priority. You'll solve one - and you will move to another - and each time you do this it will become easier as the weight is lifted.

Looking at the list - they are all 'soluble'! You're still very young. And judging by the intelligence of your question and, what is ultimately (I feel) a truly caring, loving and beautiful person - it will be easier for you than most!

Remember - solve one problem at a time!!! And look forward to the results!

My best wishes. xxx

Answer 4

Yes, sometimes life can be very frustraiting. I am 65. There are days that I feel old and days that I feel young. it's all in the attitude. I have a strong relationship with God. When I am down, I read His love letter to me. The Bible. He tells me how much he loves me and that His Son, Jesus, died for me. You are just as special and important and loved as anyone else. My main source of help besides Jesus, is other Christians. Have you thought of joining a group of others who probably are going through the same problems as you. We have a small group that meets at a home and studies God's Word. I can't tell you how much love and help is in these people. I am also involved in a Celebrate Recovery Group which is a church sponsered group for those with addictive problems such as over spending and over eating. God bless you.

Answer 5

I love you. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time of it, but things will get better. I was depressed for a really long time, I was on medication, cried alot, completely withdrawn from the rest of the world. I finally found the right counselor (after finally getting up the courage to kick the other one to the curb) and she helped me alot. The other thing I applied was an old AA mantra "Fake it til you make it". I started projecting an attitude of confidence and to my surprise, I saw it reflected back in the people i dealt with. It helped until I actually started feeling better. Remember when you've hit bottom, there's nowhere to go but up! Email me anytime and remember that I really do love you and I'm here for you!

Answer 6

Yes, I whole heartily agree with that statement. I think it should be fairly obvious to people (although sadly a lot of the time it's not) that love is a a majestic uniting force. By loving yourself and others you take conflict out of your life and after that, out of your world. Once your not so caught up in petty hate and all that you really open your eyes to the world and begin to appreciate it's beauty and the beauty of the people in it. I also agree with you about your view of Jesus, I see him as a great moral philosopher even though I'm not religious.

Answer 7

You are in classic depression, I know because I’ve been there. I’m in my 60’s also so listen to experience. You cannot get out of the depression you describe by yourself! You need medication and counseling before you tackle the changes necessary. You must understand that depression colors your perception and alters your better judgment.

I had been depressed for 45 years, and not knowing what normal felt like I had nothing to compare it with so I believed my secret misery WAS normal. It is not, and you are entitled to join and be part of the human race.

Any Doctor will prescribe anti-depressants for you because they work. And don’t you be ashamed in asking for help to control your life. Remember, you don’t have to win in life but you do have to try! My best wishes go out to you for success.

Answer 8

Age is just a number just try and see yourself as a teenager aspiring to become somebody important in life and also remember those hard-work you have put in during your school days and also remember a lot people loves you and those you love as well,so therefore i would please suggest you to pick up your life and start moving on again.

Answer 9

Acceptance, no matter what has happened in your life if you still have the ability to make anyone smile than my friend it is no longer about you, but it will keep you happy and make you smile as well.

Answer 10

you know your faults so work on them its hard work and a long slog there are no over night quick fixes try the forum below for working on self esteem and self worth.......

remember your a beautiful person you just need to re find yourself


http://www.uncommonforum.com/