Would you be happy with this "life"?

Question

I have been with my husband for 15 years. He drinks a lot and has a night manager job at a pub/restaurant. So he sleeps till 11am, wakes, eats and then gets showered dressed for work. Sits and watches TV till it is time to go. I sit alone every night (no car), and every single night he comes home "drunk", argumentative and slurs, then goes to bed or passes out. This is my life day in and day out. Am I wasting my time or am I expecting too much from this life of mine. I feel trapped.

Answer 1

No, you should not be happy with that kind of life. I can relay to you because I used to manage a resto before. I used to go home late every night and sometimes drunk. As a resto manager, regular customer sometimes invite you to entertain and drink with them. It is allowed and common for managers to sit with their customers for a short period of time because it is an insult for the guest if you deny them. I go home late and tired never thinking of my kids especially my wife. I wake up late in the morning w/o seeing the kids already early in school. I instead watch tv to relaxed myself. After tired watching tv, I consume my meals and go straight to work. But their is one thing with my wife that always bothers me. Everytime time I go home drunk, she's always there to assist me. She welcomes me with kiss and caress me before laying hot towels on my face, take off my shoe's and even change my cloth like 6 yr old boy. And the part that bother me most is putting his soft light feather hand on my forehead, whispering.praying for me every night. When I woke up late in the morning, she hug me and kiss me good morning. She then assist me to my favorite sofa to watch tv and she will serve my favorite snack and even sometimes massage me to relax. At lunch time, she will saute my favorite dish which I cannot help myself rushing to eat. After taking a bath, my well ironed dress is ready for me to wear for work. Before rushing to work, she will grab my dick and kiss me to say take care and goodbye. After 1 1/2 years of her nonstop thoughtfulness routine.I finally said to her, " are you satisfied", she said "no!", I said "why not", and she said, " you never hardly make love to me, you have no time for your kids, you always come home late w/ me waiting patiently. Because that 's the only bread and butter you know, do I have a choice?, do hear me complain." I said "no, I dont hear you complain". After one week, I resigned from my job and got a full time morning job. From that day, everything has changed. More time for my kids, more time to make love to my wife, and more time to pray at night and go to church every Sunday. The truth is, Im the one who is trapped, but my wife was able to release me with in that cage.

Answer 2

Try leaving him little notes telling him you miss him and your time together. At least maybe you can get a message across to him. If he just can't be a husband and try to at least make an effort to come home in a state that allows you to have a pleasant home, it might be time for you to separate and possibly divorce. If you have parents you can go stay with, you could start with that.

The job he has is going to keep him at work late and there isn't a lot you can do about that, but he could at least come home sober and treat you with respect and love. You only have one life and you can't live it in misery if you have the ability to fix it or get out of the bad situation.

God Bless and good luck.

Answer 3

i would not be happy with a life like that, BUT i, at one point was your husband. i worked in the restaurant industry and until i quit for good went thru one relationship after another because of late night drinking and all day sleeping. now i'm self employed, have a great bf and am acually very happy. when i worked as a chef i had no idea how miserable my life was and how i was taking that out on everyone around me. talk to him. he may be very unhappy as i was and doesn't even know it yet.

Answer 4

I go through this with my aunt and her husband of 9 years. He works from morning to about 5-6pm and he doesn't come home til about 9-10pm. He is a major alcoholic. When he comes home he can be nice but most of the time he is an ***!!! He used to hit her until there 3 year daughter came in and saw him beating her. Sadly she is still with him. Now my advice is this. Love is important in a marriage, but when the one you love becomes something you hate, should you stay with them and try to get them the help they need or should you leave them? It's what you really need to think about. Whether you're happy not seeing your husband and when you do you two argue!?!?

Answer 5

Have you talked to your husband about getting help with his alcohol problem? I might not think he was a potential alcoholic except that you said he comes home drunk every day.

Is he angry and argumentative only when he drinks, or is he this way without alcohol? You need to figure out which problem to work on first.

You can't change people, but you can help them overcome problems if they want to overcome them. If, on the other hands, you've tried all this and have been carrying him for years, it might be time to tell him that he should leave.

Answer 6

Happiness and satisfaction truthfully require attempt, warfare, and SACRIFICE. does not count number how long you have been married. in case you have no longer positioned an attempt into something it somewhat is in no way friendly and does not reason you happiness long term. you will in basic terms be satisfied in case you place attempt into your relationship on a daily basis, and in case you hit upon somebody who does a similar. regrettably our society is rotten with ENTITLEMENT and LAZINESS, distinctly in relationships. those are the final enemies of satisfaction and happiness. The very thought of 'luckily ever after" smacks of entitlement. In different words loads of ladies have confidence that once marriage occurs the sport is over and that they are actually entitled to love and dedication with out attempt. Marriage is neither a assure of secure practices nor does it advise you should give up working and sacrificing on your relationship a similar way you probably did in the previous marriage.

Answer 7

Happiness in life doesn't just come to you. You have to make it. Tell, him to shower and get dressed and you two go out to eat before he goes to work. If he is going to drink before he comes home, tell him to sleep on the couch, and you can already be in bed sleeping before hand, so that you can avoid any arguement. Takes some time and list the things you can do or what you would like to do to make you happy. If you always rely on someone else to make you happy, you will always be disappointed.

Answer 8

Time to get a divorce. Sounds like you are dying a slow and painful death. Get out while you can still start over. move to where there is either places to go withing walking distance or a good public transportation. You can't go on like this. its' too depressing. How did you last 15 years???

Answer 9

Give him a choice, either change jobs, or you are leaving. As long as he is getting drunk every night, nothing will ever change, so it's either the job/drinking or you.

Answer 10

No, I wouldn't be happy with that lifestyle, that is why my husband has an "ex" before his name now! It has been almost twelve years now and I avoid any man that has more that two beers a night....good luck!