What Should I Do? Found Out He,s Married?

Question

I,VE BEEN DATING THIS GUY FOR 1 YEAR AND JUST THIS NEW YEARS DAY, I FOUND OUT HE,S MARRIED. I SAW HIM
WITH HIS WIFE AT A PARTY, WHEN HE TOLD ME HE HAD TO WORK.HE WAS ABLE TO SPEND TIME WITH ME BECAUSE HIS WIFE WORKS NIGHTS AND HE WORKS DAY,S SHOULD I TELL HER WHAT HE HAS BEEN DOING OR LEAVE IT ALONE
AND DEAL WITH IT, I DON,T WANT HER TO HURT AS I AM.

Answer 1

If you are thinking of her, well... I wouldn't want to be the one to decide what was right for her, if I didn't know her... some people would want to find out and others would want to keep the rose-colored glasses on. So since you don't know her, don't try to make this decision for her, the odds are too great you'll chose wrong!

If you're the vindictive type, telling her will hurt *him*, unless she really already knows & accepts his cheating. That's a bit nasty and often it doesn't help in the long run, but it may make you feel better for a bit.

The best for yourself is probably to get away from them both, deal with your own hurt & loss, and don't try to either hurt them or fix their problems for them.... just get away from it all... it'll take time but do your best to forget the loser.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Answer 2

Run run as fast as you can. As for telling the wife would she believe you? How could you date somebody for a year and not know he is married? Well, I think the wife should know so that she could have the opportunity to leave him, but you know there is still the chance she will not believe you. Sometimes wives just cannot see their husbands as the low life they are. You are certainly in a very difficult predicament. Good luck and hope next time you began a relationship you choose better.

Answer 3

Well, you definitely DROP the guy. Just walk away as much as it hurts. If it was me in that position I would have to tell the wife. He has been deceiving her and lying to her this whole time as well. She has a right to know her husband is a cheating, lying poor excuse for a man. Just find the courage and do it. Have evidence on hand because she will probably not want to believe you. She's already hurt. She just doesn't know it yet. Better to let her in on the truth than to have her find out years down the road. He's bound to do it again.

Answer 4

Well now you know that he is married.
Are you able to terminate the relationship? If he truly cares for you and has offered you some form of commitment, then tell him simply that you will see him when he is devoid his extra baggage. As for telling her or not, If on the surface he is a good husband , she will not believe you, and in the end you will most likely see their marriage goes on and you are left on the side. Husbands and wives tend to share a bond where they forgive each other and carry on for many reasons.
If he is a cheating swine, then think this? Even if you get him to be all yours. Will you really be safe in the knowledge that he will not do it again?

Answer 5

Whoa! I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. but you sound like a really smart, and caring person because you're thinking of the wife's feelings as well as your own. that in itself shows great character.
personally I would tell this mans wife exactly what has been going on. and please don't blame yourself for what happened to both you and his wife. you are both victims in this mess, and he's to blame for the whole thing.
I understand that you don't want the wife to be hurt, but she's going to find out sooner or later, and I think it's best that she hears it from someone who does care about her getting hurt. she has every right to know. and telling her is the right thing to do. I know it's never easy when you have to tell someone bad news, but you dated this guy for a year, and you have information to prove that he's been unfaithful. hopefully with the whole thing out in the open, both of you can move on with your lives and find men who actually deserve you.
you're a very brave young lady with a good heart, and I sincerely wish you the very best.

Answer 6

Obviously this man is an excellent liar, or he couldn't have concealed his marriage from you for a whole year. If you plan on telling his wife, it won't do any good, he'll just lie his way out of that situation with her too. Since she will want to believe him, she will. Cut your loses with this dude honey and run. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but facts are facts. He'll have you replaced within a month, lying to some other woman, the same as he lied to you. You've gotten yourself involved with a lying two-timing womanizer. It's happened to many of us.

Answer 7

LEAVE HIM ALONE! I would call or write her an anonymous letter. She may or may not believe you.Joey Buttafuco's wife didn't believe the girl until she was shot.As for hurting her, she has a lot of hurt ahead of her already don't let her lose the youth she has on a louse like that and then again she may decide to stay with him.

Answer 8

Yes you need to tell her truth is the only way anything will be cleared up. Whatever happens at least you will be able to move on with a clear consicience. He sounds like a total dickkk. Remeber being hurt and knowing is better than living a lie and wasting time with someone who you have no future with.
Best of Luck

Answer 9

Definitely close all ties with him. It always befuddles me when I hear of someone marrying the man that she had been having an affair with while he was married to someone else. A man who has done it once will do it again because it means nothing to him and he probably enjoys the excitement.

If a married man says he's unhappy with his wife then why doesn't he leave her? If he says its for the kids, then how much more does an affair hurt? He is just a mouse finding excuses for his little boy feelings of lust.

I think the wife should be told. No woman deserves to be made a fool of by a cheating husband. However, it has to be worse to hear about the affair from the woman he's sleeping with. If it has to come from you, I would try to do it in a letter and say if she would like to meet with her to discuss if further then you are willing.

First of all though, I think it would be very important to get really honest with yourself and check out your motivations for wanting to tell her. You can agree with all the answers that say tell her, she doesn't need the bum, but you need to make sure for your sake, that here isn't another motivation hiding under that one.

Two that I can think of that can cause you more pain in the long run, is first and foremost, are you doing it for revenge? Do you want to hurt him through his wife? Do you want to hurt her to help your pain feel better?

Revenge comes from bitterness in the heart and bitterness only destroys the person who has it in their heart. Bitterness destroys a heart/person faster than any other emotion, including hatred. Taking revenge on someone is not a cure for bitterness. Taking or wanting revenge is a serious problem that needs to be quickly dealt with and let go, but not by taking revenge. That method will hurt you the most in the long run.

The second one that would surely cause you more harm in the long run is if you are wanting to tell her so she will leave him and then he will be all yours? No matter what your feelings are for him, this is the time to think with your head because if he did marry you, no matter how much you try to tell yourself it will be different and he won't do it to you, you are only fooling yourself.

One day you will be the wife hearing some young girl tell you she's been sleeping with your husband and its already been established; no woman deserves that.There is just no way he is going to stay faithful with any woman he marries.

Not wanting to be cruel in any manner because I'm sure you are hurting enough as it is, but saying, I don't want her to hurt as I am, is what leads me to think there may another motivation involved. Normally, when we are hurting, especially when it has to do with love and feeling rejection, which there is some rejection involved with this kind of situation, even if you are going to be the one intiating the break-up, this sort of statement many times is a way to justify the revenge that is lying underneath the hurt feelings.

So for your sake and your sake alone in this matter, because right now, you are the only one that matters; what do you need to get through this, and how can you get through this in the most healthiest manner, are the questions you need to be asking first. Then with absolute honesty, try to discover your true motivation in wanting to tell her, because it really as little to do with her feelings. Often, we can even feel anger toward the wife even though she has had nothing to do with it.

Only through maintaining honest actions will help you to heal in a healthy manner. Any other way will only compund the issue and cause more pain.

You can always send a male friend to the wife to tell her. I think she could take it far better through that than through you. She may be the type that will leave him, never want to see you, and will get on with her life. If your feelings are true in not wanting to hurt her, you might seek this method first and your male friend can advise her that if she wants to meet, you're willing.

I wish you the very best, especially peace in your heart so you can go into your next relationship whole and healthy.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

He deserves to have his balls cut off!
I am so sorry for you really I am.
His wife will eventually get hurt, it may not be now but it will all catch up to this guy. He sounds like a real ******. Hang in there girl. And try and just move on and don't look back.