well i have been married for about 2 monthes now...my husband was so loving
before marrage ...we only knew each other for about 1 month chatting...then met
for 1 week then chatting for another 2 monthes then we got married...before
marrage we had no full intercourse only kisses and hugs...and he really had a
great desire in me...yet after marrage he changed a lot...he is no more
romantic...he never asks for sex..i am the one who always asks for it...he is
always distracted ...and i am the one who always asks him to talk with me...any
quarrel between us..he hurts me with very bad words...and although he is wrong
he never asks for forgiveness ...but he makes me feel wrong about it...i found
he knew many girls before me...and i read hot emails he used to write to
them... he says that he loves me..but i feel that he was so romantic with his
previous girlfriends ...and he lost all his romance and desires and love when we
married...that what i feel...i am very depressed
2007-01-02 21:03:15 · 20 answers · asked by caramella 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sweetie, give it time. it takes a whole year to adjust and that is for those couples who have known each other much longer than the two of you.
have patience. even is he had many girlfriends before you....that was the past. it is possible that before you met and married him, you had illusions on how marriage is to be....."with roses and wine and all things fine". but even in fairy tales when they say that they lived happily ever after they do not tell you that while they lived happily ever after there are always little arguments, disappointments, etc. they should say " they lived as happily ever after as they could".
when two people get married or even two people live together, there is a lot of adjustments to make. both of you hardly know one another. give it time, be patient and be more understanding as you would like him to be if the situation was reverse.
one year from now, you will see that both of you have grown and understand each other more. be a good and loving wife and as long as he is a good man who loves you, don't give that up for little things like romance..... you can both work on romance later on when you have adjusted to each other.
2007-01-02 21:28:52 · answer #1 · answered by mrym 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How could you even consider entering into such a serious commitment as marriage after only knowing and "chatting" with each other for only one month? That's hardly even grounds for a friendship let alone something as serious as marriage! Face it. All you were to him was a novelty. His desire for you was like a little kid with a new toy. Problem is you're a person; not some inanimate object who's shelf life has expired. So, what do you expect? Now that he's played with you for awhile you're not new or interesting anymore. Hence the basis of all your anguish and desperation.
Never mind the divorce! You two should get an annulment. This marriage was doomed before it was even thought of. Of all the hap hazard ill conceived notions ever to be invented, this is one hopeless pitiful mess. Shame on you both! This should have never have happened! You both need to grow up and get your heads out of your behinds. When you get out of this disaster (you will because you need to) maybe you will have learned something. To bad it had to come about the hard way.
2007-01-03 06:03:23 · answer #2 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my wife and I think you should get a divorce. The basis of this marriage is too weak; you hardly know one another. You rushed into marriage for whatever reason and now you realize there are no short cuts in life. End it now while you are still young and it is not complicated and learn from this for the future.
My wife has another idea. She says go ahead and get a divorce, do not be married any longer, but try to remain partners. She says clearly there was something there when you first 'met' and maybe without the pressures of a marriage over your heads maybe you will be able to rediscover what that was. Also at the same time you'll be building a much better foundation to build a home upon.
2007-01-03 05:10:29 · answer #3 · answered by avishtevi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably took the marriage seriously and he probably
didn't from what you just told us. Give it a little more time
and communicate with him and let him know exactly the
way you feel and let him know your expectations, and
make sure he respects you. If he is the husband for you
and accepts his committments towards you then he will
change, but if not then the relationship will never work and
hate to say but if you see he is still the same then you
need to seperate to still give the marriage a chance and
during the seperation the relationship is still the same
then you know what the next action is, Never rush into
a marriage relationship until both parties have the same
committments and loyalities toward each other and to find
out if it is for real it takes more than a couple of months.
2007-01-03 05:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married so soon was a definitely bad choice. Very, very hasty choice. Three months then marriage? Honestly, I think that you were too excited in the prospect of having someone to love that you didn't think to ask yourself if you could really love this man forever. And clearly, you just might not be able to.
But you made your decision. You chose this marriage and at least FOR NOW, you have to stick with it. You can't just keep making hasty decisions like this. Meet, marriage, divorce. It can't work that way. Marriage wasn't supposed to be a quick and easy decision and divorce shouldn't be either. Divorce is an easy way out, and if you keep looking at it like this, you're going to end up not caring about working out the problems you have in front of you and losing what could POSSIBLY be a decent and loving marriage.
So this marriage is rather unstable and it's full of maybes and mere possibilities. But you chose it to be this way and you have to find a way to make it work before you decide to quit. From what I can tell, I think it's more about insecurity and miscommunication between you and your husband. Talk to him. Go to counseling, if you think you really need it. But try to work it out and tell him how you feel, that you feel insecure about your relationship.
But for goodness sake, don't make another hasty decision or your life just may be led by them.
2007-01-03 05:09:59 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both jumped into marriage way too fast and barely know each other so it is no wonder there are now communication and intimacy problems. It also sounds like both of you may have been more in love with the idea of being in love than wanting a real relationship, thus why your relationship was steamy when it was via over the internet and not so hot now that you have to deal with each other every day.
There is hope if you both want to commit to make it work and work on building your relationship. Only way to know for sure is to set him down and ask him.
2007-01-03 05:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep checking his emails...without him knowing. Get a keylogger for his computer so you can see what he's been up to while you're not around. Get copies of this information when he's done so you'll have good evidence for a divorce. Also try and get a tape recording of your conversations when he's mean to you. Then file for divorce. Ignore him for a while and if he asks why, just say you don't want to be hurt by him again because you don't want sex or whatever. You haven't known him for very long...he doesn't sound like the type you want to be married to. Find someone else after you get a divorce. Make him pay. Get 1/2 of his assets and none of yours (if you're the richer one). Don't have sex...just in case you might become pregnant. Wish you luck. That's not love.
2007-01-03 05:11:10 · answer #7 · answered by babbles 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the smartest thing to do is to sue for divorce immediately. You've only been married a short time and you already know that this fellow has some sort of personality disorder. Chalk this up to experience - a mistake - perhaps jumping in too quickly. Make an excellent decision and stick with it -that is- end it up quickly as well. Marriage gets more complicated and harder to end with time. So the sooner you take action the easier it will be. Please don't continue to stay with a looser and be unhappy - life is too short! Good luck - and take a longer look next time!
2007-01-03 05:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by gaijinojiisan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he pretended to be someone he thought you would have feelings for and then when he married he could no longer keep up this facad. You haven't been married long enough to where the sex should be waining that suggests cheating. I would leave and chalk it up to a learning experience and maybe next time you will wait longer and get to know a person better before you marry them.
I don't mean to offend you by saying that I have made mistakes myself everyone has. I wish you luck.
2007-01-03 05:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you rushed into a relationship without really knowing eachother. Kind of scary. Marriage is a big commitment and not to be taken lightly. How well do you REALLY know him???
Seek marriage counseling, if he won't go then end the relationship. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. You deserve better treatment than this.
2007-01-03 05:35:10 · answer #10 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋