Does anyone beleive in marriage anymore?

Question

I have been dating the same guy off and on for 6 years .I left him twice and told him it was because he wouldnt marry me.Which is true .I got so tired of feeling used for sex I just got disgusted now we are back together 6 months and I have brought up the issue again and he says oh its a peice of paper.This isnt the life I planned.Hes in colledge and was married before so I thinkhe is screwed up by that but Im 34 years old and even though I do think he is the man for me I keep wondering what is his deal?He says he is afraid I will leave him again ignoring that I left him because he wouldnt marry me.I finally decided not to dump him but to stop sleeping with him.Its a major test as I love him so much.Im just miserable dating the man that I want to be with all the time.Its so highschool.I want us to have morals and I want his parents who are sweethearts to see me as a family member.What can I do ? Im at the end of my rope.

Answer 1

tell him that he is right....marriage is just a piece of paper......but, you'd like to have a piece of paper so you can frame it and look at it every day because that piece of paper even if it is printed on used toilet paper means the whole world to you. tell him that if he truly loves you, he would do this for you.... if he truly loves you, he will offer you the only thing you have ever asked of him.... if he truly loves you, he would not deny this from you.

also, aren't you both thinking of having any kids? you are 34 and time to think about it......don't tell him though as it might even scare him more (lol).

Answer 2

Well I still believe in marriage, so you're not the only one.
I don't understand the ones saying you shouldn't stay with him.
I'm reading in your post that he's scared of marriage, but a good
man and worth fighting for, am I right?

With a lot of divorces these days due to the vast amount of choice and no social control on relationships, my guess is that since your boyfriend also has experienced a divorce before, he therefor has become very very weary of doing that again.
His view of marriage and that of many others has become stumped and warped.
At the very least he doesn't want to risk another certain hell called a divorce.



Your job is to change his views.
Prove him you're true marriage material. Prove to him you don't love him just now or on the day you get married, but prove him you will love forever and ever and ever and ever. Destroy every single doubt of his in his mind that you would leave him as soon as the marriage is done.

I don't have a girlfriend yet, but when I do and she starts talking about marriage, I'm going to let her sing Bryan Adam's song (Everything I do) every single day to me, untill she means it, loves it because she knows she means it and thinks it would be a great theme song for our marriage.

Perhaps you think that's rather silly (or perhaps you're planning to sing that to him tomorrow :D) , but the essence is that he needs little satisfactory confirmations of commitment and affection every day, just like you do.

With that I mean:
A good morning kiss..
An enthusiasticallty glomp whenever he gets home (think Dino from the flintstones)
telling him you love him today and you just know you love him tomorrow, unlike that ** that divorced him and that your search is over, cause there's noone better than him
and other stuff like that.

I'm sure he's got ideas of his own, so communicate with him.
Give him a pen and paper and ask him to write down all the little things he wants you to see you do for him every day, until the two walk down the aisle and beyond.
Tell him it's because you want to make sure you want to stay with him.

and if that doesn't help then I give up...

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well Your First Mistake Was Going Back To Him 2 Times.To Be Honest I Would Get Rid Of Him For Good And Find Someone On The Same Page As You.Good Luck.

Answer 4

I am (was) in the same kind of situation. But when it does come down to it, it is only a piece of paper. If you love him so much then why would you risk the relationship by leaving or using sex as a weapon against him. Think of how you would feel after he surrendered into marying you because he just wanted sex. I told my boyfriend that I'd rather not get married until we BOTH wanted to. I don't mean to be harsh but thats just my opinion.

Answer 5

Look ,,,,,if your having sex with the man then marriage is JUST PAPER .Marriage is just a religious ceremony saying its OK to make babies.I mean what is the big deal.Look the guys been married and he knows all that death till we part stuff is crap so why bother?Oh and cutting him off what kind of crap is that?what are you something you can download and use for 6 years then you have to buy?come on! cutting him off? now that's that's high school crap.Who cares about his parents?you want to be with him or them.I know you'd just feel better being married but..marriage is just like b/f g/f but with nastier breakups be happy that you have someone who loves you and stop being so demanding about an outdated ceremony

Answer 6

Plain and simple, Marriage is a un.conditional committ-
by both parties and to make it happen both need to
participate. He may say it's just a piece of paper but that
covers the legality of it only. The morality of it is covered
by the two people involved. If you are really ready to make
that committment and he is not then you need to go on
with your life as it looks as if you are ready to settle down,
Maybe he is not and these different committments will
definately not work in a marriage. Ask him is he ready
to make a committment to you and if he still makes up
excuses then you need to save your love for another.

Answer 7

He probably screwed up his first marriage himself. He wants all the benefits of marriage, but does not want to commit. Why buy the cow, if your getting the milk for free thing. I think it is time for you to move on and search for the life that you deserve. This guy is so self centered and full of himself , he does not care about good morals and what you want, only what he wants. Leave and do not look back. This is not love, this is convenience.

Answer 8

Actually, studies prove time after time that married people are having more frequent sex than singles, and that women in particular express much more satisfaction with their sex lives if they are married. This is true even in comparison to couples who live together but are unmarried. So, with the exception of the dubious "perk" of being able to have casual sex with strangers, it's actually the married couples who are gettin' busy and having great sex lives. I would add that women in any situation - married or single - are not going to be having a lot of sex with a jerk. If a wife has three kids and is exhausted all of the time, she won't feel close enough with her hubby to have a good sex life. This is not what women want, either - they'd prefer to have a husband they can be intimate with. If your wife has zero interest in sex, and she's not pregnant or taking care of a newborn, step up to the plate and get more involved in her life. My husband is a wonderful, involved father, and let me tell you, knowing that he was willing to get up with the baby in the middle of the night, change diapers, and actually talk to me about my life and my feelings, led to a very happy bedroom life. :-) It cracks me up how men complain about how women don't "give them" any, but they refuse to ever compliment her or do a load of laundry. BOO HOO

Answer 9

Marriage is about commitment. Guys don't want to marry if they want an escape hatch. Mind you, divorce is pretty easy these days, but still - commit-aphobes will continue to avoid marriage.

Life sometimes really tries us. If you want someone who is willing to commit unconditionally to you, then things won't ever change with this guy. It's your call, and I don't envy you!

Answer 10

..... your'e running out of time.....If he wont make up his mind,... dump him,..... take a bit of time out,... then check out some dating site's and replace him.... Your'e future son's and daughter's are at stake here.... You've allowed him plenty of free shot's at the target,. and he has'nt even bothered to take 1 single shot.... Re-place him!..... if all he want's to do is waste your time!....