Why do I have to make such a terrible choice?

Question

My mother and sister are in NC, and I am in TX. My sister says my mother's health is going downhill, and I spend a lot of time wondering and worrying. I could get on a plane and go see her now, but if I do, I won't be able to afford to go back when she passes. My sister will need me to lean on to help make funeral arrangements, and so I can't tell her that she has to do it alone. On the other hand, if I wait til she passes, then I will have missed seeing her while she's still alive.

I'm feeling so much guilt and sadness right now........it's not fair that I have to make such a choice.........

No, Gummi, she did NOT raise me and make me the person I am today. I NEVER got along with my mother, there is no love lost between us, but she IS my mother and I have respect for that.

Answer 1

YOU BETTER GO NOW. YOUR MOM WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU! YOU BETTER SEE HER FOR THE LAST TIME WHEN SHE'S NOT SO BAD. YOUR SISTER AND FAMILY WILL UNDERSTAND YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT'S MY ADVICE.

Answer 2

Don't listen to others that say you are being selfish... I totally understand your financial dilemma as well as the moral decision you have to make.

I would recommend that you go now. You will always regret your decision if you don't get to spend any time with your mother before she passes. Although it is a slightly depressing thought, is there any way that you and your sister can talk about or even make some of the funeral arrangements? (I'm not sure how serious her diagnosis is, so perhaps she's not that close to death). Sometimes simply discussing the arrangements that need to be made will help ease that process when it is time.

I would also go now because it is possible that she will pull through and live for a long time, enough time that you can replenish your funds and be present at her funeral as well, whenever that time comes.

I hope that you are comfortable with whatever decision you make. Good Luck and your mother is in my prayers.

Answer 3

Guilt is the last thing you need to feel. YOU have done nothing wrong. Sadness is something that you're allowed to feel but don't let it overtake you. Now, My advice, is GO! For two reasons. One, You DO want to see her again (alive) and you want her to be able to see YOU again (alive). The second reason is, more than likely when your mother passes away, I would hope that your family could scrape together the 250 dollars to fly you roundtrip. Honestly, God would make a way for you. Even if your mom and your sister are all the family you have. Your friends in Texas would come together for you. Just because you feel sad doesn't mean that you're alone. I'm sure that there are people who love you and would do all that they could to help when that time comes. Be encouraged.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear that you are going through this, however, think of what your mother would want. I'm sure that she would much rather see you now and have you there with her. When the day comes that she does pass, you can also contact the major airlines and see if they have any bereavement fare's which could be affordable, check out the link in my source. The most important thing, go now to be with your mom and while you are there you can work with your sister on getting arrangements started.

Answer 5

What a horrible decision to have to make! I know that there used to be some airlines that provided emergency flights at very low cost or even free in the case of a family members death or severe illness. I'm not sure how to go about finding out, but maybe call airlines and see if that is still available any longer....or the social worker at the hospital where your mom lives could help. Good luck with this. If you could perhaps get help with one of the flights....you would be able to afford the other one. I'm so sorry for you having to deal with this.

Answer 6

Go see her now or this weekend. And go back for the funeral. Money will be tight yes, but as time passes it won't matter. If you don't do both you will have to live with a lifetime of guilt. Trust me, been in your shoes. I went to see my dad, came home to work and he passed a week later. I didn't make it for the funeral and I wished I had of. It will be one of my many regrets. Though I do find solice in the fact that I did see him when it was most important to him, I still wish now that I had just put aside my work and $$ worries for his funeral.

Answer 7

Go see your Mom. You never know.
While you are there, you can help your sister make arrangements.
You didn't mention how long you would be able to stay, but you would have the comfort knowing that you were there and that your Mom had the pleasure of being with you.
Things have a way of working out. Have Faith.

Answer 8

Given such an uncomfortable choice, you need to go now, or else you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Funeral arrangements and other matters can be handled on the phone. Once your mom passes however, that's all she wrote. Go now...

Answer 9

Sorry your Mom is so ill. You have a very hard choice to make~~ Get on the phone with the airlines and find out which ones give discounts or free flights for family deaths.. Remember you will need a death certificate, when you purchase your ticket~~
Sorry to be so morbid, but you will need this information in the future~~~~

Answer 10

Life is full of hard decisions. But I think you will regret it if you don't go see your mom before she passes. Maybe your sister or other family members could help you out money-wise after your mom passes so you can be there, too. You're in my prayers.

Answer 11

ok, so i do sympathize w/ u, but lemme ask u this: if ur doing so badly in TX that u don't have enuf $$$ for a round trip flight (and btw, folks round trip can actually cost very lil more than one-way) could u not, from ur entire family raise what?.. $300 for the return flight? alternately, you might consider packing up and moving to NC if ur life in TX is that unsuccessful that u can't afford airfare. some more fundamental change in ur life is needed than what u've told us about here.