What should I do?

Question

I am dating this great girl - we have a lot in common and love spending time together. I want to get married but the only problem is religion. She does not like religion and will not have a church wedding. While I don't consider myself very religious at all, my family is very Catholic. If I didn't have a religious wedding I think I would be kicked out of the family....what should I do?

Answer 1

ditch her

Answer 2

You need to get your priorities straight here. This is your life. Althought I think its great that you are taking your families feelings into consideration here, its really how YOU feel that matters.

Insisting on a church wedding because your FAMILY wants it is not a good reason. If YOU were very religious and wanted it, that would be another thing.

Speak openly with your family about how YOU and her feel. Since it appears not to be that big an issue with you do not pin it all on her and make her the bad guy for not wanting it. This will cause a rift between her and your family. Take some of the responsiblity here, tell them that you both have decided that this is how it will be done, and although you know they will not agree you would appreciate there support in the matter.

If they love you, they will not "kick you out" for standing on your own and making your own choices.

Family is very important, but if you love this girl and want to make her your wife then so is she.

You two have to make your own way in the world together. Take your families feelings into consideration, but do NOT let there feelings rule your new life.

Finding a balance can be difficult, but it can be done.

Good Luck

Answer 3

First, who's wedding would this be? Yours or your family's? You need to figure out what is the most important issue for your personally. If you are not religious, why bother with a religious wedding ceremony? Why not have a wedding elsewhere and have a civil wedding?

You may want to consider what you and your girlfriend want to do. If this is that big of an issue to prevent you from marrying a person you feel you are compatible with, there may be other problems under the surface and things could get worse. I think this is an excuse for something else, but I could be wrong!

Answer 4

I think the only thing you can do is to talk to this girl and explain the importance of this to her. Failing that could you not have a semi religious compromise wedding? or maybe even a non religious service and a blessing or something to pacfiy the family? It is a difficult situation but I am sure that if the love is strong enough between you both then both of you could meet in the middle making sure that every party is somehow happy.

Answer 5

Hmm, tricky. Maybe you should have a deep n meaningful to your family about it and see exactly how they feel. Personally, I think that it's your wedding and you should feel free to have whatever ceremony you want. I always follow my heart and a lot of times family and friends don't like it...but eventually they come around and respect my decisions. Your family might surprise you? What's more, a wedding is about the joining of lives between two people. If the catholic religion isn't a part of who either of you are individually - then it won't be a part of your lives together. Why mock a beautiful experience, pretending to be something that you both know you aren't. Remember - it's YOUR day...not the family's.

Answer 6

Well first of all you both need to sit down and talk about everything with each other. Tell her the way you feel. Instead of getting married in a catholic church maybe you both will consider another church or an outside wedding. Does it really matter if you both want to spend the rest of your lives together.

Answer 7

As much as I want to agree with your parents, the fact of the matter is that a wedding is about the bride and groom. It is nice to throw the wedding of your parents' dreams for them, but that is not what weddings are for. If they love you, they should accept your decision to have the wedding of YOUR dreams. It would be painful to be "thrown out of the family," but perhaps if you reason with them they will be mature enough to give you the space you need. Being a Christian does not mean throwing your son out. If it is going to come down to that, perhaps THEY have a problem. It does not have to be YOUR problem. You can spend your entire life trying to please them, but you will never find happiness living life for them. If you truly love the girl, decide how you two want to get married and do it!

All that said, make sure that this marriage is going to work! Sometimes one projects their own fears onto their parents as an excuse to get out of the situation. I am not saying you are doing this, but it is something to consider. It is always highly recommended that you get pre-marriage counseling before you get married. That can help you nip a lot of problems in the bud and save you the embarrassment of running back home after a divorce with your tail between your legs.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I'm so glad to hear that you've found Mrs. Right. They are hard to come by this day in age. Congratulations! Individules have their differences and their own beliefs understand that. If you want to get married, religion should not stop you. Perhaps the two of you can communicate (key word) about how important this church wedding is to you. Reassure her that you're not trying to push religion on her, it's just of great value to you and your family. She should be able to push her feelings aside just for that one day and make that sacrifice for the man she loves. One the other hand, if that doesn't work, perhaps stoop down to her level and see if marriage to youi is of great importance to her. Do know that blood is thicker than water. Your family will always be there for you. Keep in mind even if they do the Lord said he will never leave you nor foresake you. Seek him for guidance. Pray!

Answer 9

Communication is key. Tell her how you feel about her, how you think there is a future for the two of you, but that you are concerned about how she feels about religion. Let her know how important it is in your family, and that even though you love and respect her, you need to know that she feels the same way about you and your family. If she loves you, truly, than she'll compromise. If she is steadfast against religion and religious weddings, maybe it isn't meant to be. Ultimately it is up to you - go with your heart, or appease the family.

Answer 10

It;'s not about anyone except yourself. You must explore what is important to you in terms of religion. Many couples turn to the Unitarian Universalist Church, a place where many denominations learn about and share one anther's religious experiences and traditions. Your family, like mine, could explode. If this young lady and you are intent on marriage, you must also explore how you would want to bring up kids. And you must agree to adhere to the decision concerning religious training, if any. Love is really the most important thing. Religions usu sally teach hatred and fear anyway, and distrust of others..

To me, a person who had his family revolt, the answer could be to give an ultimatum: attend or lose you. It;s your life and they can chose. If their religious doctrine are so immovable, they will only get more impossible later, not less.

Answer 11

Religion is one's own choice! Your family can do what they like. If you want to live your life according to your family, then marry them!