I am feeling really low... What should I do?

Question

I spent pretty much the whole festive season on my own. I feel very alone anyway but it is somehow more opinion at that time of year. I have no family and have been told by someone that I should just expect to be alone in my situation. My friends seem to stand me up frequently and I just feel like an unnecessary add on in most peoples lives. The constant after thought. Never a plan always the last minute arrangement and fit in. I don't matter or make a difference to people and nothing ever changes.
This routine is doing my head in and if this is what to expect for the next 30 odd years then really what is the point? I know it seems very negative and maybe I really should just accept my situation but just because something 'is' doesn’t mean I have to like it but I don't know how to change it. Please, any suggestions of what I can or should do are welcome. I just want a slice of happiness.

Actually I don't expect anyone to make plans to fit in with me but if someone does make plans to see me over christmas I also don't expect them to cancel on me at the last minute for no good reason.

I honestly don't have a mental thing going on I am just fed up. This isn't depression as I have been threre and done that so know what it is. I have been to my doctor as I have go regularly for another condition. I am lonely or alone or both really. I miss having a family and, at 33, I feel it is becomeing less likely with each day that I will ever have another family. This makes me very sad. I have given a lot to various relationships in my life but I am still not a person people see their future with and that is something I have resigned myself to. This sounds like self pity but there seems to be something very unlovable about me. If I knew what it was I would change it. I have been told I am too generous and that men don't like women with brains. I hope that isn't true but if that is what makes me undesirable then I have no desire to change it.

I actually have some good friends but they have family and lives of their own. They give me time but the gaps still leave a huge void.

Also, I paint, read, write and go for walks in the evening. I go to art galleries, the cinema, museums and various things to occupy my time. I work full time and am actually pretty darn good at my job and reasonably popular at work. I changed jobs recently. I go on holiday on my own. I speak another language and am starting a course next month (it wont be my first)... I always put myself out for others. Though my job involves working with the disadvantaged so I don't do charity or voluntary work in my spare time I do give to charity. I often find myself helping strangers and do a lot for those I know too. I also get pedicures and manicures regularly and they do give me a lift. I suppose that I spent 5 years losing my family to find myself alone and this gap isn't really something I have the power to change. With all the things I do have the thought of never being able to share this with someone in a meaningful way makes me feel low.

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you might benefit from going out and meeting new people - try and widen your group of friends.
Clubs and activities can help, or just get chatting to people! I come from rather a nomadic family, and my mum always advised me to strike up conversations with everybody. Don't get down hearted - for every 9 people that reject this, one might turn out to be a true friend :) My Mum met her best friend of the past 15 years, a lady who is now part of the family, just in the street and they got talking :)
Hope this helps :)

Answer 2

Honestly it's a tough one. Some ideas to ad to the other answers.
1. I used to go for brisk walks with my walkman and day dream. the endorphin rush cheered me up.
2. Also I love to read and this is a fantastic escape, and it's not bad for your brain.
3. If you can find another circle of people perhaps through work of a club or voluntary work, then with time you can build up these contacts to friends.
4. Yahoo and other Internet providers give you the chance to make contact with others with chat rooms. You can't chat on Answers but you are still making contact with other live people and it is like a community.
5. If you have symptoms of poor sleep, appetite, low mood especially in the mornings, a lack of enjoyment and low mood in general, then maybe talk to your GP about getting assessed for clinical depression.
6. Don't' turn to drugs or alcohol to replace people, ultimately this option will let you down in a big way. A bit of social drinking to loosen up is considered ok by most people though.
7. Change the photo to one with a smile.
Good Luck and may the New Year bring new friends and possibilities.

Answer 3

Hun, you sound very down about things.

My advice is, you only have one go in this life, there are no rehearsals, this is it and you are a long time dead. Everyone is in charge of their own life, if you are unhappy, then YOU should do something about it. No one on here can tell you a sure fire way of making yourself happy, only you know what your heart desires and dreams you have that are yet to be realities. Figure out what you want and go for it, whether it be a whole new life in another place, a new job or hobby or just a change in hair style or wardrobe. What works for one person might not be the answer for another.

Good luck x

Answer 4

You can change your situation. You deserve happiness as much as anyone else!

It sounds like you need to meet different people. If you have an interest that you'd like to learn more about why not try an evening college course or something along those lines.

Things never have to remain the same. You can change your situation. We are the creators of our own destiny and you need to take control now with the knowledge that you can change things. What you give out will come back to you so, if you're positive in trying to change, you will receive positivity back. You really can create the life you want, follow your heart.

I hope what I've said helps x

Answer 5

Miss May go and get yourself a manicure and a pedicure, go and volunteer as a hugger at your local hospital on the pediatric ward because there is always little babies that needs some TLC. A lot of times friends do not want to hang around you when they sense negativity. You do matter and you need to continually tell yourself that. Doing for other people will make a world of difference. Hang in there your slice of happiness is around the corner.

Answer 6

Be more proactive. Cut out the people who stand you up frequently. And when you are a 'last-minute' arrangement to make up numbers, don't go. Do something else instead.

You say you don't matter or make a difference - change that. Start to matter. Start to make a difference. Get out there and start DOING things, you'll connect with people who see your value, and you may even discover some exciting things about yourself. Other answers give some good suggestions as to what you could constructively do with your life. Go for it!

Answer 7

I spent the whole of the feastive season alone .....and you know, what we take in our stride the rest of the year somehow seems 'awful' at that time because we all have an illussion of everyone else having fun. Many don't, even if with family and friends.
Maybe an off the wall suggestion..........but it worked for me.........stop looking and it will find you. Took me a decade but I'm 52, you are still young. You have your interests....persue them and chill out about being on your own, learn to enjoy it. If you can learn to enjoy what you have the rest will follow in time.

Answer 8

happiness is out there,and if U really wanted it u could get it
u have a mental thing going on try to talk it out with someone sitting alone wont help it will bring depression ,stress,tension and Lot of other things i know some things are hard to leave but sometimes in order to live the future u have to let go of the past life is to short to not enjoy it
u're alone because u wanna be alone if u want happiness u can get it u just have to really want it
find a hobby,just don't sit around and sulk bad for ya mind,body,and soul,
i wish u the best of luck
"smile"

Answer 9

Consider going to speak to your GP, or a professional, as they can prescribe you something that may lift your spirit.

I suggest to trying to learn a new skill, so that you proud of your achievements.

Set some goals in life to aim towards.

College course start either Monday coming or in September so maybe you can learn a language, pick up on some art skills, or something that you are interested in. At the same time of learning something new, you will be able to meet new exciting people who you will have things in common with, and have a sense of achievement when completing the course.

Good Luck, and I hope I've mentioned something that could possibly help!x

Answer 10

Women experience depression about twice as often as men. many hormonal factors may contribute to the increased rate of depression in women; particularly such factors as menstrual cycle changes, Typical symptoms among individuals dealing with these issues are: lowered mood, loss of energy and interest, a feeling of physical illness or of being run down, poor concentration, altered appetite and sleep and a slowing down of physical and mental functions, and usually the relentless feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, guilt and anxiety.
Some people have conducted a long string of experiments that show the futility and actual danger of trying to get rid of thoughts trying not to think a negative thought will result in thinking it more.
You can breathe slowly and deeply or shallowly and quickly. You can breathe any way you want. But you can't stop.
The same is true about thinking. You can say something stupid or depressing to yourself; you can say something intelligent or inspiring to yourself; but you can't stop thinking entirely. So when you find yourself disliking the content of your thoughts, instead of trying to stop yourself from thinking a thought, try to direct your thoughts. And the way to direct your thinking is by asking yourself a question. A question gets your mind going in a new direction without suppressing what you're already thinking. Positive thinking is a practice - positive thinking is something you learn over time. Positive thinking is not something that you were born with. First you have to understand your negative thoughts and beliefs then only can you begin changing them. Once you begin changing them you begin creating a positive attitude - and ultimately you begin practicing positive thinking everyday. In order to get the most out of positive thinking you have to make it a way of life.