Okay so I have been with this guy for one year and we are talking about marriage but there is a problem one day I want kids and all though he hasnt completely ruled it out I dont know what I should do.This month we had a scare I thought I was pregnant (false alarm)and his reaction angered me deeply.He said he wasnt ready well Im not either but he was like if you keep it i wont be the father and we cant be or even be friends I will have no ties to either of you i dont want kids I dont think Im suppossed to have kids like I know im not gay.He said my only other options were to "fix it" or give it up. I coulnt do that i just couldnt ! Im adopted and I wish so bad I knew where I came from .I coulnt just make it go away like that its not that simple to me .If im mature enought to understand that when I have sex I could get pregnant than I should take care of my responsibility . Anyway I dont know what to do about this.What happens if we get married and get pregnant then what?? HELP!!!!
2007-01-02 16:06:10 · 20 answers · asked by cutelittlecoconut 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Be thankful there is still time to get out of the relationship. Look for a guy who is willing to marry you and have children with you. They are out there. You don't want to have children without a dad.
2007-01-02 16:20:36 · answer #1 · answered by AspiringLadyWisdom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something like this happened to me when I was 19 or 20, and I am now 50. Think for yourself, but here is my opinion based on my experience. 1. Most guys his age are not that attractive when you are 19. However, your hormones are telling you to seek a mate, and those hormones are making you less discerning. 2. A man in a relationship with children who is fooling around has integrity issues and is taking advantage of you. You deserve better. 3. Let's say this continues and you actually do marry him. How do you raise a child only 9 years younger than you? 4. His friends will be his age, and their wives may not respect you. This may deprive you of a peer group of married people you can both entertain, and can be very lonely. 5. If the relationship lasts until you are 30, your age difference may finally become less significant, but that phase will end and you will have an elderly spouse long before you are elderly yourself. My advice is to find someone your own age who acts older rather than an immature older man.
2016-03-29 05:29:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say drop him like a hot potato. If you decide you also don't want kids, then you can have surgery, but it's better if the man gets a vasectomy. If he is really considerate and is certain that he never wants kids then this is what he should do.
Being child-free is a very positive thing. Check out the child free sites on the internet. There's plenty of positive things about deciding to not have kids. In any case, his treatment of you was disrespectful. Does he treat you this way when you are ill as well?? He may lack empathy, which is a very bad sign.
Good luck.
2007-01-02 16:13:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is dead set against having children, and you know that you want children some day, then it's time to end the relationship. Hanging on and hoping he will change his mind will only cause you heartache in the end. There are just some people that do not want children. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as they are honest about it from the beginning of a relationship, and their partner feels the same way. Expecting someone to change just because you want them to doesn't work. You either accept them they way they are, or find someone who suits your needs and desires in life.
2007-01-02 16:44:14 · answer #4 · answered by Suzy Q 59 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your love for him, stronger than your desire to have children in the future? If the answer is no, move on. He is not willing to compromise his decision regarding children, so there is no reason for you to put your needs last. On a different note, he is being "honest" with you. It may not be what you want to hear, but that is how he feels. I don't think people who don't want children should have them.
If you marry him knowing this is not what you want, you are not being honest with him or yourself, and if you ever got pregnant it "could" cause resentment. Most importantly, do you really want your children to grow up with a father who "could" possibly be indifferent or distant towards them? It'll hurt if you two seperate, but time heals all. There are other men who would love you, and desperately want children. I hope this helps, and that things work out for you.
2007-01-02 16:20:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're entitled to your own preferences and standards as to what you look for in a future spouse. This guy doesn't sounds like he fits the bill and if you stay with him hoping that he'll change when you marry, it'll only be worse. Never expect marriage to change anyone, it only magnifies what you see in them now. Especially how he has threatened to not take responsibility for a child that may be his, you're endangering yourself to become a statistic of divorce if you stay with this guy. I can't tell you what to do because it's easier said than done, only that you have the right to be happy and be with someone who cares enough about your happiness before his own. If having children someday contributes to that happiness and the person you're considering spending your life with is against it, then he does not deserve you. Make yourself available for someone better who does.
2007-01-02 16:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by kakolikapiha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than this. he has already showed you what his reactions will be. If he does not want children, why make yourself and the child's life miserable later by making him a father, he might end up being the father from hell. Even a adopted child, can be raised by a single parent. If you love children this much, that is so good, but be careful who you make that child's father. Hope you find your equal soon, he is not even in your league. You are better.
2007-01-02 16:13:17 · answer #7 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wanting or not wanting children is important--and having opposite views on the issue may mean that you are incompatible to be in a relationship together. I honestly think it would be hard to be happy when you have such different priorities. You said that you were deeply angered by his reaction to your pregnancy scare, and that reaction should be indicative to you that you need to seriously question the future of this relationship. Hope this helps!
2007-01-02 16:12:31 · answer #8 · answered by radioflyer57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't feel comfortable with his reaction either. To know that a man who's supposed to be in love with me and wanting to marry me, who is partly responsible for the pregnancy scare is saying that he would not be a part of the childs life and help raise it and be a father to it sickens me and reminds me of my own blood father.
I don't think I could stay commited to a relationship that isn't agreeable to children. Don't ever marry a man that doesn't know what he wants in regards to children, you may live to regret it hun. You both have to be on the same page!
2007-01-02 16:11:28 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please re-read what you just wrote. Sounds like you know the answer.You deserve to be loved and have the family you want ,with the person who wants the same thing.Better you know before the wedding..Get out now,It will hurt, but think of the pain and misery he will inflict once you do get pregnant and have this baby. Children are Blessings and the family they are invited into should both Want & Love them. God Bless...
p.s. where did the gay comment come from?
2007-01-02 16:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by mean evil woman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋