My friend's husband died 6 months ago. They had a good marriage. She is understandably devastated. I'm not sure what to say to help her and I'm worried that she is dwelling on it too much but then again, it's normal to dwell on it and not be able to think about anything else. She is very unhappy, sometimes I worry that she is suicidal. She says things to the effect that she will never be happy again. I know that I'm supposed to just let her talk and be there for her, but I can't help but say things like "you will find love again" and "you have to move forward". I feel like I'm no help at all. I feel terrible for her but I also can't stand to see her in so much pain.
2007-01-03 01:30:25 · 8 answers · asked by mkk 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just be there for her. Having gone through being widowed myself, i know how hard it is. I also know how important it is that she have stable and caring support to help her through it. There is not much you can do to help her with her pain and grief, other than being there. It's hard, but it is good that she has a friend like you. Tell her not to give up and that you care for her. The worst thing that she can feel is that she is alone.
2007-01-03 01:46:57 · answer #1 · answered by great gig in the sky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check out this site http://www.griefnet.org/
Loss is never easy but she has a great friend in you. There are links via this site which you can benefit from & also possibly suggest in a positive way. Her husband was one of a kind, telling her she will find love again she may take as disrespectful or demeaning of their relationship. Even clones would not take the place of what she had... she has to deal in her way in her timeframe. If she knows you can be a listener, a supporter, without judgement it will benefit her in the longterm. Do you have meaningful outtings & experiences together? Share a hobby or activity? Maybe even suggesting that you were thinking of getting into one but would like to share it w/ her would be opening her to new surroundings & experiences. Just dont give up on her! Having connection to others who've gone through the same thing can be comforting to some. She may need professional guidance to get through this? To put things into perspective again.
2007-01-03 09:52:56 · answer #2 · answered by Kim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's an excellent question although I reckon that there could never be any sure way of approaching the situation. My auntie lost her husband four years ago and she never really got over it but I think she really enjoys and appreciates having a sympathetic ear. You obviously can't say anything to make things seem rosey but you can be there when she needs someone to talk to or even to argue with. Time is the only healer, and the best you can do is stand by your friend and show some patience.
2007-01-03 09:37:58 · answer #3 · answered by Bart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really hard to understand how a person feels unless you have been in a situation yourself. I dealt with that when I had a miscarriage and a lot of well meaning people told me it would be fine. I was convinced it never would be. (It got better. :-) ) Maybe what would help, is instead of encouraging your friend to move on, help her by just asking her to do little things like an art show, a lunch, even a drive in the country...to let her realize that life is still moving on and ready for her when she is ready to jump back into it. Good luck....It's nice to have a friend who cares.
2007-01-03 09:35:33 · answer #4 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she doesn't need you to say you will find love again she dont want love again yet she still wants her husband she will move forward in her own time and not with you keep telling her to i know your only trying to help but the best you can do for her now is just sit and listen to her tell her she can ring any time day or night and if she needs to see if you can get her to see her doctor
2007-01-03 09:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by andrea.barrett36 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that you mean well, but to say "you will find love again" is just plain stupid. She needs to find her own way, just be there for her when she needs to talk. She will never "get over it". She will just slowly become better able to deal with it.
My stepfather died in May of 05, and my Mom is still crying but its getting better. I give her the space she needs & wants but Iam available at any time she wants to talk
2007-01-03 09:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just talk to her, tell her you no she loved him and always will, but ask her if she thinks he would want her to be this unhappy. explain to her that others love her and want her to be happy, i lost my husband also, it takes time for the shock of it all, and she is lonely, needs all her friends right now. pray for her i will, and may god bless
2007-01-03 09:37:48 · answer #7 · answered by janieloveday 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there thats all you can do............
2007-01-03 09:32:59 · answer #8 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋