So, I've been married for one year and a month and we have been going through a rocky relationship since we met. I thought getting married would put our problems behind us. Boy, was I wrong. After four years of being together his ex calls out of the blue and they were talking for a whole month and I knew nothing about it until I looked at the phone bill one day. I confronted him about it and we talked and that was it. We agreed that we wouldn't make new friends of the upset sex. OK. Two days ago a private number called and I picked up. It was a man's voice who I told not to call my phone unless work related. Husband asks who was that, I lied and said it was my girlfriend but he already heard the man voice. A few minutes later I told him who it was and that I told the man not to call my phone. Now, as I was able to day by day get over of his month secret, he can't speak to me and its been two days. I've just been really depressed and can't stand when men are two sided.
2007-01-03 00:57:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I apologized for what I did and asked him to forgive me. I didn't mean to lie, its just that I got mad at the man for calling and then my husband questioning about who's on my line. I don't do it to him....And now i'm tired of saying sorry. And I don't feel comfortable sleeping with him. I just sleep in another room and still can't get no sleep. Our relationship has been nothing but lies and deceit and i'm just depressed.....Any advice....
2007-01-03 01:00:57 · update #1
I was not trying to decieve my husband. No excuse, but he kept a lie from me for a whole month and still lying....
2007-01-03 01:05:45 · update #2
That wasn't a little lie honey, you intentionally tried to deceive your husband. And now he's upset and you're trying to make it out to be his fault!
Amazing.......
You both need marriage counseling. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-03 01:00:30 · answer #1 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did the man get your number?
Honestly here if you all dont trust each other to the point that you are not allowing each other to "make friends of the opposite sex" then you have some major issues in this relationship.
There has to be trust to make a relationship work and it seems to me that is gone here. With time and effort on BOTH parts it can be gotten back, but it is a long road and will only work with a lot of time and effort put into it.
You have to make the decision at this point to decide if you both feel the relationship is worth the kind of effort it will take to repair it. Sometimes at this point the damage from both sides is just too great to undo
2007-01-03 01:06:27 · answer #2 · answered by just_trump_my_ace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if this relationship is so down in the dumps it's just not going to get better. I've had many relationships go south and get rocky, but once in a blue moon can you work things out. You two have to not only love each other to make it work, but LIKE each other. That's the big thing that people skip over in relationships. I see couples all the time who are together just to be with someone else and that is not a real relationship.
But onto your question. I have an idea why he's acting so mad-because he's already cheating on you. Maybe not with his ex, but with someone. He's using the thing you did as an excuse to make you look bad and like someone he shouldn't be with. It's an easy out for him, it's called transference and people do it all the time. They have to paint a bad picture of you in order to treat you badly or else they would feel badly about it. Either he's going to leave you for someone else or he's going to use this as an excuse to go on cheating-in his mind it's like: 'hey, look what a bad person she is, there is no reason I should be faithful.'
I know, because it happened with me and an ex. Everyday he'd accuse me of cheating and I wasn't at all. But it turned out that he was the one cheating all along.
Life lessons.
2007-01-03 03:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by that dead girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're funny! Let me get this correct. You got upset because your husband was talking to his ex and you knew nothing about it. You wanted honesty out of the relationship but yet "YOU" lied. Now you want all of us to take your side on this? Are you serious? Are you kidding us or yourself? You're fooling yourself. Why did you feel the need to lie but yet you want him to be honest? I wouldn't speak to you either. Depressed? Yeah right, you feel that you're being ignored because your husband can't and won't deal with your lying backside. Now you've got the nerve to call him two-sided. Hmmmm, let's think about this he lied to you in your opinion which made you feel bad and you got upset so why in the hell would you turn around and do it to him? Who's being two-sided? You are! You're two-sided, two faced and a liar. Most importantly what in the hell made you think that a rough relationship would get better because you got married? No! That would only make it worse because now it's not so easy to just up and walk away. Think lady! Think!!!!!!
2007-01-03 01:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to either get marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer, end of story.
You just said it was a rocky relationship from the start, and it didnt get better by getting married (never does!)...
There's no shame in admitting "Hey, we arent meant to be together forever, OOPS" and being mature and getting a divorce--sometimes people are better ex's than they are husband and wives. And if there's kids involved, again, sometimes you two will be better parents if you're NOT fighting, etc.
Good luck, kiddo!
2007-01-03 01:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one: you were wrong for tellin him he cant and then lying to him... if youd just said it was someone from work and work related or whatever that would be ok
two: he seems really childish and just wants to get an apology from you that he only halfway deserves
three: try to fix things between the two of you not go throwin more on your plate hopin that bad stuff will be buried benneath it all like getting married to make problems go away
and finally communication is what is needed in a relationship to keep it healthy communication and trust
2007-01-03 01:02:20 · answer #6 · answered by .......... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, what i know is that there is no lie too little it still remains a lie and also if you are a bible reader, the bible says all lies(sin) is the same in the eyes of God. Whether some one lied about stealing a crystal of sugar and another lied about breaking into a bank it is all lies and await the same judgement before God
2007-01-03 01:11:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is the question here?
Yes it was wrong to lie and you sound like you know that but I'm not sure why you did. I can see the motivation for keeping his relationship with his ex secret but why would you lie about a wrong number?
2007-01-03 01:01:17 · answer #8 · answered by blhenne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't even sleep in the same bed, then it's time for a separation. You don't have to get divorced, you guys just need some space to figure out what you really want.
2007-01-03 02:07:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship built on lies and deceit does not ever get better. Start fresh with counseling or hang it up sister. You are trying to get back at him and not willing to be honest with even yourself about it.
2007-01-03 01:04:14 · answer #10 · answered by nellyann1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋