Hard time coping?

Question

I'm having a terrible time coping about a guy I was w/ for a year & half. When we were together he told me he wanted to commit suicide. It was an ongoing issue so I recommended he talk to a professional but he wanted to talk to only me. I tried my hardest to help him.Come to find out he kept a secret that he had a child he never met w/a one night stand before we met.I helped him come to terms with it & when he finally met the child he ended our relationship to pursue one with the mother of his child. I found all this out when I was in the hospital this past summer.I was pretty ill & the response I got was never to call him again.There after he manipulated me into thinking I aided him into going back to the mother because I told him he should be a part of his child's life. They r not together anymore.But I'm having an awful time dealing w/ how he treated me after I helped him with his serious threats of suicide. Ironically, i'm seeking prof. help b/of this:( I'm not looking for sympathy

Answer 1

This man did a job manipulating your feelings. He sounds like he has sociopath tendencies and you are lucky to be rid of him. I am glad to hear that you have sought help to deal with these emotional issues. Getting involved with this type of personality is difficult to get over because of the webs of deceit they weave leaving you unsure of what to think. Your therapist will help you process these feelings and don't feel bad for trying to help another person. There are individuals like this man who thrive on taking advantage of others but you were just trying to help. I promise that you will be able to deal with this better with every day that passes. Whatever you do don't start up another relationship with him because this will certainly spell doom. You are making all the right choices now and the best of luck. Just look it as a learning experience.

Answer 2

Everyone can say "get over it" but until you realize that this man manipulated you, lied to you and then blamed you when you didn't deserve it, you're going to continue feeling bad. You tried to help, but you can't get caught up in his game, and I'm very glad you're seeking help for this.

Don't view yourself as the victim, you are the Survivor, you made it out albiet missing a little self-esteem. You really need to work on the self-esteem.

Another thing I would work on is how you self-talk -- a book that can help you with this is "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns, MD. Its the short version to cognitive therapy and can be found online or in many book stores. It comes in paperback and is about $8 at Barnes and Noble.

Good Luck, you'll get through this, but it'll take a little time.

Answer 3

The guy sounds like poison and the best thing I can tell you is to stay away from him before he pulls down any lower, which unfortunately he has. He has a lot of issues that he has to deal with, and there is a time that a person has to stand on their own two feet. I wished I could tell you that man is so head over heels in love with you it makes his head spin; only that isn't the case. It Will never be the case. The most important thing right now for you to do is to put you self first - leave him alone.

Answer 4

I had a similar situation:
I dated a coke-head for 2 years. I kept her alive- Trips to he hospital, breakdowns, fights all kinds of crazy things-- I was in love and I truly wanted to help. I moved cross the country, I left my friends and my family b/c-- I was told we'd be together forever. NOT the case. I left 2 months after my "Beloved" to have our "drug-free-dream-life" in the warm Calif. sun. Long story short everything went to crap in less than a week. I was out of money and sleeping a strangers couch.

My point: Its life. Nothing / No One is guaranteed to be together forever. Love hurts. think positive (I know it's easier said than done) but if you keep at it Things will turn around. You helped him, you saved his life, a little kid has a dad now. The world needs more caring people like yourself. There's someone else out there for you.

Also: in agreeing w/ Jayma for the top of the page, don't waste your time w/ psychologist. Don't pay money to someone so they can tell you, your "crazy" or "wrong"or "dysfunctional" b/c you not, your human and you had an experience that you don't know how to handle. When I get stuck on a situation, I write about it. Anything that comes out, I just let it go. And I keep writing about it until it makes sense to me. Find what works for you! Good luck!

Answer 5

This is a difficult situation. I get the impression that you have some respect for these people, but you want freedom to make up your own mind and don't want to be hassled. That's fair enough. I myself do not believe in the word-for-word truth of the Bible, but I believe in God and the true teachings of Jesus, some of which are in the Bible. What is not clear is what teachings in particular you are unhappy with: are you fundamentally questioning the existence of God, or only an interpretation of God as explained to you by the JWs? Perhaps a solution is to learn the truth for yourself and then be in a position to argue the points with the JWs: however, this may be easier said than done! If you want to discuss specific issues further, feel free to e-mail me in private.

Answer 6

Be thankful you helped save a person's life, no matter how uncaring he may be.

Decide today that you won't allow that man's sickness to swallow up your happiness. Don't let his misery seep into your life. He still owns you right now, but you can cut that off today.

Be happy and enjoy life. While you're hurting, you're missing out on the joys of this world.

Answer 7

This guy sounds like bad news.Your better off with out him.him telling you aided him into getting together with mother.Reminds me of how my ex. wife said i caused her to cheat on me with co worker.by confronting her with wanting to do this co worker.Anyway your not alone follow advice above worry about your self.All the energy your consuming is hurting only you he feels none of it.The suicide threat might of just been a manipulation to so when he told you the truth you would not leave him.my ex.used same ploy.good luck.

Answer 8

You should encourage him to seek help and you should probably continue to do so. I hate to say it but watch out many shrinks are messed up. Be sure you find one who is compatable.