Okay..you and some friends car just broke down on a lonely road. The nearest house is known for being haunted

Question

Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these phrases?
1. Now don't panic when I tell you this, but I think something is standing next to you.
2. Naturally, it's beginning to rain.
3. Give me ten minutes, ten lousy minutes.
4. Only a drunken,infantile idiot, believes in ghosts.
5. The great news is....hmmm...can't think of a thing.
6. Fortunately I know Karate.
Oh,good......like that is going to scare off ghosts!!

Answer 1

Gossip travels fast in a small town especially when murder is involved. Ruth Mae Blevins was found laying on the road not more than 50 feet from the abandoned Dallier house. Blood had saturated her pretty blond hair.

I should introduce myself. My name is David David. Yes I have the same first and last name. Apparently my parents weren't very creative when it came to naming their only child. I'm the Captain of the Oxford Junction police department and with me is John Peters who writes for the Iowa Free Press. We were sitting at our local saloon having a beer when Sally Brown came running in to tell us about the murder. Needless to say we had to stop drinking and go back to work.

We were about 1 mile from the murder when John's car began to sputter and stopped. Figured it probably ran out of gas as it wouldn't be the first time John forgot to put any in. There was nothing we could do but walk the rest of the way. As we walked the dark winding road, I was thinking this wouldn't have happened had we taken my car, but what's the point of whining about it now? I did make a mental note to start carrying the cell phone that my ex wife gave me for Christmas two years ago.

I stopped by the old Willow tree along the road to relieve the pressure that was pushing against my bladder. All of a sudden John said "Now don't panic when I tell you this, but I think something is standing next to you". I hurried and zipped my pants and looked around but didn't see a thing. Of course I thought John was fooling with me because we had been talking about the Dallier house being haunted. He attempted to laugh it off but I could tell that something had spooked him - spooked him real bad.

We were now four blocks from the murder and naturally, it's beginning to rain so we picked up our pace. I was getting wet, tired and still wondering what had occurred by the old Willow tree. Was wishing the storm would give me ten minutes, ten lousy minutes before it started to pour - but guess I'm just not that lucky as all of a sudden it was raining so hard that I'm sure even John was wishing he had put gas in his car.

We finally arrived at the murder and found that Ruth Mae had already been removed. The rival reporter from the SUN Nancy Fulbright was just finishing up talking to one of the people milling about. She saw us and came over and asked what had happened to us? I should tell you that John has had a schoolboy crush on Nancy so instead of keeping things to himself, he told her everything. That didn't go over well as she remarked that only a drunken, infantile idiot, believes in ghosts or something to that nature. The great news is ...hmmm... can't think of a thing except for I won't have to walk back to my car as Nancy said that she will give us a ride.

As we drove back to the saloon we passed the old Willow tree. I told Nancy and John that I'm going to come back tomorrow night to try to find out what spooked John. Something was out there and I want to find out what. Fortunately I know Karate I told them both to try to lighten the mood. John looked at me, shook his head and said "Oh good...Like that is going to scare off ghosts"!!

Answer 2

If you' trusted' them, (I regard the word 'trust' as a very serious state), then you obviously regarded them very highly. When they destroyed that trust, there treachery really mattered and it hurt. It hurt so much that you really never believed that it could happen, and it's very difficult to ever forget it. You can however in time forgive the friend for being so bloody stupid, but you will never forget the incident. If after this, that friend ever again make the same idiotic mistake, then not only would the friendship be terminated, but you would doubt your own judgment for ever forgiving the sod. The natural action would be to beat his head in, but this action is frowned upon in a lawful society, and you would never get the stain out of the carpet. This makes one very cautious.

Answer 3

You've just given me a horrible Rocky Horror Picture Show flashback. I'll answer later after I do the Time Warp again....

Answer 4

We had spent the past ten days drinking each night until four in the morning and were all more than a bit hung over. Oddly enough, Seannie was the one who lifted our spirits and was outside the tent cooking up a massive fry on two primus stoves. He was actually singing. It then dawned on me - he and Lucy had made it up after the split and everything in the garden was now roses. The snoring from the other tent indicated that Lucy and Katherine were still in the land of nod.
'What do you reckon Mick - what's on the menu today' Seannie asked as I stuck my head out the tent flap. 'Lay off Seannie' I could hardly speak 'and for God's sake give us a cup of tea. I am never going to drink Guinness ever again after last night'. My head was thumping. 'Is it raining out there' I asked, not really expecting an answer. 'Naturally, it's beginning to rain' Seannie answered 'it always rains on Achill Island. Last time we were here it only rained twice - the first time for three days and the second time for seven' Seannie laughed and I joined him remembering that trip.
'Right gang' Seannie called as he rattled a spoon against a saucepan 'Rise and shine - brekky time' he called into Lucy's tent. 'Awe come on Seannie' Lucy sounded worse than me 'give us ten minutes, ten lousy minutes and we will be with you. Katherine is the colour of death warmed up'.
Fifteen minutes later, as we sat around, the rain having stopped and the sun beginning to burn, Seannie dished out the fry up. It nearly made me sick, but hunger is a great thing. Sausages, black and white pudding, eggs, beans, fried bread all overcooked and partially burnt was enough to make one sick, but with the rarified air of the Atlantic ocean blowing at our backs, I am quite sure we would have eaten peat from the nearby bog we were in such a bad way.
'Right' said Seannie 'the itinerary for today is fantastic. We are keeping out of the pubs until ten tonight and the great news is....hmmm...can't think of a thing'. I slapped Seannie around the ear, gently of course, whilst Lucy tried to grab his bum. Seannie broke free and made a Bruce Lee stance 'Stan back you animals, fortunately I know Karate. And if that don't stop you, some of this red hot grease in the pan will'. We all lay back and had a good laugh.
Another ten minutes after he had a wash in the local stream, we got into the car and away we went. Now, I might point out at this stage that Achill Island is a very small place on the West side of County Mayo, just north of Galway. It is absolutely beautiful and wild. I suppose there are only about a thousand people living there in scattered villages but it has a past history that can make the hair stand up on the back of your neck.
'I have a brilliant idea' I said to the group 'I know where we will go'. Seannie butted in and was quickly joined in chorus by Katherine 'Of course you know where we are going. You're doing the driving. You are like that coach driver in Dublin who kept winning the 'guess the destination of the mystery tour'. Where to Robbo' they asked.
'Up Slieve Mor to the deserted village'. This is a village of old cottages that was once a thriving community up to 1918. It was struck by the Spanish Flu and the majority of the inhabitants died. Others fled and never returned. The local cemetary has tombstones listing the families, grandparents, parents and children all dead. A more eerie a place, I doubt you could find elsewhere on the planet.
We parked the car and began to stroll down the main street. Lucy went into one of the corner houses. Although derelect, you could walk from room to room and imagine what went on in each. Seannie went to join her when suddenly I heard him scream 'Now don't panic Lucy when I tell you this, but I think something is standing next to you. I think it is a ghost'. Lucy just sneered back at him 'Only a drunken, infantile idiot, believes in ghosts'. However as I got near, I too could see a shadowy figure to her right.
Seannie with his bravado had gone up to protect Lucy and obviously knew what the 'thing' was. 'Once again Lucy' he boldly said 'fortunately, as I said before, I know Karate' Lucy slapped him on the head and nervously said 'Oh good...like that is going to scare off ghosts'. She then ran as fast as she could out the door. Seannie had his hand over his mouth stifiing a laugh.
'Geeze Seannie' I shouted at him 'I'm not joking, but something has come through the bloody wall'. To this day, I am totally convinced that something did, whether or not it was a trick of the light but I would swear on the Bible that it did.
Seannie saw the look in my face and did not even look, he raced past me and grabbed Lucy. They were making a bee-line for the car. 'Where the hell is Katherine' I shouted and began to look in the houses on either side of me. No sign of her. My stomach began to churn and I thought I would be sick.
'Lucy' I shouted 'you get in the car. Seannie start searching. She might have had an accident'. 'Or a ghost' he stuttered back to me. 'Cobblers' I said as I entered another derelect.
Suddenly I heard Lucy 'Quickly' she was calling 'come back'. We both ran back to the car to find Lucy pointing to the rear where on looking we could see Katherine having the sleep of her life wrapped up in a travelling blanket.
We all jumped in and I started the engine. At least, I tried to start the engine. No luck, it was not going anywhere. I looked at the instrument panel and sure enough we were out of petrol. 'Leave it' Seannie shouted as he got out and there we were, four adults, all running down the road as fast as our legs could carry us.
Would you believe me if I told you that the car remained in the deserted village for nearly two days until we could get another holidaymaker to give us a lift with some petrol to collect it. And I'll tell you something, when we did, we went nowhere near any of the houses...............