I'm feeling I made a mistake getting married?

Question

I got married 7 mo ago, I knew the guy for a couple years then. We were both crazy in love, but seems that feeling is gone and I see things that I wasn't noticing before. I'd love to have a baby soon, he has kids from his last marriage, is 14 years older than me and had vasectomy before we met. We've been talking about having it reversed but I feel like I'm bugging and it won't be that easy...I'm getting close to 30 myself. Feels my life's starting but all he's ready to is retire and relax, it's getting so hard to imagine our futures together...I simply don't know what to do and don't want to hurt him, he's a great loving man. I don't even have anyone to talk about it...

Answer 1

You screwed up big time. If you knew he had a vasectomy, and you wanted to have kids, it is completely your fault for marrying him. Why did you think he got the vasectomy? It's not so he can have more kids with you. He's not going to reverse it.

You should have thought about the age difference as well. He has already done the marriage thing. He has already done the kids thing. He's not going to do it again with you. He is in another stage in life than you are. That's not going to change ever. Either you need to catch up to him, or you need to get divorced.

It's really your fault for not thinking this through. What did you think that it was all going to change once you got married? You are delusional if you think that he was going to change right after he said I do. It's going to stay the same, and you have only yourself to blame because you knew how he was BEFORE you got married. Cut your losses. You aren't a spring chicken anymore, so time's a wastin'.

Answer 2

I hate to point out the obvious, but you should have thought about a lot of this prior to marrying him. If kids are important to you, why oh why would you ever marry a man that didn't want them?Even if he agrees to a vasectomy reversal doesn't mean that Iit will work - especially if they cauterized it. The best answer would be to either make the best of the situation you're in or divorce now so you can start over. There is no magic pill to take to make everything better.

Answer 3

Honey...your friends and family were waiting for you to "see the light" before you married 14 years your elder. So, now you're married and you see the monumental differences in the age gap. At age 44 if he's going to reverse a vasectomy he better get on the ball. You'll have to strive hard as a married couple to compromise on activities....ex. he's tired your full of energy...meet somewhere in the middle. I'm 34 btw and I have no kids, either. I feel the clock ticking everyday and my husband thinks he can dictate when we have kids too. He wants everything to have fallen into place before we become pg... yet he doesn't understand the fear of not being able to have any kids if we wait much longer. I will resent him ..if that's the case. Just things for you to think about...

Answer 4

See if your husband will get his vasectomy reversed so you don't miss out on having a child-If you really want a baby and can't you may resent him later. You are in a new marriage-it does take time to get used to each other and you will notice things more that get on your nerves. Give it some time . It's not easy finding a loving man,so give it a chance and don't give up that baby dream-its a wonderful experience

Answer 5

Communication would be the key here. It doesn't sound as though this was discussed much before the marriage began, but sooner is a better time to start talking than later. Your happiness is at stake here. If you find he is willing to compromise to meet your goals and needs, it is worth toughing it out. If he is unresponsive to you, there is a definite problem with the marriage partnership and you will probably be unhappy for quite some time. Remember it is a two way street and the beginning of the street is communication. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

You really need to think hard about this. When he's gone is when you will really want him back!. Perhaps just try to work things out dont focus on having children right now move to the next big thing in you life if you dont know what it is then find it. Things will get better if you make them!. I have found if you love life it will love you back!.....

Answer 7

You should have talked about children before you got married. I got married after knowing my husband 7 months. We've been married 24 years. All you need to do is talk to him, both of you go to a private place to talk about everything. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Dang I know exactly how you feel. Why don't you sit and have a serious talk about it and tell him how you feel about having a baby and how important it is to you to have a family since you are starting to get older. He is only thinking about the fact that he already has a family and is not thinking about the family that you have not experienced having. Still try to talk to him about it maybe he'll understand.

Answer 9

Yah, having two different dreams and goal is hard for your r/s to work. Tell him how you feel and what you'd love to share with him...

There was once I heard my couple friends told me:
Initially, my lady friend told him that he(her boyfriend) has changed. But in actual fact, she admitted that she's the one who have changed. Initially, when both was so madly in love, she accept whatever he is but after the passion is over, she start having her own views and starting to find fault...

Sometimes, love is not strong enough to hold a relationship. We are afterall living in a factual and realistic world, therefore its right you are true and factual to what you wants and your goals...

Go for it!

Answer 10

Vasectomy reversal ,IVF (in vitro fertilization) treatment; IUI, ICSI and Laparoscopic surgery is very cheap in India. The cost is very low and the medical services are very good in India.

My cousin and her husband got their IVF treatment in India through the Forerunners Healthcare in India and is all praise for this company. She is a known case of PCOS.She is a very happy mother of a baby boy now. She just paid 2500 pounds for the full IVF treatment in India for which she was quoted 8000 pounds in private setup in UK.

Forerunners Healthcare is very famous in India. I read a lot about them in the newspapers. I have also read about a Chinese couple who planned surrogacy through the Forerunners Healthcare. They arrange financing for USA, Canadian, UK and other international patients who plan to have surgery and infertility treatment like IVF, IUI, and ICSI abroad for low price. They also have photos pasted of their International patients. You can checkout their website. There are huge cost savings. As a doctor I personally believe that surgery and treatment can be easily handled in India, as the quality of healthcare available In India is simply best in the world. The surgeons are USA/UK trained and facilities are 5 star.

http://www.forerunnershealthcare.com
Hope this helps.