I lost my Father to suicide this year and its still effecting me!?

Question

I just recently lost my father. he commited suicide. the word suicide brings chillils throught out my body..its been 6months how can i easy the thoughts? how can i tell ppl how he died without them casting judgement?

Thank u guys for the help

Answer 1

I want to give you my condolences. You are going through much sorrow, I'm sure of that. I don't think you owe anyone an explanation. You can talk about it only when you feel the need. If someone asks you say "it is hard to talk about." If anyone presses you about it, they are not considering your feelings. Just change the subject. I hope you will seek professional counseling. Many times your work place or school will have free therapists provided. I am praying for you and your family as I type this.

Answer 2

There is no easy way to feel better. I can promise you this, it will get better. Everyone handles the loss of someone close differently. I lost my mother 4 years ago, and to this day I will cry when I think of her.

As for how to tell people, simple answer, don't. It's no one's business. If you talk with an old friend and it comes up in conversation, all you have to say is you lost your father. Or that your father passed away this year. Generally, a well mannered person will give their condolences and be done with the topic. If they insist on knowing the details, just let them know that its too soon for you to talk about it, or that he died of complications. Something generalize.

Unfortunately, our society is judgemental. The first knowledge that someone commited suicide will be, well, they must have been a mental case. But they don't know what is going thru that peron's mind at that time.

Regardless. I'm so very sorry for your loss. If you are having a hard time dealing with it, there are many places to turn. Grief counselors are usually provided through hospitals, or if you are religious, through your church. Talk to your family doctor. They will always be there to help.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Nobody can control how other people make their judgments. Fortunately some people can make good judgements. What you do need to do though is talk about what has happened, at least with those you feel comfortable with. Don't keep it all bottled up. Most people will be sympathetic and will genuinely try to understand. Beyond that, I say "let the chips fall where they may" and you will be surprised at the amount of support you will receive.

I think you should also *seriously* consider getting some professional counseling. That could be extremely helpful to you because, for one thing, you will be able to talk things over in a completely safe and non-judgemental environment. And that is something you are needing. The sooner the better. You can find some very good counseling for free. You can get some confidential references from a church or school, or from your county health department. One way or another you CAN get some good support to help you through this very difficult time.

--A Dad who cares and understands

Answer 4

First of all, my deepest sympathies for your loss. Six months is a very short time and not nearly enough time to fully cope with such a tragedy. My heart goes out to you.
One way that you can ease your thoughts and hurt, is to try to see things through the eyes of your Father. Try to find out what drove him to it (for example, was it financial reasons, was it the loss of another loved one, etc.) and try to find the cause of it. Do not place blame, (such as do not say "it is this person's fault for not giving him the loan, etc.) and know that at that time, that was what he felt was best for everyone. Know that he loved you, no matter what his choices were (at the time, he had to feel that suicide was the only choice he had left, a choice that would be best for everyone).
The best way to tell people how he died without them casting judgement, is to say "unfortunately things became to overwhelming, and he felt this was the best solution at that time." And then follow that by focusing on the positive "He was a good man, who had alot of friends and people who cared. We will really miss him."

Anyone who has any compassion at all will not pass judgement, but will show empathy and care.

Good luck in your mourning and your healing-- it will be a long road, but I have a strong feeling that you have the strength to get through this tough time.

Answer 5

Find a support group, preferrably a church group, maybe even a small one that meets in someone's home.
Open up, be honest and tell the truth.

You still have to process through this, and it may take a long time.
My parents divorce affected every single child in the family, and some to this day (30+ years later). Give it time and don't hide your feelings, fears and anguish.

Answer 6

first,you are in mourning,trust me it will take time but it will pass,your emotions are very raw right now,and any decisions you make at the moment are still being effected by this,its tough to answer people when they ask how he died,look them right in the eye and say he killed himself,dont dwell on why,let them think what they will because they can only discern it from their own experience....the biggest and hardest part is to get past your own guilt and stop asking yourself"could I have done more".My little brother passed away last september,he was 39 years old and we beat the **** out of each other all the time,He was an alcoholic and he had pretty much blown his pancreas out 5 years ago and almost died.I remember that night because I yelled at him,and told him I wish he would die for what he was putting our mother through,well he almost did,when he got out of the hospital 3 months later,he quit drinking,he stayed off of booze for five years,but we both did everything else to get high,Then in august of last year,he started drinking again,and i chose to go through rehab,this caused problems between us,what I didnt know and what he didnt tell any of us,was because of his prior hospitalization,he had an artery near his liver that was slowly degrading and internally bleeding,causing him a lot of pain,at the same time I was pushing all the people out of the house drinking and using drugs and he was bringing them right back,so we ended up selling the house we were at and trying to set him up to grow up and let go of the apron strings,he kept telling us we dont understand,and he made life very difficult during that time.He always told me he was dying ,and I always thought he was just looking for attention,it still hurts very much cause with all our problems,we were close,and I miss him dearly,he was 6'3" and stronger than anyone I'd ever seen,I was the brainy one...so please,take the time to remember the good things about your father,the rest doesnt matter..God bless you and I'm very sorry for your loss

Answer 7

you are stil in mourning for your father...no matter how he died...he was still your father....keep yuorself busy and occupied..it will get easier as time passes dont worry....dont worry about other ppl and what they think about him commiting suicide....concentrate on your own well being...other people have no right to judge...only god has that right...

Answer 8

look up compassionare friends group[