What should I do?

Question

Here is my story,
This happened last year when I was 17.
One day I had nothing to do so I decided to watch some of the videos that my parents typed when I was small. Such as: Birthday, special occasions and etc. (My parents were not at home at that time) After watching the second one, when I got the third one, I accidentally got the video type of my parents having 3-somes sex. I was really shocked. I cried and at night time I had some kind of heart attack that my father took me to the hospital.
So, I should I do?? I am absolutely disgusted after watching my father having sex with another woman. And, now that is one year later, I still hate my parents, I call them names like: Bi*ch, as*hole, sex addict and other nasty names.
I have talked to my parents about it and they tell me that they are very sorry and blah blah blah but as you all know, this is not only “sorry” that can heal my pain and suffering. They tell me to forget it and move on with my life and Sh*t like that.
H E L P?

Thanks guys, I have read all of your answers.
But, don't you think they are really pathetic? They taught me that I need to have self-respect, morals, values. and obviously having 3-somes sex is not allowed. And, there they go and do it. Isn't this really unfair for me? I know is not of my business and at first I did tell myself that it is their adult stuff and I won't mention to them. But, at the end I just couldn't take it so I told them! Is unfair, if I go to a councilor, what help would they do? Would they think I’m crazy???

P.S. I didn't watch the whole disgusting type......

Answer 1

Relax a little bit.
Don't go and is a psychologist because they may end up sending you to a mental hospital.
Try writing diary? letting your feelings on writing is good too.
You know, you're the one who is suffering if you do not get over it so try to be happy as much as possible.
P.S. you should respect your parents no matter what.
I hope you get better soon.

Answer 2

Hi. I am sorry you stumbled over such private material. I think that couldnt have happened if your parents were more careful. It must have been very traumatising to go through it. I am sorry about it, really sorry. However, my being sorry won't help you much. What you can do is to pick up all your broken pieces. Approach your parents again. Talk to them. Tell them exactly how you feel about it. Tell them how bad you are hurting. Tell them what you think about them. Ask them if there is no any other way they can do it. Make sure you sound like you CANNOT and are not ready to put up with such! At the same time, be extremely polite. They are your parents. And still remain. They deserve some respect. Yes, the situation is bad, but sweetie, please put it together. Time heals. Meanwhile, please try to seek some medical assistance. When all has been said and done, focus on forgiveness. It may be hard to forgive, now that you are still hurting. Until you stop hurting that much, I think you will be ready to embrace your parents. But focus on forgiveness. No matter how long it will take. Do forgive them; for that is the very first step to your recovery.

Answer 3

I agree- what is done is done. Just because they committed this act at a certain time in their lives, it doesn't mean that they still do it. I can't imagine what a shock it was to you when you discovered this. What else do you want them to do? All they can do, sweetie, is say that they are sorry. Maybe the three of you should participate in some type of family counseling. Bottom line is, people are not perfect, they are bound to mess up at one time or another. Granted, your parents chose a strange way to mess up; but again, what is done is done. I would try to seek some type of counseling that maybe will help you through this. I wish I knew the magic words, but I am sorry, I don't. About the only thing that I think you can do, is accept that it happen, have them to reassure you that this behavior is not happening now and try to put it pass you. That is about the only thing that you can do. Calling them names is not going to change what has happened. You can be the better person here by realizing that they made a really big mistake, that it is a mistake and forgive them for it. I did not say forget it, but try to forgive them for it. Good luck to you- please don't let this control your life anymore.

Answer 4

Burn the tape lol. I honestly don't know how to answer this. It's more of a family issue. It's normal to resent your parents and have these feelings. You can't easily forget about these things, and I am sure they are "sorry" and most of all embarrassed! They should've been wiser on where they put their tapes, goodness lol. I would be throwing up every day of my life!

Maybe you should see a counselor until the anger and stuff simmers? It is a traumatising situation and I think you had an anxiety attack not a heart attack..they are very similar but with an anxiety attack it doesn't show up on tests and stuff. You experieces a stressful scenario..and you could possibly develop PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) so I would highly advise you to go see a counselor..or family therapy if u want to go down that road.

Gluck..and sorry to hear of ur story.

Answer 5

I think that before you can judge them, or take their sexual life so personally (probably a tape from years ago) you need to realize that although it was one heck of an unfortunate incident, it's really none of your business what they are in to. Maybe that seems a little harsh with the movie still fresh in your mind a year later, but you have not lived their lives or are anywhere close to their age. Things happen. Not the same things to everyone, but people make decisions to do things they might regret later. Either way, it was their decision to make - not yours.

It is terrible that you had to experience it, but this is no excuse for calling your parents names or bringing it up repeatedly. I think there must be other circumstances that are fueling your obsession and anger at what you saw. Until you have children of your own, if you choose to, you will never understand how much your kids can hurt you with words.

Please let it go. You really have no right to hold it over their heads. From your statement, I get that they are still together. Perhaps you should be grateful for that and let them off the hook. You will accomplish nothing by going on about it.

Answer 6

First of all, what your parents do on their free time is none of your business. I can understand that it was probably the last video you ever wanted to see, but you really need to get over it. If your parents are ok with their sexual adventures then you should be too. One day you might even like the three-somes, so don't hate on your parents!!! After all theyv'e done for you over the past 18 years and you have the nerve to hate them for bringing some spice into the relationship?!? You ought to be ashamed of yourself for disrespecting them like that. They have no reason to be sorry, they didn't do anything wrong. If you feel just that bad about what you saw, go to counsleling and if that doesn't work, move far, far away and just forget about the first 17 years of your life and start anew.

Answer 7

Well in sense they are right, its really nothing you should be that angry with them about. You are probably more confused by the whole thing and feel that he cheated on your mom and vice versa. You may need to talk to a councilor. You know they are only human and did something millions of moms and dads do, they just taped it and allowed it to be found. I'm sure they love you and are very sorry you found it, but they should not be sorry they were trying to spice up their marriage and keep their marriage strong so they would have a happy family for you. And you really should not talk to your family like that no matter what they have done, I am hoping that you think it and do not say it, that is awful!!

Answer 8

Wow, that must have been an awful experience. I am so sorry for you. But, the fact that it is a year ago now, and you are still venting and fuming at your parents indicates that you are not able to handle this on your own.

You mention your "pain and suffering". I believe that is a real and terrible pain for you. You can't keep carrying it around with you. Please go to see a professional counselor (and keep looking for one if the first one doesn't understand what you are going through). You have got to unload on someone that can truly help you. As one other answerer said, this will eat you alive if you let it.

Don't wait another day. Do it now.

Answer 9

You must realise that your parents are also people and their choices makes them who they are...They made a mistake by not locking up the video so NO-ONE could find it. You will NEVER get that image out of your head and it will probably haunt you for a very long time. You CANNOT call them names as this is disrespectful... I bet your no angel either and if your parents haunted you about even ONE thing you did that was immoral or otherwise then how would you be? You must accept this has happened and move on. Forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness.

Answer 10

Forgive and forget. It will eat you alive if you keep dwelling on it. They are both consenting adults and it was by mutual agreement I'm sure. Everybody needs a little spice in their life. I think any one of your age would be appalled to see their parents doing any kind of sex acts whether involving anyone else or just them. Learn a lesson from this. Never tape it when you have sex and if you do, LOCK it up so your kids don't ever find it.