In regards to you winning a date with the movie star of your choice....can you write an amusing...?

Question

paragraph or 2 or more that includes these movie quotes?
1. Nice dam, huh? Do you want to go first, or should I?
2. We're in hell. We've entered hell! When?
3. You obviously have a wonderful economy with words. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness.
4. If I begin to die, please take this off my head.
5.I'll alert the media.
6. It's a very tiny country... Rhode Island could beat the crap out of it in a war.

Answer 1

It was purely by total accident that this whole affair came about. I was having breakfast and looked at the back of the Kelloggs Krispies packet and saw the competition. I picked up a pen and began filling in the questions and my suggestion. It asked for a sound-bite for a new advertising campaign they were starting so I just wrote 'Wake up and dine', never thinking it would ever see the light of day again. However, the good lady of the house, my wife no less, unbeknown to me, filled in my name and address and 'the movie star of your choice' and sent it off. It was not until about a month later when I received a phone call from the Kelloggs Advertising Dept., that I realised what she had done.
The following day, an envelope arrived containing the instructions and plans. In three weeks time on a specified day, I was to attend Stanstead Airport, go to the British Airways Information Desk, show the letter and receive flight tickets and further directions. A cheque for £500 spending money was also enclosed. I thought for some time that I would merely cash the cheque and to hell with the flight etc. However, on the appointed day I attended and collected the envelope.
I looked at the air ticket and could not believe my eyes. I thought it might say Hollywood or somewhere exotic, but no it said 'Nice'. As soon as I read it I blurted out 'Nice, damn, huh. That dump in the South of France'. At the same time, another customer was pushing past me to get to the desk so I just said to him 'Do you want to go first, or should I' - adding, 'you gobshite' for good measure. Well, to cut this part of the story short, I boarded the plane and a couple of hours later I was entering the Luggage Collection Area in Nice Airport. I was met by noise, the like of which I have not heard for a long time. All hell was breaking loose. I spoke aloud to one of the French porters standing near me 'We're in hell. We've entered hell!. When does the BA luggage arrive'. He muttered something in French which I did not understand but which I could read from his body language that he was taking the piss. I began to speak and curse him gently in Gaelic. Neither of us had any idea what the other was saying but I was getting the greater satisfaction. He eventually walked off and after about an hour, I collected my luggage.
As I entered the Arrivals Hall I saw my name on a plackard being held by a little fat man. I showed him the letter, and without a word he escorted me to a car and within minutes we were on the motorway towards Italy.
About three quarters of an hour later I saw a sign indicating a turn off for Monaco. 'Monte Carlo' I said out loud. The driver merely said 'No'. We continued past the junction and onwards into Italy proper. As we turned off at a junction indicating Bordaghera, I asked him 'Nice place, is it'. 'Yes' he replied. 'Near the seaside' I asked. 'Yes' he replied. I was getting pissed off with this little fat so-and-so and just said to him 'You obviously have a wonderful economy with words. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness. Do you smoke?'. He turned his head and with a smile said 'Yes, sir I would like an English cigarette'. 'Well piss off to London then' I said to him with some delight I might add. Entende cordialle or whatever they say over here.
We stopped outside a quite nice hotel just off the seafront where I was greeted by a Kelloggs Representative. He immediately put a seaside hat on my head which read 'Wake up and dine'. 'He can stuff that up his ar*se' I said to myself, then to him 'If I begin to die, please take this off my head before they take photos of me in my coffin wearing it'. He just laughted and said 'I'll alert the media in such an event sir'.
We sat in the lounge and he began to give me some details. 'In about an hour sir, you will be taken by helicopter to one of the nearby Mediterranean islands where you will meet your choice of film star. You will have a wonderful meal and then be taken to Monte Carlo where you will be guest of the company in one of the finest Casinos. I will now leave you to your own devices. See you in an hour'.
The receptionist offered me a drink, saying that the company had laid on Champaigne but I think she nearly dropped when I asked for a cup of tea instead. I already had enought of this whole affair and just wanted to get away. I asked the receptionist if she knew the island where we were going and to my upmost surprise, she spoke with a North of England accent 'To tell you the truth sir, it is a dump, just a great big farm with chickens and pigs everywhere. A Rhode Island Red could beat the crap out of it in a war. You will hate it'. 'Geeze', I thought 'beam me up Scottie, for God's sake'.
Once again, about an hour later, we were airborne, but this time in a helicopter whizzing over the calm sea towards a dot on the horizon. As we landed, I could see what the receptionist at the hotel meant. It was a big nothing. Off the copter and into a small but delightful hotel where I was again met by the Kelloggs rep. 'Where is your hat sir' he asked. 'Blew away' I lied. 'Not to worry sir, I have another one here' he replied and produced a red one this time. By this stage, I had reached my total limit of endurance. 'Who is the film star' I asked. 'You will not be disappointed sir' the rep said with a large smile on his face. 'Is it Raquel Welsh by any chance' I asked. I swear, but he stepped back in amazement and began to stutter 'But your entry form sir, clearly stated that this was someone you had always wanted to meet'. 'Yes' I lied 'but if you could not have got her, maybe you could have got Raquel'. 'No, no sir' he continued to stutter 'sir jokes'.
With that, a curtained area nearby was opened and there she was in all her glory with cameras flashing from every angle - bloody Miss Piggy from the Muppetts.
Do you know what I did. Go on have a guess. I went up, grabbed the snout of the wooly pig, twisted the neck and broke the puppeteers sticks for movements. All I said was 'Pig sh*it for Kelloggs - it's more tasty'.............. and that was the end of the biggest load of rubbish I have ever been involved in. But then again, I still had the £500 which would hire me a car, and I could continue down the motorway to my daughter's in-laws and enjoy a nice few days and Momma's fantastic cooking................

Answer 2

There is no Sun sign (you are mistakenly calling it "star sign", which is not a true astrological term) that indicates who one dates. Perhaps a very active 9th house with Venus IN the house and well-aspected, might indicate someone who would date foreigners. But that doesn't mean these foreigners would be outside their race. This question IS being answered sensibly. Astrology cannot answer your question. I am a professionally-certified astrologer (P.M.A.F.A. certification from the American Federation of Astrologers) with over 40 years of working with clients and astrology .. and I know what I am talking about in replying to your question. I would date outside my race, if the person interested me. I have dated outside my race. But it's hard to make me interested in dating someone. My SUN sign is Gemini. So is my Venus sign (Venus is the planet of our relationship style .. NOT Sun). My Moon (emotional nature) is in Cancer, and I have a Scorpio Ascendant.

Answer 3

I held my breath as Jude Law wrapped his arm around me. "You must be the most handsome man alive." He laughed, "I'll alert the media," he replied. Our limo hit a bump, and the driver stuck his head out the window, "Oh, ____! We've got a flat," He cursed and told us to wait there. "He'll be back soon," Jude cooed as he lovingly stroked my hair, "It's a very tiny country... Rhode Island could beat the crap out of it." I laughed as he poured yet another bottle of champagne. After we drank most of the alchohol in the cooler, well, Jude drank more than me, my date was pretty drunk. It had been hours since the driver had left, and the car was getting pretty cold. He looked out one of the tinted widows, "That's it!," he yelled, "We're in hell, we've entered hell! When?" I could only stare. "Jude sweetie, we're going to be ok, as long as you're here."
He sat down, "I'm sorry," he whined as I tugged at his pants, "You obviously have a wonderful economy with words. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness." I finally succeeded with his zipper. "Oh, so you want to get in to it?" He teased. "No," I explained, "I want your pants as a blanket." He looked at me, and lay down beside me. Right then, I had two things on my head, a cardboard tiara from the restaurant we just went to, and a thought, "I'm gonna die with only a bikini on." I looked at my sweetie, "If I begin to die, please take this thing off my head." I pleaded, meaning the ridiculous crown, and the thought. He sat up very suddenly, "Give me back my pants," he demanded. "Jude, honey, sweetie, what's wrong?" I asked as he yanked on his clothes. "I'm going to get help," he answered as he sprinted out the car door. I bolted out after him, realizing my top wasn't snapped, so I snapped it together, and was off. He stopped running at what looked like a huge bridge, took one look at it, and turned to me and sputtered, "Nice dam, huh? Do you want to go first?" He wanted me to walk across! But on the other side I saw a small cabin, with smoke coming out of the chimney. "I'll hang on to you," he encouraged. I don't remember anything that happened after that, but I'm told Jude was so drunk, he though it would be ok to hold on to my top, but it broke, so down I went. And now I'm in a hospital, trying to explain why we went to Burger King when he was wearing a tux, and I was wearing a bikini.