Has anyone else had to deal with child protective services, with their "no spanking" time outs only rules??!!

Question

2 of my kids just came out of foster care, and I await the other 2. While my kids have been in the "system'" for 9 months, they allowed to get away with murder! CPS has a no spanking policy and they suggest time outs and things of that nature, well my kids aren't having that, and they returned to me and my hubby, loud, demanding, spolied and unruly!

They were not angels before, but being in foster care and not being able to be spanked has made them very hard headed, not to mention the stress of being away from family.

My kids are 2 year old twins, has anyone else been through this? Any suggestions how to deal with my kids? the other 2 are ages 8 and 1years old.

Answer 1

It really sucks--but you are going to have to go along with them on this.

I have never persoaally been involved in this--but I have seen it. In fact, I have done some volunteer work with parents whose children have been wrongly taken away by CPS--so I am not going to make any judgments about your parenting abilities--from your concerns I am actually impressed.

Everyone says my kids are great and well adjusted. But sadly, I know what would happen if CPS ever got a report that there are times when their behavior earns them a few smacks on their bare fanny with a paddle.

Answer 2

I've only dealt with CPS on a professional level, but I will say that you need to kiss up to the social workers, do what they tell you, if you want to keep your children in your custody.

People in the so called helping professions are often know it alls who seem to relish their control over the lives of others. But you are temporarily at their mercy and must play their game if you are to regain custody of your other two children and end court supervision. Think of it as having a very intrusive, and sometimes petty boss.

Ask your social worker for an immediate referral to a parenting class, any free pamphlets she may have, and a reading list of books on effective parenting. Keep the receipts of the books you purchase or check out from the library. You should also check the CPS website for this information, and take a few notes which include the dates you accessed the materials. Keep an attendance record of your parenting classes, and make a note of each time you talk to CPS and the substance of your conversation. Keeping this journal will help you in your custody hearings.

Most important, try some of the techniques you've read about or discussed in class. It's not just a matter of spanking vs. timeouts, there are other tricks and there are different ways to implement each of them. If a particular approach doesn't work with your kids or is impractical, try another!

Even though you may be correct that spanking will work as a method of discipline, is this issue worth losing custody of your children over? Just have faith that other tips and techniques will work. After all, millions of parents do not spank. Watch your kid's behavior and reactions for clues as to what is effective discipline and what is not. Good luck, and don't forget to keep records of your efforts!

Answer 3

All my years growing up, I was spanked and so were my children. The problem today is kids are getting away with TOO much. I remember when my daughter was in school and she started really talking back to me. I went to smack her and right away she said if I hit her she was going to the guidance counselor at school. You want to talk about someone getting angrier??? I don't believe in abusing your children but I also believe in stern discipline. Time out is fine, but kids know how to take advantage of you or anyone else. Take a look around at some of these wild kids today. Alot could use a good spanking. As far as child protective services; when it comes to their rules and the courts, you have to be really careful. We live in a horrible stressful world today and you have to be afraid to do anything. I was trying to raise 4 kids and holding down a full time job years ago and someone called children services on ME because I wasn't home from work EXACTLY when my kids got home from school. People need to mind their own business unless they know all the facts.

Answer 4

I have to say that I agree with 'kiss'. Any chance you are slightly depressed. I dont mean it to be insulting just thinking that sometimes depression has a way of making fuses a bit shorter than they might normally be and thus causing you to be a bit more angry with your kids than normally would be acceptable!
I have not dealt with cps other than to call them on a neighbor. I felt as if they handled the situation pretty well (the kids were removed) and returned shortly after when the convicted felon rapist boyfriend moved! GOOD LUCK, your situation is quite challenging but you can do it!

Answer 5

Time outs work if they are consistent and age related. Older children can assist in developing limits for themselves and consequences for poor behaviour. Consistency in lifestyle, sleep schedules, healthy food and consistent rules and responses to poor behaviour will have the children responding better in short order.

The children came back as they did, testing you and being desirous of the same conditions without spankings as before. What you need to do is skip the spankings and yelling and give yourself and the children time outs to cool down and when either returns and connects with the other if the same behaviours arise its back to time out. Good behaviour needs to be noticed and rewarded, Poor behaviour gets ignored unless dangerous to self or others, but ignored only in so far as your response. Anger is curtailed and in it's stead there are boundaries, limits and time outs.

There are a ton of parenting magazines, books and courses that can assist you. YOu have to open your mind to what they offer though and both you and hubby have to participate for it to work. I wish you great success and happiness with your children. Hang in there

Answer 6

no offense but if your kids have been in foster care for nine months, IT SOUNDS AS IF CPS WAS JUSTIFIED IN TAKING YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE HOME, why on earth would you spank them at those ages. Your twins would have been slightly over a year old when they were taken away and your baby would have been a mere 3 months old? I doubt any of those three children would benefit from a spanking! Of course your kids are going to be 'wild' now, why wouldnt they. They are not able to express their feelings of fear and abandonment the way we as adults can. At the age when they were supposed to be getting hugs and kisses from you, they were yanked out of their world and forced to live with strangers. Could you imagine yourself being yanked away from EVERYTHING and everyone you knew TODAY? imagine that feeling for a BABY!
It would be nice if you could try to be as patient with them as you can, after all it was YOUR behavior that had them removed in the first place. MAYBE YOU COULD ATTEND ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES and a few parenting classes so that you can spot age appropriate behavior and handle it in a way that does not result in abuse if your kids.
I am not one of those tree hugging women. I did spank my kids but I waited until they could understand a directive. That age is of course arguable but ALL would agree that 3 months is way to young as is slightly over a year (could yoru twins even walk?)

I CANNOT THINK OF ANY JUSTIFIABLE REASON FOR YOU TO HAVE TO SPANK YOUR YOUNGER THREE CHILDRERN AT THE AGES THEY WERE NINE MONTHS AGO!

Answer 7

Have you tried asking the foster parents if they did timeouts differently than you are doing them? The littlest thing can make a big difference.

Answer 8

Watch 'SuperNanny' and try her time out tricks. CPS sucks...