How do I move on?

Question

I was in a relationship for almost 1-1/2 yrs that has very recently ended (he ended it after a very minor fight). I tried to end the relationship prior to this, but he told me that we could make it through anything and that he could not live without me, etc. I know in my head that this is for the best, but my heart is so in love with him. I want to know why he lied to me for so long. I can't seem to resist the urges to txt or email him, not because I am "stalking" him, but because I want to understand why he changed his mind/if all of the words he told me really were just lies. I have only had one other break up that was really bad, a 3-1/2 yr relationship, and I don't like how I dealt with the pain from that, I turned to alcohol and became someone I couldn't stand for 2 yrs. I don't have any friends to turn to, he didn't like any of my friends, so we lost touch. I still have my best friend who is now married, so it's hard to go to her for support. Any ideas on how to move on?

Answer 1

I still think the best way to get over love sickness is to have someone to fill this void. I am not saying rush into anything but make yourself approachable and put on this air of happiness even it is difficult at times. Guys will take notice. You will be amazed how much better you will feel if you keep smiling and a guy you are attracted to takes notice. It will make your day and then you will start feeling wanted again. That is why you feel like you do. If you have had other long-term relationships I am sure you will have others. Just be open to the possibility and keep smiling.

Answer 2

Nas and the other guy who answered your question are full of crap :)
let me tell you what went down exactly. you say you tried to end the relationship first and he refused that, so you went back? poor baby...you shouldn't have. the guy knew the relationship was doomed and he just didn't want to be dumped...so he twisted the situation so he could dump YOU instead (minor fight...). clever huh? and how do i know this? well, I'm a guy and i have done this lots of times. its a silly ego thing..don't ask to much about it.
one thing is fairly obvious though. this guy is not serious about you and probably never has been. he's probably having sex with someone else right now. he's a weasel and you cannot forget him because 2 years is a very long time. people become part of your mind in 2 years.

what you can do is this....and it works. don't try to forget him. accept that you loved him and you were suckered. it ain't so bad...then just do something you haven't done before (like learn Esperanto..kiel vi fartas? or go to the gym). it'll take approximately a month to forget the pain...but it will work. trust me...I've been dumped too

most important thing.........DON'T EVER EVER EVER TXT HIM OR EMAIL HIM.
he's a wanker...and he feeds on your weakness. find another guy who actually loves you....dankon

Answer 3

You said you tried to end it once so apparently there were problems there before he ended it. Maybe you are having a hard time dealing with the rejection part of it. Just because you broke up doesn't mean that you don't still love him. You can't turn love on and off like that. But eventually your heart will grow more distant from your feelings. Your right, the drinking won't help. If you would have been the one to break up, what was your exit plan then. Maybe you can join a group or get some counseling so you'll have someone to talk to. Get involved in something that means alot to you to help keep your mind off of it. Don't allow it to totally consume you. Then, just let him go.

Answer 4

Put on your tough skin, kid. Now, let's get this straight.
You: 1) Give up your friends for a so so relationship. 2) Drink to self-medicate after a relationship ends. 3) Aren't happy unless you are in a relationship. 4) Aren't happy IN a relationship. 5) Can't separate from a relationship even when you know you should. 6) Can actually change into someone even YOU don't like
7) Have difficulty controlling your emotions 8) Endulge in self-destructive behavior. Conclusion: I'm not certain you should be in ANY relationship until you get these issues resolved. Frankly, you need to do some serious work on yourself before you may even be capable of being in a quality relationship. Time to start, NOW. Get thee to a shrink and start working on resolving some of these issues. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I feel so sorry for you, not long ago i was going through the same thing, the best way to move on is to do things that take your mind off of it, friends are usually your best bet but it sounds a little tough, these feelings will settle down after a few months, but in that time, stick to getting out, keeping busy and very social, time will heal everything.

Hope it works out ok for you :) you just need a great person you can talk to, like i did.

Answer 6

he kept u in the relationship because he wasn't ready to move on yet, for whatever reason. and now he was ready so he did. he didn't change his mind, he just wasn't ready to end it yet. relationship ending is difficult to understand when we are going through it, its not until we get through it do we fully understand it. if u love someone u just don't walk away from it, speaking about your boyfriend. never turn to alcohol, that will never help. got to seek therapy of some kind, got to stop blaming yourself and see this man for who he really is, got to stop mourning what u thought the relationship was, and see it for what it really was. under no circumstance do u contact them, as u always run the risk of more rejection out of them. distance and time and therapy of some kind, are about the only thing that helps. but if he truly loved u he would never have walked away, he would still be there. u must face the truth, and get out of the denial about it, see it for what it really is, get some friends to talk to, we do need friends to get us through the bad times, as we really can't do it alone. he never intended to stay and work on it, as he probably already had someone else, but just wasn't quite ready to leave u yet. good luck, and move forward, leave your past in the past where it belongs.

Answer 7

Fact #1: You can't expect anyone else to make you happy.
Fact #2: If you don't love yourself then no one else can love you either.

Pick your *** up off the floor and continue to live your life. No MAN is worth flushing your life down the drain. You don't need a man in your life to live it. IF you lost touch with your friends all because he didn't like them then you were never living your life you were living his. So #1 priority, go back to living your life for a change. figure out some goals for yourself and get to it girl!!!!!!!!! There is so much more to life than a fricking man!!!!

Answer 8

make new friends, help out a charity, start a small business, talk with GOD,find a hobby, relocate. Any of these options can probably help some. dont keep yourself down wondering why this guy lied to you, he'll probably give you another lie on top of the ones he already told you. Move on with your life, not easy, but in time, he'll be but a distant memory

Answer 9

From previous experience drugs and alcohol are definately not the way to go, i'm sure u realise this now :-) That one friend that is married wouldn't mind helping at all, just ask!! keep your mind busy, and away from thinking bout liars, we all do it, you deserve better, u are always number 1, the one you are searching for loves you, your lifestyle and your friends, and to some degree even your mum :-)

Answer 10

If you tried to break up with him before then your heart is NOT so in love with him. If you know it's for the best then accept it. What good would it do you to have all the answers? What if they weren't good enough reasons to you? If you tried to break things off before are you sure that you don't just have wounded ego? You WERE going to do it before and he wouldn't accept it so you went back. Whenever there is a break up it leaves a hole in your life. Fill it with something worthwhile and not alcohol. The decision is yours, you can wallow in self pity if you want to, but, to me it's a waste of time.