I love my girlfriend very much and I think she is 'the one' She is a year older than me (27 this year) and I can tell from the conversations that we have that she fears being past her 'sell by' date and wants to marry soon. I'm also starting to feel like I should settle down but I have the following fears:
1) We've been acquintances for over a year but have dated for only four months. I feel this is too short a time and we should get to know each other better.
2) I intend to take a huge risk with my life at some point soon. I intend to either quit my job and look for a different one in another country, go do my masters as a full time student or start a business or something like that. Without the responsibility of being a hubby, its easy but if I get married I may miss my oportunity and wld always think my marraige costs me my life
3) I dont wanna have children within the next four years but I know she wants one now! How will we reconcile this
Help
2007-01-03 00:20:23 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I can understand where you are coming from. I got married after knowing my husband for 4.5 months. We have now been married for 10 years. I have seen many marriages that have came and gone to a divorce in that much time or less. Why are you looking at marriage? Is it something to do? For my husband and I, the center of our marriage is God. So there is a commitment just to make today, yesterday and to make today and tomorrow better for each other and our children. If you don't believe in God why get married? It is just a lot of money that "if your not happy will end in divorce"? Marriage is a covenant between two people that God joins and makes ONE. So that no one make take apart. So maybe, you need to consider it as a Hugh risk that you will live with for the rest of your life and not just a simple ceremony to make her happy.
2007-01-03 00:46:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait! Hold up bro...What's the rush here? Why be so anxious to get married? It's a lifetime commitment. I mean you don't have any bennifits right? Do you have a good life insurance policy? Perhaps she's going to kill you. No, seriously. You need to follow your dreams then your heart. Go to school and better yourself. If she's this pushy in the beginning only imagine what it's going to be like. Lord knows if she were to get pregnant you would be wanted by child support. Don't do it. What's the difference if you purchase a xbox now than waiting until 2010 It won't change it will be the same item and not to mention cheaper
2007-01-03 08:32:40 · answer #2 · answered by Jerry S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask someone else the question then you aren't ready for marriage,, you sound as if you don't have a clue what you truely want in life period. To many things on the list, good to have goals and all but be realistic, if you love her she may not wait on you to make up your mind of what you want, she may already know what she wants, and how old are you? 4 months is a short period but when you love someone it really dosen't matter, everyone has fears and all but that is part of life, hope you find out what is important to you, good luck
2007-01-03 08:33:00 · answer #3 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you have differences from the start. Wait for a while.
Point no.2 is important to you. So if she cannot wait you let her go. There will be many women who will be willing to marry you after you complete your studies. Don't mix up things. If you are planning to quit your job then it is not the time to get married and live off her earnings.
You have hit the nail on the head. Time/opportunity lost cannot be retrieved. So let her go. She is not for you. Pursue your goals and then think of marrying someone who is in agreement with your goals. You should look at younger women who have time on their side and are not rushing you into marriage.
Best of luck.
2007-01-03 08:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience about this scenario. First 27 is not old and decrepit. I married at 28 my spouse was 27. I always said I wanted children before I was 30. Here I sit age 34 childless and my husband is still going to school. He's gotten a license as a nurse. He's gotten a degree in Business Administration. And, now he works in California as nurse and is going to school for his RN. We live in Louisiana. MY point is...it's really tough and expecting a lot from me for him to continually change careers and work long distance now that we're married. YOU should do all of this before you marry. Explore the world..take chances before you marry. Believe me there is alot of resentment on both of our parts already. No kids and married 6 years....c'mon... we should have been there and done that already. Good Luck to you. No harm ever came to you by waiting...don't get hitched outta fear of being ditched!! :)
2007-01-03 08:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with reddevilbloodmary. When talking to her if she starts talking all about herself then that's what she is all about. A marriage is not about 1 person, it's about 2 people and following each others dreams, being supportive for each other. I probably would not have finished school if I didn't have my husband there by my side encouraging me to do it.
As for the child thing if she wants to truly marry you and be supportive of you then a baby can wait, it really is 4 years.
Do what you can do now in experiencing life, travel together, experience life together.
2007-01-03 08:47:57 · answer #6 · answered by sunshineandlollypops2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 months? DO NOT propose! Good grief!
Sorry, dude. Ya'll are nowhere close to being on the same page. Different goals, different plans, different needs. Be a nice guy and tell her you cannot give her what she needs. Break it off with her and let her start to find someone else who wants to get married and wants to have children. In 4 years, she will be 31 and JUST STARTING TO THINK about having children if she stays with you. Not a great place for a woman to be.
Be a gentleman.
2007-01-03 08:25:50 · answer #7 · answered by ssc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with her and explain that you think she might be the one for you, but that you have big dreams (tell them to her) and if she starts to talk about how both of you can reach your dreams as a team, then she's definitely the one. (My hubby says he would have never started his own business except that I was very supportive of him.) If she immediately begins to talk about herself and her desires, then maybe she's not the one for you. You could even point it out to her, how disappointed you are that she didn't immediately go into "team" mode. You want her to have her dreams, I can tell by how you talk, you just don't want to have to give up yours, and you shouldn't, and you all should have a long engagement, I know life is short, but if you plan on living together the rest of it, another year won't matter, besides, she will need time to plan the wedding.
2007-01-03 08:31:57 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This woman is rushing you into marriage. Can't you see that? Don't let her manipulate you in this way. If you're not ready to get married, DON'T. If she can't wait, let her go. She'll be the same manipulative person in marriage that she is now. Furthermore, nobody is knocking down her door to marry her. She'll be around for a while.
You really should rethink marrying this woman. She's dishonest and you can certainly do better.
2007-01-03 08:30:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know exactly how you feel. Now you just need to tell her. Four months is not long enough to marry someone. You've only seen the good side...
2007-01-03 08:28:55 · answer #10 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋