My husband has been having an affair with someone he worked with. I discovered on new years day texts and voicemails she sent to him the night before. I confronted him and he didn't deny it even though he has in the past, he says it is me he loves and that he has been stupid. I also contacted the husband of the women my husband cheated with and he also suspected something was going on, we have been talking to each other and updating each other on what our cheating spouses have been saying, needless to say our spouses aren't to happy with this, but tuff!! at this point I don't care what they think. What should I do, my husband now is very contrite but I don't know if I trust what he says as he has lied to me in the past although this time they couldn't lie their way out .
2007-01-02 17:22:41 · 16 answers · asked by mishamum 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to first calm down and get your self together! I had the same thing happen to me not even two months ago. I am just getting to a point were i can think out what i need to do. It is very hard to trust some one lieing over and over! He Told me they stop talking and he keep going on. Just pull your self together and do what is best for you. If You would like to talk some more you could im or email. Good luck and god bless!
2007-01-03 07:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're angry and it sounds like your not planning on leaving him. I don't think that contacting the husband of the woman your husband had the affair with is a very good idea. A relationship can completely differ on the inside what it looks like from the outside - as with your marrage...
I personally don't believe in situations like these that the details are all that important - all they do is create more hurt and offer nothing towards a solution...
Why your husband had the affair is the important thing... my advise would be to get some counselling mainly because you never mentioned leaving him once in your post.
2007-01-02 23:37:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd get serious about a separation. An immediate separation will let him know you mean business and you demand respect.
Let him figure out if he wants to fight for you and the marriage. Then insist on counseling and don't get back together unless he works darn hard for months to earn back some trust. This will not be resolved soon and it will take monumental effort on both parts if there is to be any healing about this transgression.
If he's a "repeat offender," then he should hit the road and not come back! One last thing, think about the health implications for all parties.
2007-01-02 17:28:52 · answer #3 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him be contrite, you are the one who is hurting, and he is ashamed of being caught! But you know what...stand up for yourself now!
If you love him enough to forgive and forget. I have learned one thing in life, you have to be COMFORTABLE with the person you are with!
Once the comfort is lost, the love is lost. The old adage once a cheat, always a cheat, I don't believe, I believe people can change, but you have to be able to talk to each other and have that comfort to delve into each others feelings.
There are lots of fish in the sea, and just because you are connected with one, doesn't mean you can't be connected to someone who wouldn't cheat on you, even though it sucks to start over again...talk, listen both ways.
He needs to be just as open as you and you BOTH need to deal with why it happened.
2007-01-02 17:27:25 · answer #4 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
MY HUSBAND CHEATED!
I caught him and I stayed....why?
I had a myriad of reasons, the house, the kids, etc.
He was contrite and all of that.........it too was someone at work so we MOVED (I couldnt take him seeing her everyday...). He never really changed, he just got better at it!
FIVE years later, he did it again (no let me restate that, five years later I found out again. The lord only knows how long it was going on.
FIve years wasted with only myself to blame.
screwed thing was he has a son from a previous affair (before I met him) this MF came to live with us treated me like crap for 3 years. I put up with that shyt because I loved him.
LMAO@ ME!
If I had to do it all over again, That child would have been in foster care and I would have left hangers and poles in the house when he got home from work!
I wasted five MORE years of my life trying to trust someone who was untrustworthy! I cant get that time back but I long for that time as I could have been working on my own life instead of trying to build a house in the sand.
Once the trust is gone, you will spend most of your waking time wondering if you are getting played again! Is he really at work, is he having lunch with her. Does he really have to work late/go out of town etc.
My aszzhole husband had this **** in MY car! (the one that I paid for)
NOT saying that every man is the same but I really think that you should cut bait!
I cheated on my husband for revenge and that was fun but it was just revenge. After the fun of watching my husband feel the way that I felt, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness came over me. The guy was just a man that I picked up at a bar. NO one that you could build a life around. I ended up using him (not that he complained about getting drama free sex) but I was slowing starting to turn into the type of person my husband was/is.
Please leave while you can. This has changed you, staying will make you less of who you are.
If your husband had his affair at work, he is still going to have to see her everyday. Think about all of the lies that he had to tell to turn this into a love affair.
I was hurt more by the emotional attachment he had to this woman more than the physical.
This woman knew things about me that I had told to my husband in confidence.
I WILL NEVER EVER recover from that level of betrayal. He couldnt have done a worse thing to me if he would have taken an arrow and run it right thru me~
It is a character issue
my husband has none and sounds like yours doesnt either.
WHen his mom died, I was like FUKK You take her with you~ but even that did not make me feel any better.
I hate him and wish he would die tommorrow
Dont allow yourself to become me!
LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN!
while he is feeling all contrite
make him sign over all his shyt
GOOD LUCK!
You did not deserve this!
2007-01-02 17:49:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this:
Can I ever trust him again?
Can I stop checking on him and her?
If not then you need to get a divorce. It's best to find someone that will love and respect you then be with someone you aren't sure that is.
2007-01-02 20:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try some threats. Maybe move out for a little while and file for a separation and gauge his reaction.
You'll meet someone better. S.hit, go out with the cheating woman's husband.
2007-01-02 17:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Famous saying...." Cheaper to keep her." I think he will put the Knee pads on and beg for your understanding and forgiveness because he has alot to loose...like HALF of everything. I wouldn't believe him on a " stack of Bibles" and I'd say you have been Waaayyyy fair and patient. There are always reasons/causes and you might think about marriage counseling, but my knee jerk reaction from past history ( his ) say bye,bye and have a good life.
2007-01-02 17:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
How do you be attentive to they're sluts? If he's including them to a social networking web site, that doesn't propose he's having intercourse with them. because of the fact which you do not have faith him, get some form of secret agent-ware on your computing device to work out what he does on line. extra effective yet, purely divorce him because of the fact which you do not have faith him.
2016-12-15 14:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by hayakawa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't trust a cheater.
If you give him another chance, it will only be another chance for him to cheat. Don't enable it, and don't allow yourself to get hurt like this again. You don't deserve it (nobody does).
2007-01-02 17:38:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋